Silent Hill

A Poem by The writer

Silent Hill

I fear silence.

Oh the silent sill!

Were my own thoughts

attack me.

But this is an unique silence.

The silence of my soul, the hill.

This are though

times for me.

What is the color of the soul?

Is it bright,

like the sun.

Or is it dark,

like the night.

In the silent hill,

everything is dark.

Oh the silent hill!

How is the voice

of the soul, the hill.

Is it deep,

like the sea.

Or is it sweet,

like candy.

- The Writer

© 2021 The writer

Author's Note

Thanks for reading!

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Reviews

JayG

• I am a boy who expresses his feelings on paper.

Here's your first mistake. Why would anyone but yourself care how you feel, given that we know not the smallest thing about you? Are you unique in a way that will interest the reader? Doesn't seem so.

What you miss is that your reader isn't with you to learn about you. They want your words to be meaningful to THEM, and entertain THEM, by providing an emotional experience, not a lecture. But what can the reader, who arrives with no context and zero knowledge of your intent, take from: "I fear silence."

Perhaps, were they to already know why the speaker does, it might be meaningful to the reader. But if they knew, you wouldn't have to tell them, so the line can't work for anyone but you.

And while you may clarify in later lines, there is no second, first-impression. Remember, many of your readers, like me, are sitting in front of a keyboard in a silent room. And they don't fear silence.

• Oh the silent sill!

Truthfully, I have not a clue of what you mean. You know of course. So for you, it works. But the only sills I know of are attached to the windows in my room, and I'm not impressed by the fact that they don't talk. I'd be a lot more fearful if they did.

My point? Write from your chair, of course. But we must always edit from that chair of the reader, who has only the context WE evoke or provide as, or before, the line is read. Fail that and we have words in a row, but no meaning.

Sorry my news wasn't better.