Thoughts Of A Loser

You may gather this from the poem's title, but I was somewhat depressed when I wrote this.

Thoughts Of A Loser

 

I sit around with a frown feeling sorry for myself
I need help, but I won't ever ask for it, understand
Either I will be strong enough to survive
Or I will die by my own hand...
The latter seems inevitable to me
Maybe not now, but eventually

Sometimes it seems I'm jealous of my own family
They seem so happy, why can't that be me???
But I could never have anything against them
Right now, they're some of my only friends

And her, shes so sweet...
I wonder if this is what it feels like to have a sister
I don't know what she truly thinks of me, but I miss her
I wish we could hang out more, but she would never know
Because my true feelings she could never explore

I'm like a treasure chest with no key
My insides are forever locked
So you may never know me
at least not personally...
Because it seems paper is the only thing I trust
and the pen is my closest friend
It will be my only friend in the end...
The tool with which I relay my last message

When the time comes, God, will we meet???
Or will you send me below because I didn't believe???
But it doesn't matter I guess
Because I'm quite sure that you don't exist...
But what if I'm wrong & you do...
then what will I do???
In my last moments, will I cowar & turn to you???
I guess all of this is unanswerable for the moment...

I wanna better myself, but I won't ask for help
So maybe I've set myself up for defeat
But sometimes I feel I've already lost you see...

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is welcomed

Reviews

[AlexG]

Skye, thanks for the long review, I really appreciate it... I'm a pretty hardcore atheist though. I know the reasons why I am an atheist, the arguments for and against religion, the bible, God etc. It isn't a rejection of God. For me to "reject" him, I'd have to believe in his existence, and I don't. But at the same time, I recognize that there is that off chance that I may be wrong, and that's what I was getting into towards the end of the poem.

And thanks also Lade Leah, and Becca. When I get time I'll view some of you guys' work.

[Skye Céibhfhionn]

I don't think you do not believe. I think you see more of no-matter things than most of us people allow ourselves to see. Doubt we can every now and again, but this is a sorrow, a loneliness, a dark corner of space, quite hard to leave unless we find something to leave it for.
A dark moment is a moment of sadness, it is also ok. But with time it brings isolation, a feeling of not belonging, and we chain each moment closer to ourselves and further away from others. It is harder for anyone to help, when the cry for help is covered and hidden.

The pen and paper was too what I trusted, and only those two things. I couldn't trust myself even, because the intensiveness in my emotions exceeded my being. I came through a lot stronger and with more love and compassion than people ever expected from an abused, lonely, and broken spirit.

You paint these moments with an accuracy that comes from experience. It is sown together with something unseen, but deeply felt. One only knows if it's been felt to the core, and I think you have.
I appreciate your flow, it is a weaver that brings the reader to ots focus. Well done!
I wouldn't change a thing with it. It's raw and it flows and it brings us places.

Keep writing, but foremost.. Keep Breathing [smiles]

Skye

[Becca*Type2012]

Lovely poem. I goes through the ture thoughts of a person who dosen't believe in themself and constantly doubt themself. I know I have these thoughts when I play bad or don't meet my expectations. Very beautiful, very well-written poem! I want to see more fom you!

[Lady leah]

Everyone doubts at one time or another,