Happy Insomnia

I cannot sleep. 

I cannot sleep, because I am about to cry, about the feelings in my heart. 

I might laugh it off, but you touched me deep inside.

You told me you were in love with me last night.

My soul cracked a smile for the first time in 6 months. 

I wish that everyone could experience this feeling. 

Only a few months ago, I was on the city bus, wishing a car would crash into it. To end it all. 

My room, my heart, my head was a mess. My face was a mess, my body was a mess.

I still have the physique of the deer, weak and frail, bony knees, skinny waist. English rose complexion. 

Eyes like water, hair, the colour of thick syrup, lips like sugary rose petals. 

I am not beautiful - But my body can be broken down into descriptions, which I think is beautiful. I love describing things. 

I am listening to quiet indie songs, my heart's about to burst of both sleep deprivation and happiness. I have you - And the night. 

I only have one new year's resolution - Just keep doing what you're doing. Because I am going in the right direction. I am not congratulating myself, although I ought to. I am doing okay. 

About a month ago, I started thinking about moving out. I started buying my own shampoo and conditioner, instead of just using my parents's. It made me feel like an adult.

 It is ridiculous, but all these things mixed together in a jolt of independance and love from around, makes me so happy. 

I am not going to think so much anymore about the past and the future. But about the now, and the near future, just me and you, my friends, education, philosophy, humaniora, the language of the human psyche and soul. 

God, I am so excited for 2013. 

Sleep-deprived 17 year-old, essaying her way to sleep. Could be worse. At least my psyche is smiling again.