ash.

a little boy, frightened by the sight of his own shadow, retreated to his room one late afternoon. after a long hot summer day of riding bikes up and down the street with the other neighborhood boys, he saw the street lights turning on and remembered his mother would kill him is he wasn't home for dinner. so he rushed quickly to warm his seat at the dinner table. he enjoyed his meal and sat back in his chair, releasing a heavy sigh. a sigh of full satisfaction. his stomach swollen and hard with glee, as he was overflowing with joy. so much so he decided to head to his room to simply look out the window and observe the busy streets, take the time to enjoy the full meal digesting in his tummy, which he realized lately had become a rare sensation.

all of a sudden, snow begins to fall. except, he thought to himself, this isn't regular snow, these flakes look weird, and...i mean it's summer, how could it be snowing. he ran out to his mother who had noticed the strange white clumps floating down from the sky as well. they went outside. and smelled something in the air. the boy hadn't been familiar with this smell, but his mother had. with sadness, she hung her head at the realization of what was happening.

she took her boy by his hand and walked him down a block or so. a building not so far away from there own was being burned to the ground. the young boy was scared, afraid of the loud noises, the crowd, the mist, the snow, the panic that just hung in the air. he hugged at his mother's thigh. "Ma, why's it snowing...god trying to put out the fire?"

She rested her hand on his young head, smiling at how he turned everything into having a slight glimmer of hope. she picked him up and wondered, why at her age, that sort of thing was cute, instead of common place. "it's just ash honey."

Reviews

[Taylor H.]

3 major issues.
1. you told the whole story and didn't show any of that
2. the grammar and sentence structures were horrible
3. you said I while using 3rd person (NO!!)

fix this.