Buoyant

 I'm concerning myself with the matters of life. One part of me tugs me to be like my 11th grade Pre-Calculus teacher, carefree, kind, compassion, effervescent while frivolous. Honest, too. He has class and is beautiful and elegant like a swan. What I desire or wish is that I were to be like him. 

    It's just my mom, she thinks that if she nags and berates me she is motivating me. I need to see myself as a person, not a woman or object  of pleasure. 

    Rudeness, ignorance, happiness or being hubris. What makes a person feel the pleasantness of life in a meaningful manner. My mother does not set goals for herself, she just stays at home. I desire that I am buoyant in my goals and feelings, light and always moving.

    I don't understand my father's ruthless and reckless behavior, why does he not try to build a better life for himself? A family with money and charity with his character and appearance. What spurs my biological mother to stay at home with him, her hair or body rarely coming intact with the sunshine or the sun outside of our three floored home?

    She doesn't want to work. 

    I picture myself or I believe is an ideal for me to always work, write books, be my own person. I do good works and I live life fully. 

    Somewhat like my 11th grade Pre-Calculus teacher.