INT: SUBURBAN LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
One three seater sofa and a matching armchair face a big screen television. Gemma (mid 20's) sits on one side of the sofa. She stares at the television, then glances at her watch, the television, then the watch again. She seems agitated. She stands and prowls the room, she sits down on the sofa and fidgets, unable to sit at peace. She sits forward, perching on the edge of the sofa she looks at her watch again.
GEMMA
Where the hell is he?
The door now holds her fascination.
GEMMA
I'll kill him.
The lights of a car flash across the room. Gemma tenses as she waits for the door. Steve (mid 20's) enters, he hangs his coat up on a hook next to the door. His face is all smiles.
STEVE
Alright love. You didn't have to wait up.
Gemma barely contains her emotions. Steve is oblivious.
STEVE
These things don't half go on, and they all talk utter shite. You know Gordon, aye of course you do. You met him at that night at the.... Oh god you know, the one where that Billy no mates bloke from head office made a complete tit of himself.
Gemma gives up listening, her will to live slowly slipping away, but still Steve keeps going.
STEVE
Anyway, Gordon kept going on about this new convertible he's ordered. Rubbing our faces in it, the flash git. And I said...
GEMMA
(Interrupting)
Were we always this boring?
STEVE
Eh?
GEMMA
Did it just sneak up on us one day without us even noticing? Woke up one day and there it was, the boring couple from number forty two.
STEVE
What're you on about?
GEMMA
You used to be exciting. You used to have a motorbike for godsake.
STEVE
I can't carry all my stuff from work on a motorbike. I've got clients to see, I mean, what would they say if I turned up on that.... It'd crumple my suit, I'd look a right state.
GEMMA
See what I mean.
STEVE
What? I'm only being practical.
GEMMA
That's my point, you never even used to know the meaning of the word practical.
Steve huffs and looks at her as if she is mad.
GEMMA
You were considered quite a catch, all my mates used to fancy you. Dressed in all your leathers, it used to send a shiver down my spine just thinking of you.
STEVE
I'm still the same guy.
GEMMA
Yeah right.
STEVE
I am. I mean, only the other night I did that thing you like.
GEMMA
I was asleep.
STEVE
No you weren't, you moaned I heard you moan.
GEMMA
That was a yawn.
They both sit in silence, Steve looks hurt.
GEMMA
It's just not the same.
The silence is deafening.
STEVE
What's brought all this on anyway?
GEMMA
Nothing.
STEVE
There must be something? You don't just come out with random statements like that.
GEMMA
It's not random.
STEVE
Sounds like it to me.
GEMMA
I don't want a slagging match.
STEVE
Well you shouldn't say things like that.
GEMMA
(Snapping)
Steve!
STEVE
Well I'm not boring. I'm not.
GEMMA
So what? It's me then?
STEVE
Well you're the one that never comes to the works parties anymore.
GEMMA
That's 'cos they're boring.
STEVE
Sometimes there's no pleasing you.
GEMMA
You could at least try.
STEVE
What're you talking about? I bought you flowers last week.
GEMMA
Aye cheap ones from the garage. I still haven't worked out what you felt guilty for?
STEVE
Can I not get you flowers without there being an ulterior motive?
GEMMA
No.
STEVE
There's no talking to you when you're like this. I'm off to bed.
Steve exits to a small flight of stairs. Gemma sits fuming. She looks to the stairs and then over to Steve's jacket. She takes a last glance to the stairs and then, unable to contain herself, she marches over to Steve's jacket. As she reaches it she looks quizzically and holds the coat to her nose and sniffs.
GEMMA
Oh my god.
She sniffs the jacket again.
GEMMA
The dirty b*****d! That's not my perfume.
She rummages through the jacket's pockets, revealing a small flier.
GEMMA
(Reading)
"In The City" nightclub live entertainment featuring a special performance by Roxy Silver.
She quickly stuffs the flier back into the jacket. She glares at the stairs.
GEMMA
I bet you it's her, this Roxy Silver. A stripper or something, just a cheap little slapper with even cheaper perfume.
She makes for the stairs, but then stops herself.
GEMMA
Bloody b*****d. Bloody f*****g b*****d.
