Be My[ne] Dream

Be My[ne] Dream

 

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream...

 

 

Do you ever have dreams so real that you wake up convinced they really happened?

 

I do.

 

I wake up the next morning in utter glee, convinced the happiness in my dream was real, only to be crushed upon discovering... it was just a fantasy once upon a dream. They often provide inspiration for my stories, and this story is about Valentine's Day. The day someone asked me "Be Mine" but I awoke and discovered the only answer I could conjur would be "Be my dream".

 

 

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"This is it now! Everybody get down! This is all, I can take, this is how a heart breaks!" Jay jumped around in her room screaming along with Rob Thomas. "You take a hit now, you feel it break down! Make you stay wide awake, this is how a heart breaks!" she shook her head vigerously at the last part as she sang into her hairbrush and jumped from the bed onto the floor.

 

She laughed to herself as the song ended and flicked the stereo off. "Dance like no one is watching," she grinned. Her computer screen was flashing. She had a new instant message. Her heart was already pumping from her half hour song-and-dance game, but now it beat even faster upon seeing that it was from Travis. Travis. I love you and you'll never know. I pray you never know.

 

Grabbing her laptop and flopping down on her bed with it, she answered his IM. It didn't take long for her to frown and wrinkle her forehead. Something was wrong with him, and he wasn't saying what. Their conversation turned into a screaming match as she told him to tell her what was wrong and he told her she'd never talk to him again if he did.

 

"Just tell me what's WRONG Travis!"

"You won't talk to me ever again if I do! Don't WORRY about it I'll get THROUGH it OKAY?!"

"I won't talk to you ever again if you DON'T tell me Travis. I'm your friend, you can trust me, so what's WRONG? It's obviously nothing small!"

"Yes it is and it doesn't matter!"

"Yes it DOES Travis! I'm worried about you! You've been acting strange all week!"

"No you're not. You're not worried. Who would worry about me?"

"Oh so now we're sulking are we? Throwing yourself a pity party? Travis I CARE about you. I love you. And I'm WORRIED."

"Suuure you are."

"Travis PLEASE!"

"You'll hate me."

"Travis you could MURDER someone, okay? MURDER someone. I wouldn't care. Okay, tell me you're GAY, tell me you beat someone up, I... DON'T... CARE. I will STILL care about you. Okay?!"

"okay, you want to hear it? Fine! Fact is, I'm scared of myself. I'm afraid of who I am and what I'm capable of doing. I'm afraid I'm just going to hurt everyone around me. I'm planning on disappearing for a while... to figure out who I am."

"Travis... don't. Please."

 

The conversation continued for hours. Jay began crying to herself as Travis revealed more and more, still convinced he couldn't talk to her again. She finally convinced him otherwise.

"Now, is there anything else you want to tell me or would you rather I change the subject?" she asked.

"Well, while we are on the subject of being honest..."

"Yes?"

"I like you. A lot." Her heart stopped.

"Come again?"

"I really like you." Now it jumped into her throat.

"Travis?"

"Yes?"

"I like you too."

"So, uh, what does this mean?"

"I dunno, you tell me, no one's ever told me that before."

"Well I've never said it before!"

"You really like me?"

"Yes."

"You're not lying?"

"No."

"Good, 'cause if you play with my heart I will freaking kill you."

"Don't worry, I'm not."

"Good. =]]"

"So, uh, I guess this means I should talk to your dad huh?"

"Yeah I guess. We're coming into the States soon, I guess you could talk then?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I'm grinning like a stupid sheep. I can't stop."

"Hahaha! You should try."

 

 

She spent the rest of the week on cloud nine, still wondering if it was real or not. But then, two weeks later, it all came crashing down on her. He backed out. He said he had feelings for another girl too, and he couldn't make up his mind between the two of them. It was like a bad dream, it couldn't be real. It just couldn't! But it was. She flew into a panic. She couldn't lose him like this. No, she couldn't lose him like this! She pleaded with him to at least remain friends. Not the friendship, don't kill the friendship, anything but the friendship. He said he had to make a decision between the two. She agreed but told him to take his time.

 

He chose the other girl.

 

That night she cried as she had never cried before. All sorts of thoughts ran through her head as she cried. She was fat. She was ugly. It was because she liked coffee so much and it made her all bubbly wasn't it? She was too bubbly and childish happy. And fat. That was the problem, of course. Or it was her hair... the other girl had pretty dark brown hair. And brunettes are in. Yes. She was just all wrong. Everything was just... wrong about her.

