Willingly Slipping Away

My failed complexion complemented the powder blue car door.

Pushing the red balloon over to the passenger side as if

There were somewhere I could deliver it. I promised

I would come home. Now, I only know where that is

Supposed to be. I gripped the wheel, the only thing

Holding me to everyone I knew, and watched all

The people with their guards up just in case they

Happen to be lucky enough to see the world stop.

They always took me by surprise, though. I do not

Anticipate any great demonstration. Merely a halt in

My thoughts returning to the comfort of a

Kitchen floor and a mother’s ankle

My short laugh is heard by no one, but I like to think that you

Knew I still could. After a while of occupying the black interior

Of the rolling scapegoat, nothing made any sense

At all. Finally being okay with that, I realized there

Is no way I am going to make it back. I knew I didn’t

Want to. There’s too much for me there. For you, just

Being on my way is enough. I remember not wanting

To mention a dream I had where I couldn’t feel a thing.

Then I rolled down the window and my balloon took its

Chance. That’s what is so nice about letting a balloon

Go. You can think it is still going up, if you want to,

Like the last time I selfishly made someone laugh.

Cold air flooded into the vehicle, stopping my breath

For a moment to take in something. I remember the

Night where I made eye contact with her and I wondered

If she saw anything staring back. I remember being

Young enough to not have anything to miss.

A ceiling fell away from above me, like

Having nobody with me on their mind.

And I looked up to see my end

In the winter sky.