She heads back to the jacket and removes the flier again, re-reading it and turning it over and over in her hand.
GEMMA
I've never heard of the place, must be close to his work. Oh god, must be this stripper he's having a.... a.... thing with. I bet he was with her tonight, and that's why he's late.
She sniffs the jacket again.
GEMMA
Euch! It's a bloody tarty perfume.
She sniffs again.
GEMMA
Just the sort of thing you'd expect a stripper to have. She'll have seen him as a meal ticket, nice guy, too polite to say no, and he's fallen for it. She's probably got him eating out of her hand.
Gemma looks at the flier and sniffs it. It smells the same as the jacket.
GEMMA
She was probably all over him like a cheap suit, and he thought she was easy, no strings attached.
She frantically searches the rest of the coat for further evidence.
GEMMA
There'll be a receipt in here for a cheap hotel, he never gets rid of receipts. Bloody expenses. It's got to be in here somewhere. He'll have got her drinks, room service and god knows what else. Naa. He wouldn't have. It'll be a joke, or just one of these handouts in the street. God, this is doing my head in. He's even got me talking to myself now.
Without thinking Gemma crumples the flier and stuffs it in her own pocket. She slumps back onto the sofa and idly turns on the television. Voices blare out, but she pays no attention, turning the volume down to a murmur. Despite her head buzzing she starts dropping off. A man and a woman's face appear on the television. They stare out at Gemma.
WOMAN
Poor girl's tired herself out.
Gemma stirs slightly, her head bobbing as she fights back sleep.
MAN#1
Probably stress, it's always stress these days.
Gemma stares at the two faces on the television, but dismisses what she sees.
WOMAN
She looks peaceful when she's sleeping. Reminds me of when she was little.
GEMMA
Mum?
Gemma rubs her eyes.
MUM
Hello dear.
GEMMA
But you're....?
MUM
Dead dear, yes dear.
Gemma tries to change the channel.
MUM
We're on the other side.
After constant attempts to change the channel the two faces continue to stare out at her.
GEMMA
Who's he?
Gemma looks puzzled, she can't believe what she is doing.
MUM
This is Bob. Bob this is Gemma, my daughter.
BOB
Pleased to meet you.
GEMMA
Eh yeah?
MUM
I know this must be awkward, what with your father and all.
GEMMA
What about him?
MUM
He doesn't know.
GEMMA
Sorry?
MUM
About Bob and me.
GEMMA
I must be dreaming. You're having an affair?
MUM
I know it must be a lot to take in, but it's not strictly speaking an affair, seeing as how we're both dead.
GEMMA
I must be going mad.
MUM
You should try it here.
GEMMA
Have you.... eh.... spoken to Dad?
MUM
Heavens no. We had little enough to talk about while I was alive, why would I want to talk to him now?
GEMMA
I just thought....
MUM
People move on dear.
GEMMA
Like you and Bob.
MUM
There's hope for us all.
GEMMA
But you're both dead.
MUM
You're one to be throwing stones. Your relationship isn't exactly perfect.
GEMMA
We're just going through a rough patch.
MUM
I know all about it.
GEMMA
So you know what he's up to? You could use your powers to tell me what she's like, where he's going, how long they've been together?
MUM
Powers? I'm dead love, not wonder woman.
GEMMA
So how do you know all about it then?
MUM
I'm watching over you, not him.
GEMMA
Over me?
MUM
Well what else have I got to do.
GEMMA
What about him? Bob.
MUM
Oh he doesn't mind. Do you Bob?
BOB
You can do whatever you want, so long as it makes you happy.
MUM
Aaw. He doesn't say much, but he's a great listener. Shame your Steve isn't more like him.
GEMMA
What, dead?
MUM
Now now dear, there's no need for insults.
GEMMA
I'm sorry, it's just....
MUM
We have feelings too you know.
Gemma scratches her head and looks around her. She wonders if she looks as mad as she feels.
GEMMA
What's it like being....?
MUM
You can say dead dear, it's alright, it's not a dirty word. Actually it's quite nice. Cosy. Yes cosy's a good word isn't it Bob?
BOB
Very cosy.