 

She tried so hard to remain friends with him, but she could never seem to get things right. They were always fighting and from one day to the next they went from having everything in common to having nothing in common. It hurt to talk to him but it hurt when she didn't talk to him either. She couldn't even figure out which was worse.

 

Finally, she decided that talking to him was worse than not talking to him. So she cut him out. Told him they would be going separate roads from now on... it was over. She saw nothing left for either of them anymore.

 

She clicked send and then cried herself to sleep again.

 

Time went by and she didn't talk to him. Then, one day, he contacted her. Asked her to please reconsider friendship. He hoped they had both grown and could try to be friends again. She didn't even think before she answered yes.

 

But Valentine's Day was approaching. She winced as she remembered that two days after Valentine's Day the year before, she had been his. Now she was no one's and the thought hurt her. She still wanted to be his. She wanted him to say he loved her. She wanted him to say he never wanted to lose their friendship again and wanted to be with her. But she knew he would never say it. She would remain the silent friend. Help, help, help. Help him through anything he went through and hope that someday something would smack him over the head and he would realize how much she means to him.

 

But that wasn't going to happen. She could tell how wrapped up he was in the fact that his other best friend, the other girl, was going to enter a new relationship. He didn't even care about her. He was too concerned about Rachel. Of course, Rachel. She's SO important. Jay didn't know whether to laugh or cry at herself for being so pathetic. She told herself not to give her heart away ever again, but then laughed as she grimly reminded herself that it was too late anyway. Her heart was gone... it wasn't ever coming back.

 

 

The next few days went by and she felt sick to her stomach. She didn't want to admit how much she loved him; how much she needed him. How much she wanted him to need her. Her head hurt everytime she thought about it and so she had a constant headache. Her stomach felt queasy and she couldn't eat.

 

Valentine's Day arrived and the doorbell rang early that morning. Taking her coffee with her, she opened the door to see Travis standing in front of it. The cup hit the floor with a loud clash and her mouth dropped open.

 

"Ah! Crap! Travis! It's six in the morning! What in the world are you doing here?!"

"Happy Valentine's Day!"

She gaped at him incredulously. "You came all the way here to tell me Happy Valentine's Day? Why don't you go spend that effort on Rachel? I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

"I don't want to wish her a happy valentine's day. I want to wish it to you. And I want to give you this." He held out a small white teddy bear holding a blue rose. Blue roses... how had he remembered that? Her lip quivered but she tried to remain firm.

"What for Travis?"

"Look, Jay, I've hurt you in the past. I've made many mistakes. Many. But I woke up early this morning and I realized... I love you. I need you. I don't care what it takes... I don't care if the bridge we need to rebuild is big enough to span the Atlantic Ocean... I will do it. Anything to make sure you never leave my life ever again. I only want to take care of you. You're so stubborn you never let anyone help you even though you know you want it. And I want to be with you. And I know in the past my biggest problem was I couldn't make a decision and I was afraid of what people might think... but I KNOW I love you and I don't CARE who knows it. Want me to prove it to you? I will.. here, I'll go ring the neighbour's doorbell and tell him. Okay? Watch. I'll go show you."

 

To her chagrin he was actually walking across the neighbour's lawn. She sprang after him and grabbed his arm. "Come back here you idiot are you insane?! It's six am!"

"You haven't finished your coffee yet have you? Want more. I can get you more. Come on, I'll get you some coffee. You need it you know. You don't take care of yourself well enough, and I think you need food too."

"TRAVIS!" she was exhasperated.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You... I... you..."

"I love you. Please. Give me the chance. Please."

She gulped and swallowed hard a few times, biting her lip to keep it from trembling.

"Okay."

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Okay."

 

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, promising himself he would never let her go, ever again. She was his. He was hers.

 

 

Be mine?

 

Be my dream...

Author's Note

I wrote this at the beginning of 2006 after a dream I had. I have very realistic dreams and I woke up the next morning after this one exceedingly convinced it had happened. I made the story about it afterward.

Please excuse the grammar... the story is, after all, 2 years old.

Reviews

[Cal Vance]

i feel this poem so much because when i read it feels like its actually happening to me,your a beautiful poet and a beautiful ladie!!!

[Star Catcher]

Wow, that was very powerful. I can tell you really love this Travis guy, and I'm sorry it was only a dream.