Never Look Up

far far away the horizon 

moved to the shore
and swallowed the sky above it
and moved across the land
until the people were
blinded from the truth
prolific heroes challenged
the horizon
where it meets the shore,
magnificent castles were risen
contouring its' features,
historical histories liasoned
in controversy within
its' apathetic environment,
modern living established
a society in its'
catalytic atmosphere,
this embellishment defined
a human race
'Twas only shelter, that never
carried any intention beyond itself,
a horizon and a shore,
that swallows the sky
Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved

See also: Catanic Panic

Reviews

[Damon Ross Cottrell]

The unassuming union of the horizon and the shore become a great catalyst for all of humanity. This poem made me want to move to the shore. I thought your ideas and images were quite worthy. Thanks.

[J. Marc]

Your maturity has always astonished me! At least, you look very young to me and even your use of words is stunningly elaborate. So, congratulations and thank you for sharing with us your thoughts. This particular poem is indeed also very lucid. Yet. Being so young, you can still carve out something more positive and rewarding for yourself, i think, from life. You are talented, so.........!!

[Alexis Pena (Goco)]

Hedra, I put a space return after the photo montage!
thanks for the nice review

[Hedra Helix]

beautiful force behind your flow. I espec liked this;

far far away the horizon
moved to the shore
and swallowed the sky above it
and moved across the land

[Alexis Pena (Goco)]

Thank you Lucinda, you made my day with your cmmand of words

[Lucinda Bogart]

Incredible....I really like this. The line "Twas only shelter, that never carried any intention beyond itself.....oh that's so good !! Thank you.

[Alexis Pena (Goco)]

Thanks for the comment Emma
Thanks for the comment Daniel
I don't have much experience responding to review,
but finding it helpful and meaningful

Thanks again
Alexis

[Eliza Valentine]

Great imagery and good use of wording. But like the review below, sort the lack of punctuation at the start of the poem. Otherwise, well done!!!

But that picture is a headache waiting to happen!!!

[Daniel Rodrigues Martin]

That .gif is gonna' give someone a seizure!!

But, more related to the writing:

The first 8 lines need punctuation, since the rest of the piece has it. Consistency is a good thing, I think. Line 6 certainly seems like it needs some sort of stop.

The image of the horizon swallowing the sky is good.

You've also got some good word usage.

'contouring its' features,
historical histories liasoned'

'catalytic atmosphere,'

Those are good phrases; some of the more poetic ones I've seen today in my reviewing frenzy.


Like I said, I like your word usage, but I'm a bit confused as to what exactly it is you're trying to say. Certainly it's important to leave a bit of mystery open to the reader, but personally I like to know what I'm reading about. It seems like some sort of social commentary where the castle represents some sort of bastion of blindness; ignorance of the truth, or perhaps an attempt to hide from the truth? I can't quite put my finger on how the elements of this poem come together. I'd certainly like to, naturally.

In any case, I think this is an all right piece. I've seen better, and I've seen worse. Not saying that to be rude in anyway; just my opinion regarding this particular poem. I like to try and be objective and honest while at the same time maintaining a constructive tone, and I hope I've accomplished that here with you.

Any questions, comments, desires to dialogue about anything said here, you can of course message me if you so choose.

Keep on writing!

-D