Bought & Paid For

The desperation of one small child just wanting to be accepted.

 

 The room, dark and still only made the loneliness suffocating. Why didn’t they come? Take the pain and hurt

away with a simple gesture of love? Annie waited, telling herself the hurt would lessen and the squeeze of her

heart would soon go away. They couldn’t leave her alone all afternoon could they? Looking back on all the changes in her life lately she wondered if maybe they could. She spent years hearing that being adopted was one of the best things that could happen to her. How could it have gone so wrong? Had everyone lied? How could they all have led her to believe that once the ink dried her new, wonderful life would start?

 

The day she was adopted the big man, her new father, drew her into his bear arms and told her she was now his. She had been so happy. He had told her how much both he and his wife had wanted children but couldn’t. She vowed that moment to show them they had not made a mistake in picking her. She would make them happy and proud. She never wanted them to take her back. Now here she was only three days later sitting in the dark, alone. Worried, that her new mother, was on the phone begging someone to come take her. It hadn’t been Annie’s fault.

 

 She tried to eat what was put in front of her. Looking back, she scowled when she thought of those round green, what had the new mother called them? Brussell Sprouts? What kind of vegetable was that anyway? The taste was what had hit her first, sharp and pungent, a vegetable that spent most of its life underground was all she could imagine. Annie hadn’t meant to gag, it was a reflex, her mind and body pushing the offense far from her. Now that seemingly innocent root had stolen her happiness. She knew the new mother did not like her. She could see it in her eyes. When she looked at her, her eyes would become dark, menacing, and almost evil.

 

Annie knew that look, one foster parent had that same look and she knew you did not want to awaken the beast. The beast in us lays low, quietly waiting for the chance to prey on the weak. Annie had taken on the beast before, knew when it was close to the surface and tonight it had been close. Waiting in the dark, hugging her legs Annie planned her escape. As the sun cast shadows across her dress, she heard footsteps. The steps were loud and deliberate. Coming closer to her hiding place she did her best to make herself as small as possible. Maybe they won’t see me she thought as her heart thudded loudly in her chest. She could hear the beast breathing, hot, short breaths.

 

The extra weight on the body made the beast pant, like a dog out in the noonday sun. Soon it stopped at her doorway, casting a long shadow into the bedroom. The voice was that of her new mother. Rough, gravelly from years of smoking but female nevertheless. Where are you, the beast whispered. Hiding will only make things worse it growled. Annie was not sure how this could become worse and really didn’t want to imagine what worse would feel like. Mentally pulling herself together, Annie slowly rose and stood before the beast. Doing her best not to shake she put on her best scowl, looked up and stared the beast in the eyes. The new mother was almost unrecognizable. Her hair was wild, as were her eyes, gone was the smile she had worn just a few hours earlier. The large, free flowing dress fell on her like a tent and on her feet she wore fuzzy pink bedroom slippers. Slowly Annie’s hands came to her small hips. Planting her feet firmly on the floor and slightly apart she dared the beast to attack. The new mother’s hand came up so fast Annie never saw it. Merely felt its hot sting on the side of her face. Her brain refused to put the two events together right away. The hand, a sharp painful sting on her cheek, finally her brain kicked in and she realized the beast had hit her. Annie stared at it, her heart twisting, sending tears and heat to her eyes but she refused to cry. The beast would not see her as weak. She adjusted her small hands on her hips, jutted her chin out further all the while deepening her scowl. The beast laughed, teased her with mocked praise. “How strong you are. Refusing to cry, very brave.” it taunted. Then when Annie thought she might just be able to stand up to the beast it told her the one thing that would remain with her for the rest of her life. “You are bought and paid for little one, and that means you now belong to me.”  Small and defeated Annie let her back slide down the wall until she was again sitting in the shadows. Bought and paid for. Annie knew she was never getting away from the beast now. He owned her, and with that purchase, came rights, that Annie, at her young age could not even imagine.