Feel Alive

I think I'm a psychopath... No... I think you are a psychopath!

Feel alive!My life is on loop. It's like this hot track-
It's on repeat1. It keeps playing back.
It's amazing how I grew numb to the feeling of deja vus. 
I just want to feel Alive... I'm praying for some news. 

Stuck in a world curved our of my fantasies and wishes. 
No... Life gave me death on a platter and I couldn't help but do the dishes. 
One more captive. One more ransom. One more reason to go on. 
But, money is just money... You'll never buy a speck of pride even with a billion. 

Sitting in the corner of this isolated room, 
My life throws up in my face. Memories of what never was. It's like a fireless fume. 
Why do I do this? Just why do I have to thrive? 
Then it hit me... I just want to feel Alive. 

I turn to you... Blindfold on your eyes. A cloth tied on your mouth. 
Do you know that you're alive? Maybe not. Let's turn the world around, put your north in the south. 

I can visualize your father panicking. 
I demanded $100,000. They're hoping and looking. 
For this once, money means the world to me. 
But that's the world your family wants to give up to set you free. 

I'm not your friend. I'm your kidnapper. 
No! You're still alive... But those fears in your head are death's whisper. 
You don't have to die. You don't know that you're alive yet. 
So, I'll do you a favor. It's time you learned of the paper thinness of the line between choice and fate. 

I walk up to you... Untie your hands and take off the blindfold. 
I think I'm killing you today. Maybe it's sweeter than silver and gold. 
But wait... Not yet... I've got to set up the scene first. 
Let's see... Chocking... Bleeding... Suffocating... I'll be following you soon. But I only need the worst. 

I make one more phone call to your dad. 
You watch the motion of my lips, 'By the time you get here, you'll find your son gone, but don't be sad.
You see don't cry much, for he'd have learned more than all of you. 
Only he would've known that life's really beautiful.'

He pleaded with me to hold on. He even offered to give me double. 
Wow! Love is sweet. But my love of money only leads me into trouble. 
So... Today, I felt a man cry... It's sweet.
His sobs. His fainted faith. I think I feel Alive! This is it! 

You see. I just wanted to make it. I never meant to be this man. 
Sometimes I question everything that happens to me... I feel so alone. 
But. It's not long till all this goes away. 
Yes. I'll feel Alive today! 

I instruct you to stand. 
There's a gun in my hand. 
I fix it to the side of your head. 
In the next 'bang' sound, you'll be dead. 

Counting down from ten... Nine... Eight... 
I can see you release all your pain an hate. 
Still counting...Seven... Six... 
You close your eyes and pray for forgiveness... You wish your life's errors to fix. 

Counting on... Your heart pumps faster... 
Your blood surges... your body's getting hotter. 
You can feel the cold unused gun on the side of your head... Five... 
Yes... You know you'll die... You're almost knowing that you're Alive. 

As I keep counting... I learn about you. Your hurt. Your pride. 
It's like this nine millimeter-pistol is a key to your inside. 
I know you more than every other person that knows you. 
You're a fighter. You're strong. Yes... You're wonderful. 

I can feel you pray for your family. 
It doesn't make sense right now, but we're the same, trust me. 
You're losing your grip of the world... Inside, you're saying, you're dead. 
Four... Then sirens start ringing in my head. 

You don't have to die. So, I change my mind and point the gun to my head. 
The count is now mine. It's time I laid in the bed my hands had made. 
Three... Two... One... 
That's it... You think... But I know that I'm a dead man. 

Sshhh... Listen... It's not angels. It's everybody whose favor you've won. 
One last breath... And... BANG! I'm gone. 
You fear to open your eyes... But then you do it. You catch your breath... 
In shock, you watch my body drop to the ground... You're still on earth.

The sound of the gun triggered the gas system's core. 
You're dying next, you'll soon be as dead as my blood-covered body on the filthy floor.
Then carbon monoxide starts creeping into the room's ventilation system... 
Yes... That's the scene of your doom. So it may seem... 

You passed out just before your father kicked open the locked door. 
He found you lying a meter from the door. 
The trauma connected to kidnapping is too much to bear, 
Thus, the truth, your family vowed not to declare... 

Yes... You're alive... You. But you died once... 
Me? I didn't know what I had, and losing it meant I didn't even stand a chance. 

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