GEMMA
So are you in heaven?
Mum glances at Bob.
MUM
Not allowed to say dear. It's one of the things they make us sign, bit like official secrets.
GEMMA
They make you sign stuff?
MUM
The amount of paperwork is unbelievable, you have to sign for everything. It's like signing your life away.
BOB
The administrative department is very strict.
MUM
You can hardly move for bits of paper.
GEMMA
And that's supposed to be heaven?
MUM
Can't say love, said too much already, somebody might be listening.
GEMMA
Listening?
MUM
(Whispering)
They monitor every conversation with the other side.
GEMMA
They do? Why?
MUM
To make sure we're obeying the rules.
GEMMA
Good god!
MUM
Well he tries to be, but there's so much for him to do, he can't be everywhere at once.
GEMMA
Sorry?
MUM
(Quickly trying to change the subject)
Anyway, we're getting sidetracked, we're supposed to be talking about you.
GEMMA
They're listening aren't they?
Mum just nods.
GEMMA
There's so much I want to talk to you about.
MUM
Let's just stick to you and Steve.
GEMMA
I don't know if there is a me and Steve.
MUM
Gemma, you shouldn't be so defeatist.
GEMMA
But he's seeing someone else.
MUM
You always did look on the darkside.
GEMMA
I'm not trying to be funny, but I'm finding it pretty hard to find a brightside to any of this.
MUM
You should keep a closer eye on him.
GEMMA
You mean I should follow him?
There was a noise from upstairs, Steve is coming down the stairs. Gemma faces the sound of the noise, she can see Steve coming down the stairs. She looks desperately at the television but her mother and Bob have been replaced by two breakfast Tv presenters.
STEVE
Have you been down here all night?
GEMMA
(Sheepishly)
Fell asleep.
STEVE
Bit silly.
GEMMA
Don't start.
STEVE
What? I hardly said a word.
GEMMA
I'm not in the mood.
STEVE
You never are these days, what's got into you?
GEMMA
Nothing.
STEVE
You on the blob or something?
GEMMA
Aaw Steve!
STEVE
Well I don't know, we hardly say two words to one another.
GEMMA
And whose fault's that?
STEVE
Don't try and turn this round on me.
GEMMA
You're hardly ever here.
STEVE
How do you think we can afford things like your widescreen telly?
GEMMA
Gee thanks.
Gemma turns away from him. The breakfast Tv presenters are still chattering away.
STEVE
I don't want to have another argument.
GEMMA
Well don't talk then.
Steve sits next to her and tries to put his arm round her.
GEMMA
Don't touch me!
STEVE
For godsake Gemma.
GEMMA
I thought we agreed you wouldn't talk.
STEVE
Is it something I've done? Tell me and I'll put it right. Whatever it was I didn't mean it. C'mon Gems gimme a break.
GEMMA
Stop talking
STEVE
Why?
GEMMA
Just stop being nice.
STEVE
Nice?
GEMMA
I'm mad with you, and I can't be mad at you if you're all nice and understanding.
STEVE
Sorry.
GEMMA
Stop it. You don't even know what you're saying sorry for.
STEVE
Does it matter, I'm still sorry.
GEMMA
God you're infuriating.
STEVE
What, for being nice?
Gemma knows she is loosing the argument, but she doesn't want to confront him yet, not until she has more proof.
STEVE
I suppose now's as good a time as any to tell you that I'll be late home tonight. Another team meeting.
GEMMA
Fine, whatever.
Steve seems shocked that she isn't putting up a fight. Gemma is busy thinking of how she could follow him.
STEVE
It might run on, this one. I probably won't be home until after midnight.
Gemma just shrugs.
STEVE
So you don't have to wait up.
GEMMA
Fine.
Gemma stares at the television, as if Steve doesn't exist.
STEVE
I'll be off then?
GEMMA
Bye.
Gemma continues to stare at the television. Steve slowly stands and walks over to his jacket. He keeps glancing back hoping that Gemma is watching him. She continues to stare at the television.
STEVE
Bye then.
Gemma doesn't acknowledge him. Steve turns, puts on his jacket, opens the front door and leaves. