Practical Advice When Thinking of Dating On-lineA Story by Albert FreemanWriting an article about dating on-line can be a tricky thing as it has some stark differences between dating in the 'real world'. If you follow these practical and basic guidelines then you can make your experience fun and rewarding and come out smelling
Practical Advice When Thinking of Dating On-line
by Albert Freeman April 2, 2008
Writing an article about dating on-line can be a tricky thing as it has some stark differences between dating in the 'real world'. If you follow these practical and basic guidelines then you can make your experience fun and rewarding and come out smelling like roses.
I've learned a few things in the nine years I've been on-line and met many people in the process. Having always been able to relate to people in my life I found it easy to get people to open up to me. In doing so I've found that no matter where people are in this world when it comes to those who are thinking of dating on-line the same mistakes tend to be made again and again. Now we all like to think of ourselves as rather smart and practical people, but there is still a sense of wonder and magic about meeting people all over while in the comforts of your own home. It makes you feel in charge and confident because if the going gets tough you could always click the 'x' button, hit the ignore button or simply log off and walk away or on to the next site. In the interest of fairness, I seen to have that keen ability of knowing a lot of women on-line and many of them have turned out not to be as stable as I initially thought of. This is by no means a blanket statement about women on-line as I've met many who are confident, strong and wonderful people to be around. That being said this is mostly an article for women to use as they navigate the mine fields known as on-line dating and the various dating sites. What I'm offering is not some magical elixir or something that will just trip a switch in the brain and make it all simple and easy to do. Instead what I am offering is practical advice many of my friends failed to heed or simply thought they did not need to follow. I'm offering ten easy rules that can help weed out the guys looking for everything you aren't looking for. By no means is this the only way to avoid these guys, but it is the practical things I've come up with after my years of being on-line and observing these things play out.
Always ask questions: Don't be afraid to ask questions. That's how you can really get a feel for if he is genuinely into you or just out to have fun with you. Some would consider this prying, but I disagree. If you're looking for an actual relationship then the more you no the better you can actually understand and decide if he is compatible for you.
Don't be afraid to ask about family: I've found asking about his family can be very insightful as well. If he is open about his family, it means he is opening himself up to you. If he is not willing to do so or is not talkative about it, then it is usually a red flag sign. Those who are closed are usually after something quick and want to move on as quickly.
Don't hesitate to set your boundaries and stand firm: Draw your line in the sand and keep your standards. If a man is genuinely interested in you he will accept such boundaries and even find you more attractive for having such standards and confidence to keep them. If you cave simply to keep a guy interested he will continue to take and eventually see you as something temporary until he moves on. Hold true to yourself.
Small lies lead to bigger lies: If you catch him in small lies they usually come about in the process of building up to bigger lies. Unfortunately I've found this one to be very true with a lot of military guys on-line. Mostly it has taken place in Yahoo for me and tends to involve guys married or in long term relationships. Beware of such lies and when found hold firm or cut your ties.
Watch and see if you're introduced to friends and or family: This one goes in part with if he talks about his friends and his family. If he introduces you to his friends and family that are on-line that is a good sign that he is either interested in you as a long term friend or possibly in a romantic way. The problem arises when this does not happen and it is due to either he isn't interested in you as more than a casual friend or he possibly already has a wife or girl friend and you're about to be the woman on the side. Be aware of this.
If he is controlling or clingy beware: This one has always puzzled me. Off-line, for the most part, you wouldn't meet a guy and then immediately afterward let him control your life or hog up your time, yet this continually happens on-line. The guys who do this usually have an agenda and you find out he's a control freak who's been married multiple times or some other thing that would make a good movie on the Lifetime channel. Keep control of yourself and your end of the relationship and don't back down from your own standards and beliefs.
If he always gets his way and never compromises walk away: If this one happens, I've yet to see a relationship survive or if it does it is never healthy. A good relationship involves both people compromising and doing things the other likes that you may not jump for joy to do. If you're the only one giving then it is only a matter of time before he moves on. Their has to be some element of a challenge or freshness of thought or no relationship would survive. It's nice to do things that make your significant other happy , but don't forget to do the things that made you happy prior to finding him.
If your instincts set of alarm bells trust them: Have you ever done something against your better judgment and kicked yourself later for not listening to yourself? We all have and this one and it is a big one. Always trust your instincts. They will rarely let you down. If you start getting that bad vibe about a guy and what he is doing or saying listen to it and ask some deep questions to follow.
If you have to drop friends and or family to be with him beware: Now I've been a friend dropped to magically make a relationship whole so this one is a big one for me. Seriously do you really want to get with someone so insecure that you have to drop friends you've known for years or even your flesh and blood? Besides it starts with that and steadily gets worse and soon all you can do is dress in itchy wool and never leave the house unless with a tracking bracelet.
The devils in the details: It's the little things that make a relationship strong, whether a compliment unsolicited, a poem being given to you done from his mind, or a romantic date for no reason at all. Just as off-line dating, dating on-line is the same way. If he doesn't do these things it's a sure sign that maybe he isn't as into you as you are into him. Details can also trip him up if he lies or is trying to play you. In the end paying attention to detail could make the difference between a happy relationship, a dismal one, or your ability to avoid a disaster waiting to happen.
These are just ten helpful things I've come up with in my years. By no means will I ever reach Dr. Phil level, but I've found some joy in helping people avoid mistakes or avoid making the same mistakes again and again. I hope in reading this people can take some knowledge from it and hopefully have learned from all I have said. As more and more people get into finding potential mates and dates on-line people need to be aware of the pluses and minuses of it. Be mindful and be cautious and as always, everything in moderation. © 2008 Albert FreemanAuthor's Note
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Added on April 2, 2008AuthorAlbert Freemanraymond, MSAboutI'm one of 5 boys born to my mother and father. My dad served 23 years in the Army. I served 6 years in the Air Force and enjoyed traveling to Korea, Japan, and Maryland while in. My interests vary, b.. more..Writing
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