I suck

Your death was never headline news

Never seen on my TV

I never had to lose you

You were always lost to me

I can’t know you without your death

It’s all you’ve ever been

So why do I find myself forgetting

That you didn’t let him in

There exists no ifs for me

There never was a chance

How can I cry and feel

My hurt comes from what is done

I don’t have s**t to heal

Why do I miss this beautiful son

I can never know you but I think I do

I miss you

I miss you

Author's Note

i abhor this