No one Knows

March 14th 2014

Ever wonder what it would be like

To have more than just your voice in your head?

That dont only talk but they also fight

They tell you to do things

some good some bad 

and your forced to do their every command

People say Its not real. Its just in your head

I know its in my head. 

Thats what makes it worse

I know im not normal 

These twisted voices prove that

My mind is a messed up place

When i was young

i learned to hide the voices

Not even my parents know

Now I’m fifteen and they still don't know

but keeping something like this hidden for so long

Can have dire consequences 

The voices never left

If anything more came

Theres nothing i can do

They still command me but I've learned

I do not have to do the things they say

Even though sometimes the fear takes over

Some days are good and the voices stay silent

other days are not and the voices turn violent

some days i can bear it others i cannot

Yet still no one knows

no one knows my smile is fake

And I'm fighting on the inside

People ask why I’m so anti social 

Well its hard to talk with voices yelling in your head

And it far more easy to hide my mind the further i am away 

April 30th 2015

I am now 16 and lifes no better

the voices are still there

nothings getting better 

im still all alone

lost in this confusion

i cant bear to tell anyone

i am slipping into my own world

i sit there staring at a wall

not moving not speaking just thinking

this is not day dreaming 

this is a step up

i sit there for hours playing in my own world

lately I've been confused

between my world and reality

i must constantly watch what i do and say

What I'm saying

where is it from

My world or this reality

If i slip up

one little mistake

everyone will know

The only place i am free is my own world

I can do what i like

No one hates me or is cruel

My world contians many different areas

I call them countries

most come from books or shows

 i often escape there

sometimes not by choice

and unless I'm in my world i cannot be still

All this has gotten me labeled ADHD 

I know that i am not

but it gives me an excuse

I know i shouldn't use it 

but it makes my life so much easier

its easier to escape to your world when you have a reason

Author's Note

I wrote this on March 14th 2014. Two days after my 15th birthday. I wrote it on paper and hid it in my room.Its April 30th 2015. A little over a year since i first wrote this poem. I recently moved and found it. After reading it i decided to add onto it the upload it.