I Want One

Pester power

 

“Can I have one of those?” I tugged at Mum’s jacket as we passed the toyshop window “Can I? Can I? Can I?”

            “Not now.” She seemed distracted.

            “But Mum.” The whine always gets results, but not this time.

            I tore my gaze away from the big yellow plane that hung in the window of the toyshop, I’d been after it for months, it’d make Kyle’s look rubbish. I thought this might be the day that Mum’d cave in, but she didn’t even notice my whine.

            She was staring across the street.

            In fact everybody was.

            I glanced back at the plane, still there, then over to where everybody was looking.

            All I could see were legs; it looked like a forest of strange coloured trees.

            “What’s going on Mum?” I tugged again at her jacket.

            “Not now.” Her face looked cross, like it did when she caught me stuffing towels down the toilet.

            I shined up a lamppost and tried to get a better view.

            “Get down from there.” She finally noticed me.

            “But I want to see.”

            “There’s nothing too see.”

            “Everybody else is.” I clung to the lamppost.

            “Get down.” She tugged at my arm, it hurt and I fell down. I could see something through the legs, looked like a bundle of rags lying on the road.

            “I’m sorry.” I could hear her voice, but the rags on the road moved, people stood round.

            “Sam?” I felt Mum’s hand on my shoulder, she lifted me up and hugged me “I’m sorry.”

            As she lifted me up I could see over the crowd, over the backs of peoples heads, I wonder if it’s cold when you’ve got no hair? I could see the rags, only they weren’t rags, they were a man in tatty clothes, covered in dirt and stains, Mum’d never let me wear stuff like that. His long white hair made him look like Santa, but his face was black and battered.

            “Is he dead?”

            “Sam?” Mum lowered me until I was level with her face, her large blue eyes looked massive.

            “He looked dead.”

            “You shouldn’t be looking.”

            “Everybody else is.”

            “They should know better.” She looked as if she wanted to tell them all off.

            “Is he dead though?” Somebody covered the body “He is, isn’t he?”

            “Look at me Sam.” I could feel her hand against my face.

            She looked as if she wanted to cry.

            “You shouldn’t be looking at that.”

            “Did you know him?”

            “No Sam, I didn’t.” Her face broke into a slight smile, a small laugh.

            “Somebody must?” I wasn’t sure why she laughed.

            “I suppose you’re right.” She glanced away.

            “Do you think they’ll miss him?”

            “You’re always so serious.” She ruffled my hair, her smile looked false.

            “You’d miss me wouldn’t you?”

            “Sam. Don’t say such things.” She looked shocked “You’re not going anywhere.”

            “I know, but if I did?”

            She looked around, thinking what to say, her head turned from side to side, her soft black hair falling over her face.

            “How’d you fancy that plane?” Her eyes sparkled.

            My jaw dropped.

            “I’ve seen you looking.” She hugged me tight.

            I knew this would be the day.

Reviews

[Shadkim]

Huh, that mother sure is something. She gives her son the plane only when faced with a conversation she'd rather avoid. I can't say my parents have ever used this tactic though I have a feeling that I would if I became a mother XD. I liked some of the descriptions like the sea of weird trees - very cool! Poor guy... it's a shame, but the truth, that no one was interested in him until he died... but only as a distraction really, like road kill. You captured the truth of the situation and balanced it pefectly with the child. Very nice! ^^

[Amy Beth Storey]

Your story is excelent! Leaving the reader curious, unsure, and thirsting for more. Very well written, and the hidden plot does wonders!

[Ashentara]

wow interesting, suspenseful, catchy... great read, thanks for sharing!!

[Clarisse Nanoit]

Such a wonderful little glimpse. Every time I read one of your short stories like this, I am reminded why I love your stories so much. This is so real, so believeable. Another great Canlin. I'll alert the media.
KH

[J. Hampton]

Alistar

Good concept ...and brave perspective...although you were once a young chap yourself.
like a lot of special touches in this...such as he equating her stern look to when " she caught him stuffing towels down the toilet" ....children think like that , relating looks , tones etc to a time they caught it for something or another....lol

The perspective .... a view...." a sea of legs" ....very very good ...except ...that makes him seem quite young...and quite tiny , as does the yearing for a lil' yellow plane....yet shimmeying up a lamp pole seems indicative of an much older childs strength ..... I looked at one before I decided to bring it up....any real way to leg up is really usually quite high up thje pole.His dialog is in keeping with a young tot .... don't know if that is an issue for any others ?

The mom buckling to more....guilt of being too harsh with the lad rather than his insistant whining ,
is real...I see so many "guilt-bucklers'
Good write ...
keep'em comin'
How's the screen-play thing going ?

Blesssssssssssssssss
Jen

[Natalie C]

Pester power, huh? Yeah, it works every time, ask me�

As a mother, I sometimes find it hard to say no to my little 3 year old with the angel face. Specially when he gets that cute little smile on his face whilst shaking his head up and down in a attempt to convince me that he really needs that little car, just simply because he was a good boy and that he doesn't have on like that yet.

Great story Alistar, put a smile on my face this morning!

[Dan Bullock]

I'm confused to how old the kid is, he seems really young but then has a knowledge of death and what not so this indicates he's older. I think again descriptively you could be stronger, I'm crap at dialogue so I figure you can make a character grow more from indepth description, not over the top, just more, to make you 'be there' rather than just passing by and forgetting. Also, this kid seems like a little s**t to be honest and has a very weak mother!!

[Dead Angel]

it was...ok. it didn't really capture me. it has a great story line but i think you should add more detail to it. well good story anyways. :)

[Amanda Crandall]

Well, thats one way to get a plane. Well written as always alistair.

[Fran Marie]

A very touching story~ I think Mum just wanted to protect her son from harsh reality and cherish him~as no one ever knows when death will come and after seeing the man die~she thinks how precios time really is~Nicely DonE!~

Fran Marie