A Party

first poem i ever wrote back when i went to a series of parties.

 

This night i am attending a party
a party all too familiar
this night i know i will not enjoy
all the innocent killers

The room is hot and filled
with provocative young women
flaunting there beauty
embracing there sin

Soldiers long retired
tell fables of past wars
i listen with interest
about the battles on the shores

they tell me of the days
when the fire raged on
and how the light of the sun
shined all year long

full grown giants
who understand nothing at all
speak of everything in sight
no matter how many words fall

the room and earth shake
as the music roars through the air
and i remove all shackles
and dance without a care

the heat of the women
allow me to forget what they are
and i become lost in passion
and dance among the stars

it is a peculiar thing
when a woman looks in your eyes
you begin to lose yourself
and let go of time

the music begins to fade
and the sun begins to rise
the party slowly comes to an end
along with everyone's lies

i turn and leave
with a smile on my face
i will always love and hate
this treacherous, wonderful place.

Reviews

[The Lit Wit]

I enjoyed the way it was written, but I did see some areas where the wording could have had more of an impact. For example,
"This night i am attending a party
a party all too familiar
this night i know i will not enjoy
all the innocent killers"
It might make more of an impact to elaborate upon these sentences and to cut them a bit more. maybe something like, "Tonight I'm attending a party/A part I don't wish to play/But all too familiar am I/Among the killers/And the innocence they play." Something like this, it unifies the parts into almost a story.
Good job though and good luck,

Melinda

[Mistaken]

This is really good...I like the flow of your writing. To me this states how someone can act like who they really aren't... over all great poem more please:)