A Halloween-y piece.
b4 u read, 2 versions here. the 1st has line ends, the 2nd is prose format.
A punk zombie with green red blue mohawk as high as battle axes devouring radiowave-broiled brains which secrete a delectable aroma like steak sizzling on a barbeque yet once bitten into tastes as bitter as liver as the gray matter sears the stomach like battery acid at which point the punk zombie doubles-over and pukes vomiting puss and entrails starts ripping off its ears gauging out its blood-shot eyes clawing out its intestines gnawing off his arms and thighs when sunlight hits the dismembered flopping body parts it sets aflame the yellow fumes choke and poison birds, tree, sky all that remains in the cinders are metal piercings studs, steel-toes, belts, rings, chains, zippers zippo, graffiti can, flask, needle and the rotting idealism of youth in the beaks of radioactive vultures flying overhead casting their toxic shadows on all below
A punk zombie with green red blue mohawk as high as battle axes devouring radiowave-broiled brains which secrete a delectable aroma like steak sizzling on a barbeque yet once bitten into it taste as bitter as liver and the gray matter sears the stomach like battery acid at which point the punk zombie doubles over and pukes vomiting puss and entrails begins ripping off its ears gauging out its blood-shot eyes clawing out his intestines and gnawing off his arms and thighs when sunlight hits the dismembered convulsing body parts it sets aflame and its yellow fumes chokes and poisons the birds and the trees all that remains in the cinders are metal piercing studs, boots, belts, rings, chains, zippers zippo, graffiti can, flask, needle and the rotting idealism of youth in the beaks of radioactive vultures flying overhead casting their toxic shadows on all below
taking votes. which version do you prefer (and why - even if it's just as simple as "It just looks cooler")? a little sneak-peak behind the decisions poets must undertake.
avatar from one of my fav all-time cheesiest 80s horror flick!
Ha! Love it. I'm a huge fan of zombies! Movies, video games (yeah prob too old for this but hey...) TV shows.
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse you need to call. I'll know exactly how to survive!
Personally, I prefer version one. The prose.
My brain feels jumbled and overwhelmed when I see too many words too close together.
As a reader, I'm more likely to stop and read the first one.
That's just me partially speaking from personal preference, partially from putting back on the marketing hat I used to wear years ago several years ago.
My friend I truly to love this as well being I'm a horror movie geek in some ways always have been hooked on horror films since I was a kid watching them on late night tv with the old horror movie hosts now I really am getting old.
As far as which one do I prefer I honestly like the way the first appears a little more just my opinion bud far as the visual thing.
great fun read sorry its been so long since ive commented hey I would have been around sooner but the asylum is dam hard to escape form
really nice, vivid imagery
I guess I prefer the first version, but I feel like it needs to be cleaned up a little
some of the lines lack the punch that I was expecting, I guess
really fun to read though
A very entertaining zombie poem. Great visuals in this.
I like the first one, the reason being is that it fits better in that format.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thanks, Kline. It's weird, I keep going back and forth between formats, and the reviewers are split .. read moreThanks, Kline. It's weird, I keep going back and forth between formats, and the reviewers are split for much the same reasons I have. But cool. And watch out for those PunkZombies!
Do punks/horror/zombies, do they call for spiritual rev/evolution?
I prefer the bottom one, to me it fits more with the style, as I had to read it fast like a ravenous zombie.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Yeah, I kinda go back and forth. I think I originally wrote it 'prose' - more compact, urgent, mad. .. read moreYeah, I kinda go back and forth. I think I originally wrote it 'prose' - more compact, urgent, mad. But decided to tinker with it.
Si se puede
I'm doing more multimedia stuff. Engaging. Experimenting. Expanding.
Check out my pieces below; It's 2020 not 1820. Time for change.
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