My First Love

Returning to our First Love

Oh how I remember being sixteen and in love for the very first time. I was attending a youth group in Ohio and a friend introduced me to the Pastors nephew. He was very cute and extremely sweet. We dated for several months until he moved on to another. For him this may have come easy, but for me there was clear devastation. I just knew I was going to die. First of embarrassment and then heartache. After all, I was sixteen with a broken heart and I just knew at that moment I would never love again. (Dramatic)

 

After all, who doesn't remember their teenage heartbreak and just being convinced that your life was over at that moment? Then of course a few months had passed and I met another cute boy and that heartache seemed to have dissipated fairly quickly. It was in that same year and at that very same church that I had accepted Christ as my Savior. I had no idea what had hit me at that moment except anger. Immediately I had realized that I had given my heart to this Jesus that I knew nothing about, but I knew I gave it to Him because I felt it. It was a rush of adrenaline the second I said yes. My eyes began to tear up, my hands began to shake and I was a complete mess. Boy' was I angry. I had promised myself that I would never trust again. Not just because of the break up, but because the break up was one of several heartaches in my life and I just knew if I built a wall around me that I could protect myself from anymore pain, from rejection and any other emotions that came with the kind of love I have always experienced.

 

It took many years of living a life of rebellion before I came to realize who God was for me to even grasp how something so Great as He could love me with a pure intimacy. This God that they introduced me to loved me expecting nothing in return. He loved me and had plans for me before I was ever born. I found out that there was nothing I could do to make Him stop loving me, and believe me when I say that for years I tried. I just knew if I pushed Him away hard enough then He would run. I was right. He did run, but He ran towards me not away from me. He perused me even when I thought I was hidden from Him. I truly realized that there was nothing I could do to make Him leave me, to discourage His love for me. Well' you know that saying: If you can't beat them then join them, and that's what I did. I spent years trying to figure out how to love Him as my Father and my Friend. I needed to know how to express my true love to the God who chose to make something beautiful out of me when I thought there was nothing left. I needed to know how to make Jesus my first love and not to depend on the love of mankind. So, I would and still do wake up in the mornings and talk to Him and invite Him to make a path for me before I make any decisions for that day.

 

I am learning how to love Him in return by reading His word and learning who He is to me. I wanted to know why I should continue to receive this love that He offers so generously. Then I read this scripture in Isaiah 61:3 He will give a crown of Beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, praise instead of despair etc. and with that I understood He was going to set me free from my captivity and turn my sorrow into joy. He was going to deliver every ugly thing within me and make it Beautiful. For the first time ever I was excited about feeling Beautiful. I knew from the moment I read that scripture that I no longer had to plead for love. I no longer had to be who everyone else thought I should be in order to experience a love that grand. I was beautiful in the eyes of my Father and that satisfied my heart and my spirit. When I got to the point that I was no longer afraid to be loved by Him, things about me just naturally began to change from the inside out. For the first time in my life I began to look like my Father. I had found my first true love, an Agape kind of love. A love that was so unconditional that even if I refused to allow God to change the things in me that were not of Him, He was still going to love me with all His heart. So I chose to love Him with my whole heart, and I do that by spending time with Him everyday. 

You can never build a relationship of love without spending time together and getting to know one another. Jesus already knows you, but do you know Him? Do you know who He is for you and what He desires for you? Do you know how much He loves you? As with any marriage it takes commitment and intimacy, and there is a marriage between you and Christ. You are the Bride of Christ. Intimacy with the Father takes place in your Worship to Him, in the time you spend with Him in prayer and in His word. Relationship takes sacrifice. Sometimes you have to sacrifice the things of your flesh in order to become one with Christ in the Spirit.

 

Have you ever experienced a First Love with the Father? Jesus wants to be your First Love. He wants that intimate time alone with you. Weather you are just meeting Him for the first time or you already know Him but lost your passion to love Him like you used too, Recalling your salvation experience and your first love for the Lord can help you recognize changes that have developed in your relationship with God since then. Do you have a greater or weaker sense of your need for God now? Are you cooler toward God and less passionate about spiritual things than you once were? Forsake the thoughts, attitudes, and actions that have drawn your attention away from a wholehearted love for God. Receive God’s forgiveness, and renew your commitment to do the “first works” of your faith. He desires to love you with an agape kind of love. It doesn't matter how long it's been since you have recognized Him as your First Love. He is still standing there with arms wide open, loving you just as strongly as He did the first time you received His love. Jesus is asking you to make Him your First Love once again. Will you give your heart to the Lord? Will you return to the passion for Christ that you once had and make Him your First Love? 

                                                                    Karen Hurl

                                                                     5/24/206