A Halloween-y piece.
b4 u read, 2 versions here. the 1st has line ends, the 2nd is prose format.
A punk zombie with green red blue mohawk as high as battle axes devouring radiowave-broiled brains which secrete a delectable aroma like steak sizzling on a barbeque yet once bitten into tastes as bitter as liver as the gray matter sears the stomach like battery acid at which point the punk zombie doubles-over and pukes vomiting puss and entrails starts ripping off its ears gauging out its blood-shot eyes clawing out its intestines gnawing off his arms and thighs when sunlight hits the dismembered flopping body parts it sets aflame the yellow fumes choke and poison birds, tree, sky all that remains in the cinders are metal piercings studs, steel-toes, belts, rings, chains, zippers zippo, graffiti can, flask, needle and the rotting idealism of youth in the beaks of radioactive vultures flying overhead casting their toxic shadows on all below
A punk zombie with green red blue mohawk as high as battle axes devouring radiowave-broiled brains which secrete a delectable aroma like steak sizzling on a barbeque yet once bitten into it taste as bitter as liver and the gray matter sears the stomach like battery acid at which point the punk zombie doubles over and pukes vomiting puss and entrails begins ripping off its ears gauging out its blood-shot eyes clawing out his intestines and gnawing off his arms and thighs when sunlight hits the dismembered convulsing body parts it sets aflame and its yellow fumes chokes and poisons the birds and the trees all that remains in the cinders are metal piercing studs, boots, belts, rings, chains, zippers zippo, graffiti can, flask, needle and the rotting idealism of youth in the beaks of radioactive vultures flying overhead casting their toxic shadows on all below
taking votes. which version do you prefer (and why - even if it's just as simple as "It just looks cooler")? a little sneak-peak behind the decisions poets must undertake.
avatar from one of my fav all-time cheesiest 80s horror flick!
Ha! Love it. I'm a huge fan of zombies! Movies, video games (yeah prob too old for this but hey...) TV shows.
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse you need to call. I'll know exactly how to survive!
Personally, I prefer version one. The prose.
My brain feels jumbled and overwhelmed when I see too many words too close together.
As a reader, I'm more likely to stop and read the first one.
That's just me partially speaking from personal preference, partially from putting back on the marketing hat I used to wear years ago several years ago.
second version...why? none of your goddamn business!! haha...just kidding...whenever i read something...i'll think in my head how it would be presented aloud...to me, the second makes more sense
"all that remains in the cinders are metal piercings" -This part made me chuckle.
I believe I like the first version better, because in the way you have it written as prose, without the punctuation and with the double spaces between lines, it looks like it still wants to be a 'line ends' poem. And then this line, "-yellow fumes chokes and poisons". When I read it in the first version, it didn't bother me, but in the prose version, "chokes" looks like it's supposed to be "choke".
As for the poem: Definitely had fun reading this. It amuses me that you chose to write about a Punk Zombie, as opposed to something like a "Priest Zombie," because picturing this scene with someone who used to be a priest would be disturbing, but since it's a punk it seems appropriate somehow (vomiting in the street somewhere at night). Your descriptions were grotesque and constant throughout. Electric and high in energy. Not quite unlike Punk music. Rock on, man.
I remember being 5...6 years of age...at a babysitters house...they were playing this movie...trying to keep me out of the room. I was entranced...and horrified by what little I got to watch of this flick. The black and white will always be the best. It was then..my love of horror began. It intrigued me...the thrill..the shock factor...it was never the norm. Society became boring to me...innocence lost I guess. lol Blood never bothered me....zombies are not much different than you and I. They just have not created a patch yet to curb their cravings. I'm tired...rambling...good work! High scores.
I'm reading everyone in my friends list. One poem from each. What the hell! I was looking fwd to reading one of yours and I was not disappointed. This is great because it is vigorous and it reminds me of youth.
I esp like the jauntiness of these lines...
all that remains in the cinders
are metal piercings
studs, boots, belts, rings, chains, zippers
zippo, graffiti can, flask, needle
and the rotting idealism of youth
If I get tired in my reading mission - I'm like some reading marine drill sergeant reading platoon leader, machine gun reading that's me - I'll come back and read your KANT poem. For now I'm gonna put it behind my ear like a semi-smoked f*g (English usage) for later use.
Si se puede
I'm doing more multimedia stuff. Engaging. Experimenting. Expanding.
Check out my pieces below; It's 2020 not 1820. Time for change.
------------------------------.. more..