Changed

A short story that I believe represents how it feels when something has changed you so much, you can't be the same.

My brothers and I were born looking at the fire. We were told to never look away and we never did. The fire provided for us -food, warmth; it was our world. That was until one day I had a crazy notion.

One day, I had the idea to turn around. My senses were overwhelmed. I saw the mountain upon which we were perched. I saw the valleys and seas that I had been denied. I saw the infinite sky and the cosmos in all its splendor. Why was I denied these experiences? Did they want me to live and die thinking our great fire was all this existence offered?

I returned to my brothers telling them tales of what I saw. I told them of the amazing and extraordinary things pleasures and places that went beyond their concept of reality. I expected reactions of wonder and curiosity, but I received none. I only got anger and frustration from my brothers. I had threatened their lives, their very existence with unproven stories of a place beyond.

That's when I realized I could no longer go back with my brothers. I could no longer sit with them gazing at the flames and be content. I had been changed and I could never go back again.

Reviews

[Woody]

I like the idea that prompted this short story, Dynafox. it's good.
however, an honest review is not only praise, right?
in my humble opinion, "born looking at the fire" didn't sit well with me. perhaps, "to never leave the fireside"? do I get the impression that the speaker and his/her siblings are living in a cave? cavemen, perhaps?
it would be more credible, I think to say that the speaker ventures outside the cave and discovers the outside world.
also, if they are living in a cave I'd use third person singular (he/she) instead of "I".

I don't know if that helps. but that's my opinion for what it is worth.

[Dynafox]

This story is all more for the idea then being functional. Like bible stories. I'm not very specific in the story because I want the reader to visually make up more of this than I usually do. To be honest, in my head, they aren't human at all. I picture him and his brother as blue flame people, but I felt that was not for me to solidify in the story. I think it may have worked better as a short comic.

[Woody]

I still think it's good. and yes, it could be about humans or, say, wolves. whatever your idea, pen on, my friend!

[Nicole Schuster]

Interesting! This is so real. You grow up with your life revolving around something, but then as you get older, you start to notice and identify with other things. The feeling of being cheated often comes out as you get older as you see so many things that you have missed. I love this piece.

[Pasquale Lorina]

The message is clear. Sometimes life changes us, we don t see things or people the same anymore. That's what life is all about, the pendulum swings constantly.

[Dynafox]

yup, I don't try to hide my meanings, I try to make them pretty apparent so everyone can get the message. Thanks for your review my dude

[zunie frost]

it's so unique !! i love it
your work is really interesting

[Dynafox]

Thank you Zunie. Always a pleasure when you drop by with a review. Thanks sweety

[Emily L]

Very professionally well written. Your a complex writer with complex deep topics, you have a beautiful gift for writing. Never stop!

[Dynafox]

thank you so much Emily for your uplifting words. You revisited in me that I know my muse, a lot of people don't. Sorry for the tardiness in my reply, I've been busy writing 6 Assassins. Thank you for your visit.

[AliciaB]

Cool! Very interesting concept, and one that could apply to many different real-life situations. I like the way the story is structured as well. Usually you want a variety of sentence lengths in a piece of writing to add interest, but for such a short work as this, the use of similar-length sentences throughout works. I also think it contributes to the "perception-altering" idea, illustrating the shocking nature of the narrator's discoveries. I'm not sure that I'm really expressing what I'm trying to get at here... it's like every sentence is "Bang. Bang." Intense and effective - that kind of thing. An intriguing read. Nice work!

[Matching Socks]

Sometimes I'm not sure if the truth sets you free or holds you prisoner. Maybe a bit of both.
I like your story. Life changing moments... we've all had them and they can be scary as hell.
Because now you've got choices and decisions...
Right? Right.

[Dynafox]

Right! Lol thank you for a review. Tried to be a little biblical on this one and you hit it on the nose.

[Matching Socks]

You're welcome. :)

[Destiny Glenn]

Pretty intense... I like it... I'm honestly impressed. I could have never came up with an idea like that. Can't wait to read more of your work :)

[Dynafox]

awwww don't make me blush Destiny, I'm susceptible to flattery lol. But really thanks so much for your nice words.