Quothe the raven

poetry

                               
                               
                               
       
Quothe The Raven

A Poem by Albert Freeman


Quothe The Raven

 

Roses are blue, violets are red, the sooner you

know the sooner you will be dead

quothe the raven to me on a dark rainy night

by chance I came upon the raven as I made it through the woods

His dark dead eyes did run through my body

shivers of fear rode through my thoughts

as I peered most deep at the raven

 

You will be dead, the raven did speak again

With lips gone dry and rain still following

ever closer did I come to the raven

darkness did close upon me as I blink

despair did set in

a call of the raven did echo talk of death

denial sprang from my lips as I did cry out

 

Roses are blue, violets are red, the sooner you

know the sooner you will be dead

quothe the raven again as the night closed in

I felt my soul shrivel inside

thoughts gone numb my hands now lifeless

my eyes stung with tears as I plead for my life

 

The raven did stare at me head cocked to the side

Was it amusement I saw in his eyes

Beak now open he cawed his laughter

my pleading falling lifeless from my lips

fear choking me senseless

the clawing closeness of the forest

driving me to my knees

half forgotten prayers welling up inside me

 

The raven did take to flight

sending me cowering with fright

the cawing of mock laughter sending

shivers down my spine

He looked at me once again as if

with an emphasis to remember

and off he went, echos of thought

deep in my head

stumbling to my feet

running away, wanting to forget the caw

of a raven

 

© 2008 Albert Freeman

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Reviews

[Poeticpiers]

I liked the idea but your rhyme is forced in places you use of awkwardly constructed sentences detract from you presentation
ie the Raven did stare at me
darkness did clos upon me as I blink
I am quite sure you can edit this without losing the ambience with al ittle judicious thought
The acid test is to readit aloud or preferably have some one read it to you If it doesnt flow like warm honey edit and re edit until it does I look forward to reading more of your writing ivor aka poeticpiers

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

hmmmm....

[R J Askew]

Firstly I like the menace you work up with the raven and the general darkess of the piece. For me the raven could be some inner fear, a mental breakdown, or some such.

But I think the execution could be tigher. Could you change the 'Roses...' line? I don't think it's a strong or fresh enough one to kick off with. And the word 'did' doesn't sound right.

I like the cocked head and could see the bird doing that, but 'shivers down the spine' is a cliche. 'Was it amusement I saw in his eyes?' was the best line for me.