Splice.

Splice is the first short story I ever wrote. It takes place in the English countryside in the dead of night and joins our protagonist as he drives down a narrow country road.

Splice
The dead of night. A solitary grey car makes its way down a long country road, it's headlights the only source of light for miles around.
Inside the car, the driver sits with one hand on the wheel, the other supported by his elbow and rested on the window ledge.
'It's been a good night' he whispered to himself, 'the first in a while'.
Despite this, upon turning the cars mirror toward his face, he was the picture of a man broken and defeated. His pale face struck a ghostly presence to anyone who may drive past and peer into the windscreen that approached.
Weary and drained from a long day and even longer night, he wound down the driver side window and stuck his head out of the window to let the wind rush through his face like an excited family dog on a long car journey.
His head remained out of the window for what seemed an eternity, he closed his eyes and let all cares in the world go, only to suddenly jolt back into the car as it almost careered into a large hedgerow.
The man chuckled almost sadistically to himself. 'That was a close one, someone must be looking after me'.
It is safe to say the man who had put his head out of the window was not the man who now sat in the drivers seat.
From the passenger seat of the car a stern and worried voice yelled 'watch what you're doing for God's sake!'
'Do you want to get us killed?'
The driver paid no attention to the passenger seat, placed both hands on the wheel and lightly pressed the accelerator, as the speedometer rose ever increasingly, the rye smile on the drivers face grew larger. A voice from the drivers side rear seat exclaimed
'Yes! Now this is what I'm talking about, some adventure, a thrill for once, go faster!'
The driver nodded and pressed his foot down even further on the accelerator. As it reached 60, then 70 then 75 miles an hour, the narrow country roads began to shoot past the windows at a great pace.
'Stop the damn car', screamed the voice passenger side.
The driver paid no attention and continued to hurtle down the thin road.
'I....I don't think you sh..should be doing this, exclaimed a voice from the back of the car, 'it's just, it's just, we could crash!'
The driver shrugged the voice off like an annoying fly and maintained speed, hurtling past the hedgerows, sending loose branches sprawling across the road behind the road behind the car.
As signs for a corner approached the driver reluctantly hit the brake, and the smile on his face lessened, but once round the corner the evil grin returned and he slammed his foot into the accelerator.
'That's the last time I do that' he whispered.
'What did you say?' Hollered the voice from the passenger side.
'Wh...what did he say?'
'He's not going to break again when we get to a corner, he's gone insane!'
'Go on, carry on, this is incredible, I know you've not felt like this for years, man'
'Please... Pl.. Please slow down, this isn't right, it isn't, we could die'
'He doesn't know what he's doing, this is madness'
'SHUT UP all of you', the driver manically screamed'
'This is my car, my life, don't try and tell me what to do'.
The car began to scrape along the stone wall as his ranting took his mind off of the road, he quickly maintained control.
The driver tightened his grip on the wheel, the sweat began to drip slowly from his brow, he shifted gears and increased his speed further'
'It's my life, my choice' he whispered.
'it's my life, my choice, it's my life, my choice' he repeated, each time it got progressively louder and louder until it was a roaring shout from within the car'
'ITS MY LIFE, MY CHOICE'
'Look at the damn road you fool, we're gonna die'
'Stop, st..stop the car'
'No, go on, go on, do it!'
'don't listen to him, stop the car you madman... STOP, the corner, we're gonna cra.....'



'This is unit 330 reporting, we've recovered the vehicle, driver dead at the scene, no sign of any other passengers or casualties'
Have you found anything else in the wreck Jones?
'There's a strong smell of alcohol in the vehicle sir, but no weapons, drugs or bottles.'
'Ok, Jones, secure the scene and wait for the ambulance, I'll find details on the family. Poor guy must have been hammered and lost control, nasty way to go'...

Author's Note

I really look forward to hearing opinions on this piece, enjoy the read!

Reviews

[Schatzi]

Hello NathanielAlexander,

That's an interesting little mystery, you have there. I only have one technical suggestion. Better define your paragraphs to make the story flow better for the reader. Other than that, it is a good story.

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[Stan Lee]

Split personality or just hearing voices I wonder?
Intriguing story, fast paced and well written. Isn't it ironic that he was yelling "this is my LIFE" as he ended it. I like the way you wrapped it up with the last paragraph. Clever. Thanks for sharing & stay inspired! :)

[NathanielAlexander]

Thanks for the review! I enjoy whenever someone reads what I've posted and is embroiled in the story so I appreciate your comments!

[Silmara McGarry]

A mystery that got my attention for it's good flow and easiness to read. Big well done from ;-) Thankssss

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Interesting story. I was thinking what I read at the end. You grabbed my attention with this. Keep up the good work!

Welcome to WritersCafe!
- Cyprian

[Shannon]

Welcome to the Café. Glad to see a fellow storyteller.

This is a great story. Easy to read, descriptive nice sentence length variety. I gave a few suggestions for improvement and I see you are open to feedback.

This sentence:
quickly maintained control.

Did you mean regained?

Also, don't give away too much in your description. Let your story speak.

Very well done!

[NathanielAlexander]

Good afternoon to you!

It's great to be part of such a great community of writers as this! It was great to see you took the time to review my first post and I Thankyou for your advice! I look forward to reviewing my own pieces in future.
Thankyou very much once again!