Prologue: The Black Nothing

The day before it happened I saw a cloud skirting across the sky. So incredibly low, so thin, like a wrinkle in some orange fabric. No, a wrinkle isn’t right, more like a tear. A hole in which a deep black was leaking onto that orange fabric. Just a crack on the face of something outside the realm of being understood.

            Looking back, I should have seen the churning blacks and purples within that cloud, that scratch in the sky. I should have looked harder, should’ve seen. At that moment, as I pulled up onto the driveway, I should not have gone inside to escape the summer heat. I should not have said hi to my gentle mother and curious little brother. I should not have walked through my living room and asked my dad how work was going. I should have run.

Author's Note

This is meant to be a single page preface, nothing more; any reviews/comments appreciated!

Reviews

[LG]

It manages to catch my attention. After reading this, I would continue to chapter one.

I do find that the shift from "a tear" to "a hole in which a black deeper than tar..." was a bit too much of a change. I would have expected to remain at the subtle level of the tear.

I do like the effect of the "I should have" s you used in the second paragraph.

[AlexxRichie]

Thanks for the input. I agree and am considering keeping that sentence but changing it to "A hole in which a deep black was leaking onto that orange fabric."

[Sesame]

+ I like the atmospheric description.
+ I like the rhythm of the last lines: 'At that moment....should have run.'
- Are you sure you want to use 3 synonyms to describe something? Wrinkle/tear/scratch. It results in me adjusting the mental image I have of this phenomenon every time. Makes feel a bit stupid: 'Oh this is what he means.'
- In general the paragraph did not get me going, did not catch my interest. It is a bit to vague. What are you talking about here? What am I going to read? Am I going to want to read this book? As it is right now it appears to be more of an ending of a book, where all the mystery and suspense still lingers in the reader's mind and you remind him that all the clues were already there. You as the author already know the mystery and suspense, but your reader does not, this might result in you hinting and referencing to elements of your book that make no sense at all to the reader yet.

[Jemma Packman]

Good start. Running instead of greeting family shows something bad is about to happen. Good description.

[prymore]

looks nice so far, i like this style of writing

[Shae]

So detailed... I really like your style of writing.

[AlexxRichie]

Thank you. :)

[Shae]

No problem.