Shadow-Play

"X"

The shadows in the corners of the room
whisper my name
they are the same shadows
by alley ways,
            behind tombstones
       underneath beds
inside my head

over the plains

the highest and whitest of clouds
cast darkest hues

the brightest of suns

i think of you

                         the whispers get louder
                         the curtains flutter
                         the air turns colder

somewhere a murmur

                         shhh

be still   be still  my dear

the rope hanging in the attic
                        the vague visions through the static
                                    the tremors of the addict

shhh
  be still
      my dear

                          love casts its pallor
                                blood on pale collar 
                                  i hear you call her
 

                   by candle lights
                        as rain drops
                               and winds howl
                                       and wood creaks


      
               icy razors lay on warm tubs
                            guillotines fly through the air                
                    birds fall from thick heights
               like notes of despair


don't shake your head
it will all end
soon
in the corner of the room
where the shadows call out your name
like the wind sweeps the rain


               pull out a smoke
                    drag over a chair
                          sit by the window
                            and stare


 there is the world    there is the world
   you are not a part of
                there is the world
            full of cruel love
        there the children laughing and playing
 like you never have
or ever could

   its' understood

                  the rain floods into gutters
                       the once crisp leaves drift
                          they sog and they shudder 
                          from spring-autumn skies
                                 down down sewage drains
                                     all truths mask in lies
                                          all love in pain      

shhh  shhh

 the shadows the shadows

   they whisper my name.

Reviews

[Rachael Lea]

creating shadows with your words
recreating the allure the shadows seductively call to you seemingly absurd
still creating images of longing,
things calling out to you as well, that are not in the shadows no sense of belonging.
yet the shadows win as they pull you in.
reminding you of emptiness, making you feel grim.
telling you to pull up that chair.
reminding you of all of your despair.
to do what exactly? To torture you? To bring to you an opaque light?
as you continue trying to decipher wrong from right?
who is to win do you know?
will you let the shadows continue to grow?
as you search for answers longing for something that's not there.
painfully crafting your fragile world with gentle and loving care.
the answer is up you on how to decide.
whether or not you choose to confide.
giving in to the enticing tone of voice
may or may not cause in you to rejoice
the answer is truly one that is up in the air
choose it however you will, do not live in despair.
If shadows are your foe
make the wise decision to make them go
though if shadows are where its at
well embrace it fully, like a diplomat
enjoy your life either way is what I must say
give it your all, live for today


Okay so I wasn't meaning to write like that but it just sort of came out. I guess its obvious that I like this as well. You really are talented. Very nicely written. Though I am left wanting to know more as you can very well tell. Very thought inducing and inspiring.

[Alessander]

Thanks Rachael. Man, I must've missed this review. You're prolly long gone now, but appreciate you're in depth thoughts.

[zig]

i had a brother. well not a real brother, but a foster brother, and he shot himself in the head when he was 18. not a single day goes by that his shadow doesnt cross me somehow. i remember once we were exploring the drainage tunnels under a shopping complex and found a bunch of weird junk, two items in particular, a shotgun and a typewriter. we carried them back home thru vacent lots in the middle of the night, he laughed at me the whole way, dragging that f*****g typewriter. back then he looked pretty cool with that shotgun over his shoulder, but doesnt seem so cool now, seems like the most conveluted foreshadowing ever conceived. we hid them behind the fence of the house, in a hole covered with bricks and old rugs. kind of wish i had kept the typewriter. not exactly sure why im telling you all this... its a poem i've been meaning to write, but put off for twenty two years. anyway, very well written, can't think of anything else to say.

[Ask Nopf]

I swear on anything worth anything to me, this is the most depressing poem I have ever read, but it's beautiful, hauntingly so. It's almost as if the poem itself is what would be whispered from the shadows, it's so hauntingly beautiful.
Some parts of it seem more vague to me, but that may be because I know nothing of your past, or because your past may be longer or more strenuous than mine.

In the end, this poem is very moving. I'm reading it at night, and I'm tempted to turn every light on in my room and not go to bed, just in case my mind creates the whispers in the dark.

[Ink Addict]

I'm not sure if I have the right words to describe how much I really dig this dark poem. I love it when peeps write with a fragmented style of writing. Not everyone can do it and make it work but with you, you mastered it with this piece.

To me, it's more real, more poignant and really hits home. Too many good lines to quote but I'll end this by quoting two and saying, 'I enjoyed it so much I read it twice.'

icy razors lay on warm tubs..... like notes of despair
the shadows the shadows they whisper my name

Perfectly dark and creepy and real. Thanx for sharing

[JustNeedToBeHappy]

This is beautiful :) And I see a very strong Joy Division influence :)

[shel]

the highest and whitest of clouds
cast darkest hues

the brightest of suns

i think of you

~I liked the pairing of contrasts here...and how the temperature drops (whispers louder/air colder) immediately after.


the rope hanging in the attic
the vague visions through the static
the tremors of the addict

icy razors lay on warm tubs
guillotines fly through the air
birds fall from thick heights
like notes of despair

~Definite stand-outs, these images lingered in my mind (in particular the rope...visions of 'Control' came to mind, naturally...and the guillotines, the sound and thought of the metal in motion, capturing the light) and I think the bird image/metaphor is spot-on, really nice. That said, I'm thinking 'lay' is too passive or something...maybe switch to something that implies waiting or readiness a bit more?


love casts its pallor
blood on pale collar
i hear you call her


by candle lights
as rain drops
and winds howl
and wood creaks

~You're gonna hate me...but I keep thinking these 2 could be cut. The images don't seem to fit or measure up to the others, and the lone reference to 'her' threw me.


pull out a smoke
drag over a chair
sit by the window
and stare

there is the world there is the world
you are not a part of

~There's a chill through the beginning of the poem...it seems to morph into a sense of emptiness here...I think this works well as a follow-up to the visions. Much like your Camus/Crane piece, there is this moment of 'well, what IS left?'


I'm on the fence about the line about love...mostly because 'all love in pain' seems like something you'd personally try to avoid using. But then again, you need that partner for 'all truths masked in lies'...adding another layer of disillusionment, on top of emptiness, on top of despair...

[Jo]

once again, your mastery of imagery is the centerpiece of this work. I love leaving the reader with "rain floods into gutters" and "once crisp leaves" with the sound of whispers. yes, there is "morbidity" here, but it is tempered by your references to nature, children, and even the mundane ("sit by the window and stare"). nice work.

[Winslow Des Totes]

Wow, about a third of the way through I found myself speaking this out loud. The flow was amazing and I must say I am truly jealous! :D Absolutely amazing write! I loved the surreality the end took on as though slipping away, into a dream like state almost. :D Also, great use of syntax, it worked out perfectly all the way until the end. You were right, this is one of my new favorites!

[Christie Moses]

I feel suspended for moments. Awesome writing again. I really loved the lines
"icy razors lay on warm tubs
guillotines fly through the air
birds fall from thick heights
like notes of despair"
They are so sharp and moving. The ending leaves me feeling sad and slightly restless.

[Collect-Eye]

you putt the reader into the thinker's heart
it started out as a typo so I changed in to into
the reason you can accomplish this is because you're floating, I would imagination through someone's and everyone's mind
you've thrown separation to the wind and you trusted it to sweep the rain and
placed this thought exactly within the flow of this stream of consciousness where it needed to be
lots of brilliance and raw emotion
very succinct for something so effortlessly maudlin
you even threw an element of two of modern day poe-speak in there
it would've been too cheesy if you went too classical
but duh, you know this
very nice sir!