Bled

We've all felt the desperation/frustration of unrequited love; sometime's we're the ones who create those feelings. This poem intends to emphasize some of those feelings.

Bled

 

it’s what you don’t say, which speaks louder than words

it’s that resounding silence, the darkest of the piano’s chords

 

it’s the way you shrug, you sigh--you become ever so small

it’s the way that you’re there, but truly not there at all

 

forlorn, you are curled in the arms of that old tattered chair

looking somewhere, but nowhere, twisting your unruly hair

 

your shoulders are slumped; your lips forever smile down

you’ve the look of a princess, mourning her lost crown

 

 I’M SORRY hangs by a noose in the stillness of the room

met with no mercy, they face their own ill-fated doom

 

my voice moves the rafters; I implore, PLEASE hear my plea

i pull at my clothes, your clothes--yet you still don’t see

 

a vase crashes, crumples, scatters, before your unflinching eyes

the deepest freeze during winter--this is your unyielding guise

 

a dragon’s fire couldn’t make a drop melt from your heart

you’re but two feet away, yet we’re two worlds’ distance apart

 

for someone who “loves love stories,” as you so eloquently say

it seems that ours is more befitting of your “love to hate” cache

 

perhaps this one time, you shall feel the solitude of an empty bed

and dwell in your twisted joy, knowing that my heart’s been bled

 

i’ve no fervor left to continue for I see my love’s been taken in vain

enjoy the vacant power of your throne; revel in your miserable reign

 

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

Having read this through ,my mind takes off
on a tangent. We can save the world for
a republic such as ours simply by making love
to all the dissidents and when we have them
securely in our power we tighten the screws,
make them feel we may leave. All the dissenters
of the world will be incpacitated and lay down
their arms.
I loved your story, but the poor woebegotten
unrequieted will not have me to beat up on.
Sure you are. You are the top writer--- wish I
could simpathize with the unrequieted, but they
will survive.
---- Eagle Cruagh

[gombeggar]

good wording...a fine expression of a love scorned and toyed with

[Lexi I.]

Thank you. That is exactly what I was going for!

[Dr. Wood ?]

a quite traumatic and believable piece, borne of unrequited love....Very very good

[Lexi I.]

Unrequited love indeed. The worst kind of love, the most intriguing of love stories...

[Dr. Wood ?]

very true.....I love your name by the way....Makes me want to alter mine to No drseuss

[C.R.Turner]

Awesome/ful scraping of emotions there NoJane! You might like mine "The Silent Sentence" too.

[Lexi I.]

Thanks! I will definitely read the poem! :)

[Sheila Kline]

Excellent couplet, with amazing rhyme pattern and imagery with use of metaphors as,


I’M SORRY hangs by a noose in the stillness of the room
met with no mercy, they face their own ill-fated doom

Your words clearly convey the feeling of one who is "BLED"!

I am pleased your poem was referred to me by a friend!
Welcome to the Cafe - we are here to uplift, and help one another!

[Lexi I.]

Thank you, Sheila! I appreciate your feedback. I am glad to have joined, and I will have to make time to engage with all these wonderful people on here!

[Geon Quuin]

A lot of emotions. A lot of pain. Loneliness. I enjoyed reading this poem.

[Lexi I.]

Thanks, Geon! I've read a few of your poems! Your pieces are full of emotion as well!

[quinfinn]

the couplet format really sets this piece off. you have some wonderful wordplay going on here and some feelings and innuendos with which i am all too familiar. so, it has been established that i have been to the places you so vividly portray herein, on to the critique...i have none. this is a masterfully penned lament of a frozen love. kudos to you, poet!

[Lexi I.]

My deepest thanks for taking the time to read the poem and to send me those kind words. I appreciate it, and will do in kind!

[quinfinn]

happy to oblige!

[eglantine]

great rhythm and strong bitterness

[Lexi I.]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read the poem and leave me the feedback! It's great to be appreciated by fellow writers. :)

[TaraSun]

Awesome. Love it. The emotions are beautifully depicted and I like the word choice you decided to go with. Very nice.

[Lexi I.]

Thank you for the kind words! I am glad I could relate to others through this poem!

[Alex Norman]

Wow. Outstanding. The rhythm was great, and the rhyming even better. The imagery is really effective. Well done!

[Lexi I.]

Thank you for the compliments. Much appreciated!

[Mr Alednac]

You've probably heard this a lot but its true, the beginning of this poem is very great, it hooks the reader in and makes everyone else reading relate to it and the rest of the poem follows well. This is a great poem you have written!

[Lexi I.]

Thank you for the kind words. I tried to draw on experience...that always seems to create the most meaningful pieces.