A Halloween-y piece.
b4 u read, 2 versions here. the 1st has line ends, the 2nd is prose format.
A punk zombie with green red blue mohawk as high as battle axes devouring radiowave-broiled brains which secrete a delectable aroma like steak sizzling on a barbeque yet once bitten into tastes as bitter as liver as the gray matter sears the stomach like battery acid at which point the punk zombie doubles-over and pukes vomiting puss and entrails starts ripping off its ears gauging out its blood-shot eyes clawing out its intestines gnawing off his arms and thighs when sunlight hits the dismembered flopping body parts it sets aflame the yellow fumes choke and poison birds, tree, sky all that remains in the cinders are metal piercings studs, steel-toes, belts, rings, chains, zippers zippo, graffiti can, flask, needle and the rotting idealism of youth in the beaks of radioactive vultures flying overhead casting their toxic shadows on all below
A punk zombie with green red blue mohawk as high as battle axes devouring radiowave-broiled brains which secrete a delectable aroma like steak sizzling on a barbeque yet once bitten into it taste as bitter as liver and the gray matter sears the stomach like battery acid at which point the punk zombie doubles over and pukes vomiting puss and entrails begins ripping off its ears gauging out its blood-shot eyes clawing out his intestines and gnawing off his arms and thighs when sunlight hits the dismembered convulsing body parts it sets aflame and its yellow fumes chokes and poisons the birds and the trees all that remains in the cinders are metal piercing studs, boots, belts, rings, chains, zippers zippo, graffiti can, flask, needle and the rotting idealism of youth in the beaks of radioactive vultures flying overhead casting their toxic shadows on all below
taking votes. which version do you prefer (and why - even if it's just as simple as "It just looks cooler")? a little sneak-peak behind the decisions poets must undertake.
avatar from one of my fav all-time cheesiest 80s horror flick!
Ha! Love it. I'm a huge fan of zombies! Movies, video games (yeah prob too old for this but hey...) TV shows.
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse you need to call. I'll know exactly how to survive!
Personally, I prefer version one. The prose.
My brain feels jumbled and overwhelmed when I see too many words too close together.
As a reader, I'm more likely to stop and read the first one.
That's just me partially speaking from personal preference, partially from putting back on the marketing hat I used to wear years ago several years ago.
Ha! Love it. I'm a huge fan of zombies! Movies, video games (yeah prob too old for this but hey...) TV shows.
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse you need to call. I'll know exactly how to survive!
Personally, I prefer version one. The prose.
My brain feels jumbled and overwhelmed when I see too many words too close together.
As a reader, I'm more likely to stop and read the first one.
That's just me partially speaking from personal preference, partially from putting back on the marketing hat I used to wear years ago several years ago.
The first controls the flow of your work. So it could be considered a free verse. The content and thought was pretty brutally disgusting, in a way that it affects people. It caught people's attention, if you're meant to make people feel disgusted, then you nailed it. I'm into brutality so this is just awesome.
The best phrase. "Rotting idealism of youth" It's reality... Great job...
Horror's really not my thing... closest I've got to watching one was MJ's Thriller, made back in the 80's and cheesy as hell. However this write is full of the stuff I'd rather read than see on screen.
You've captured all the right elements to make this a horror poem (if there's such a catagory on WC). Both pieces are cool - for you I doubt a difficult decision... you nailed it with both versions.
This poem makes me sick... But not because of the imagery you use, but because it seems like a horrible, ugly truth.
'the rotting idealism of youth'
for some reason i didn't find that line funny at all... in fact I think it's really sad.
As far as if it's a good poem or not... Well, I can't tell if it got it's message across, but it definitely sent a message to me.
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
I rarely comment on reviews, but I think you got it. This is "funny" in that "Merchant of Venice" wa.. read moreI rarely comment on reviews, but I think you got it. This is "funny" in that "Merchant of Venice" way. "Grotesque" really.
I like the first version, but what do I know , a punk zombie a double whammy. Rather graphic , not very pleasant either but then how else would you describe the rotting idealism of youth. Works , not a pretty sight but a good write.
I suppose one could say the top flows better, but in keeping true punk style, I enjoy the latter. Anarchy in poetry, haha.
This is entirely up my alley, everything about this, the imagery, the theme, I LOVED this most out of all your works I've read so far.
The top one is a lot easier to read, and the flow is a bit more.. idk, better. hah
Also, the graphic descriptions around the middle of it made me feel pretty nauseous.. If words can do that, it's pretty damn well written.
Albeit, the topic is a bit.. odd, but you're a bit odd, so it works.
I prefer the top one, because the transition from predominently punk to falling-apart zombie had more of a flow in it. But Good read, I love Zombies and I love punks. So a punk zombie blew my mind :P
"and the rotting idealism of youth".....I swear, I just about keeled over laughing :) That must have smelled something terrible. This, my friend, is a masterpiece, and that is all I can say to do it justice.
Oh, and version 1.
Si se puede
I'm doing more multimedia stuff. Engaging. Experimenting. Expanding.
Check out my pieces below; It's 2020 not 1820. Time for change.
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