Palin-itis

A Poem by Alecia Noelle

WARNING: High-Risk individuals need to protect themselves against Palin-itis!!

Palin-itis. noun. A disease that targets the brain cells of previously semi-rational Americans, slowly destroying all capacity for intelligence, common sense and rational decision making.

Characteristics of the Disease:

1. The most common symptom is suddenly finding yourself thinking, saying, acting or tweeting in offensive and irresponsible ways.

2. It is rarely ever fatal, but frequently causes insanity and self-destruction among those inflicted- with many people describing the sensation that their brains are on fire.

3. Palin-itis is contracted by exposure to its host, a type of rare human-like species called Sarah Palin. (Luckily there has only been one of these creatures confirmed to be in existence at this time.)

4. The disease is highly infectious and easily transmitted though second hand exposure, usually through TV, with the most common sub-type being CNN-acquired Palin-itis. Note: can also be spread through any exposure to previously inflicted individuals.

Additional Information:

1. It should be noted that Palin-itis can be intermittent and lie dormant for months or even years at a time before suddenly appearing and causing major symptoms with no warning. (known as the acute version)

2. It is capable of slowly destroying the brains of even the most resistant beings through prolonged exposure over a period of months (known as the chronic version, the kind responsible for the 2008 outbreak during the Presidential Election)

3. Diagnosis of Palin-itis is confirmed by checking the patients ballot from the last Presidential Election. NOTE: A Palin-Positive ballot has been observed in 100% of Palin-itis cases.

4. There is no known cure for this disease as of yet, but afflicted individuals can be considered in remission once they do not test Palin-Positive on their screening ballots.

OVERVIEW: This disease is currently running rampant across America, causing an extremely unstable environment. Anyone with access to TV is now considered High-Risk for Palin-itis!!