Punk-Zombie!

A Halloween-y piece. b4 u read, 2 versions here. the 1st has line ends, the 2nd is prose format.

A punk zombie with green red blue
mohawk as high as battle axes
devouring radiowave-broiled brains
which secrete a delectable aroma
like steak sizzling on a barbeque
yet once bitten into
tastes as bitter as liver 
as the gray matter sears the stomach
like battery acid
at which point the punk zombie
doubles-over and pukes
vomiting puss and entrails
starts ripping off its ears
gauging out its blood-shot eyes
clawing out its intestines
gnawing off his arms and thighs
when sunlight hits the dismembered flopping body parts
it sets aflame
the yellow fumes
choke and poison
birds, tree, sky
all that remains in the cinders
are metal piercings
studs, steel-toes, belts, rings, chains, zippers
zippo, graffiti can, flask, needle
and the rotting idealism of youth
in the beaks of radioactive vultures
flying overhead
casting their toxic shadows
on all below


A punk zombie with green red blue  mohawk as high as battle axes  devouring radiowave-broiled brains  which secrete a delectable aroma  like steak sizzling on a barbeque  yet once bitten into  it taste as bitter as liver   and the gray matter sears the stomach  like battery acid  at which point the punk zombie  doubles over and pukes  vomiting puss and entrails  begins ripping off its ears  gauging out its blood-shot eyes   clawing out his intestines  and gnawing off his arms and thighs  when sunlight hits the dismembered convulsing body parts  it sets aflame and its yellow fumes  chokes and poisons  the birds and the trees  all that remains in the cinders  are metal piercing  studs, boots, belts, rings, chains, zippers  zippo, graffiti can, flask, needle  and the rotting idealism of youth  in the beaks of radioactive vultures  flying overhead casting their toxic shadows  on all below

Author's Note

taking votes. which version do you prefer (and why - even if it's just as simple as "It just looks cooler")? a little sneak-peak behind the decisions poets must undertake.

avatar from one of my fav all-time cheesiest 80s horror flick!

Return of the Living Dead

Reviews

[Matching Socks]

Ha! Love it. I'm a huge fan of zombies! Movies, video games (yeah prob too old for this but hey...) TV shows.
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse you need to call. I'll know exactly how to survive!

Personally, I prefer version one. The prose.
My brain feels jumbled and overwhelmed when I see too many words too close together.

As a reader, I'm more likely to stop and read the first one.
That's just me partially speaking from personal preference, partially from putting back on the marketing hat I used to wear years ago several years ago.

Great poem though, zombies aside...

[John Patrick Robbins AK..]

My friend I truly to love this as well being I'm a horror movie geek in some ways always have been hooked on horror films since I was a kid watching them on late night tv with the old horror movie hosts now I really am getting old.

As far as which one do I prefer I honestly like the way the first appears a little more just my opinion bud far as the visual thing.
great fun read sorry its been so long since ive commented hey I would have been around sooner but the asylum is dam hard to escape form

Cheers stay crazy
Gonzo

[Butch Decatoria]

Wow. Happy Halloween. Great write. Kudos.

[Elle Thompson]

really nice, vivid imagery
I guess I prefer the first version, but I feel like it needs to be cleaned up a little
some of the lines lack the punch that I was expecting, I guess
really fun to read though

[Tina Kline]

A very entertaining zombie poem. Great visuals in this.
I like the first one, the reason being is that it fits better in that format.

[Alessander]

Thanks, Kline. It's weird, I keep going back and forth between formats, and the reviewers are split for much the same reasons I have. But cool. And watch out for those PunkZombies!

[Tina Kline]

I'm watching out for them!

[Brittany Zedalis]

Awesomely dark! Both versions are great, I can't pick.

[Frontier]

Do punks/horror/zombies, do they call for spiritual rev/evolution?

I prefer the bottom one, to me it fits more with the style, as I had to read it fast like a ravenous zombie.

[Alessander]

Yeah, I kinda go back and forth. I think I originally wrote it 'prose' - more compact, urgent, mad. But decided to tinker with it.