Playing alone.

I'm trying to compile my feelings back into organization, but
Life keeps tossing pages in my direction and I'm picking them up.
Give me a little slack here, you can't possibly understand how
Deep beneath the blue I've been, to be honest still am.

I'm playing a game of charades with myself,
Smiling and repeating Johnny you're okay...
I'm okay, I mouth the words in my mirror.
My heart cracks upon the lie.

My mistakes are constantly being shoved down my throat,
My anti anti-depression medication served in doses far too strong.
Sometimes I doubt my strength will pull through and I'll remain
The same cracked porcelain heart bearing boy lacking smile.

I'm playing a game of hide and seek with myself,
I hide deep down inside hoping autopilot can
control me until I crash and burn into mountains.
I'll go like Buddy Holly finally feeling freedom.

I have no doubt in my mind that you care about me,
But there came a point where I needed the understanding...
Instead you stomped me back down into doubting myself,
I'm growing exhausted pretending that I can keep this going.

I'm slowly shutting down,
You won't even notice.
I'll fade right before you,
It'll be too late then.

Reviews

[Rachael Day]

Wow. I feel like i'm reading a page of my diary. My exact thoughts and feelings are right here, coming from someone else's mind. Beyond relatable! Haha!

You describe these feelings and the state of thinking very clearly and effectively! Great piece of writing.

You're not alone. There's more of us out there than you'd think.

[shultzfeather]

real damn relating, wow, good

[Kaylor Mason]

Oh yeah . . . I especially remember the effects of the damn medication. It's pretty terrible when the man who refuses to give you hope is your own doctor--that was my experience. I held on, proved him wrong . . . he's always a bit sheepish when I come around him now (HA!)

[Michael X]

A mirror image of one's self doubt, comes across when one fails to see
that doubt is an illusion that every one must overcome in order to be
as true to the indivisual each person is meant to be, depression is the
consuming nature of the doubt. great work, pure feeling and imagery.