Bled

We've all felt the desperation/frustration of unrequited love; sometime's we're the ones who create those feelings. This poem intends to emphasize some of those feelings.

Bled

 

it’s what you don’t say, which speaks louder than words

it’s that resounding silence, the darkest of the piano’s chords

 

it’s the way you shrug, you sigh--you become ever so small

it’s the way that you’re there, but truly not there at all

 

forlorn, you are curled in the arms of that old tattered chair

looking somewhere, but nowhere, twisting your unruly hair

 

your shoulders are slumped; your lips forever smile down

you’ve the look of a princess, mourning her lost crown

 

 I’M SORRY hangs by a noose in the stillness of the room

met with no mercy, they face their own ill-fated doom

 

my voice moves the rafters; I implore, PLEASE hear my plea

i pull at my clothes, your clothes--yet you still don’t see

 

a vase crashes, crumples, scatters, before your unflinching eyes

the deepest freeze during winter--this is your unyielding guise

 

a dragon’s fire couldn’t make a drop melt from your heart

you’re but two feet away, yet we’re two worlds’ distance apart

 

for someone who “loves love stories,” as you so eloquently say

it seems that ours is more befitting of your “love to hate” cache

 

perhaps this one time, you shall feel the solitude of an empty bed

and dwell in your twisted joy, knowing that my heart’s been bled

 

i’ve no fervor left to continue for I see my love’s been taken in vain

enjoy the vacant power of your throne; revel in your miserable reign

 

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

Having read this through ,my mind takes off
on a tangent. We can save the world for
a republic such as ours simply by making love
to all the dissidents and when we have them
securely in our power we tighten the screws,
make them feel we may leave. All the dissenters
of the world will be incpacitated and lay down
their arms.
I loved your story, but the poor woebegotten
unrequieted will not have me to beat up on.
Sure you are. You are the top writer--- wish I
could simpathize with the unrequieted, but they
will survive.
---- Eagle Cruagh

[Prolific In Verse]

This speaks to me of male aloofness and the lack of reciprocity.

I believe the narrator wants more than the feeling of disability with the Beloved other actor.

Sometimes the people we love the most, can't equal our affection, and it doesn't mean they don't love us, it means there simply weren't born to love as much!

[Lexi I.]

That is all very true. I think that is something that makes some of the greatest love stories (the potential for heartbreak); and with this poem, I tried to channel some of that desperation one feels when love isn't reciprocated.

[Ashly Christen]

beautiful beginning caught me right away,
its the little things
body language
the unsaid words
I like this piece!

[Lexi I.]

Thanks Ashly. I appreciate the feedback.

[Ashly Christen]

much welcome :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is so sad...the other person so cold and unfeeling...

loves love stories but can't love...geez a part of that reminds me of me.

i cry during movies...but in real life, the tears don't come..maybe too many years of heartbreak...maybe the tears are all cried out, who knows.

i especially like "the darkest of piano chords"

not just the black keys but the dark memories the song plays..

not a rhyme fan..but this one is pretty natural in its make-up..doesn't feel forced into form...those kind of rhyme poems are an exception to my rule.

nice work.

jacob

[Lexi I.]

Jacob, thanks for the specific feedback. It's nice to see what each reader takes from the poem. As a writer, it is interesting to see what perspectives others take when compared to what I was intending.

[John Stussy]

This was a great piece to share as your first on the site. Your rhyming read smoothly and effortlessly, and your rhythm was even throughout. You even had some really awesome couplets that stood out quite well in this piece, a couple favorites of mine were:
"I’M SORRY hangs by a noose in the stillness of the room
met with no mercy, they face their own ill-fated doom"
which I found utterly genius, love that you had the apology in all caps here.
"a vase crashes, crumples, scatters, before your unflinching eyes
the deepest freeze during winter--this is your unyielding guise"
The image painted with these lines was really strong, so your powers of description are also pretty damned great too.
The closing couplet made for a perfect ending to the piece as well, so to you I say bravissima on a well done poem! Thank you for sharing this with us on this little corner of the internet, and welcome to the Cafe.

[Lexi I.]

Well, thank you so much for the compliment. It takes a lot of "courage" to put yourself out there! :)

[John Stussy]

Aye, that stands true for both one's words and their heart. :)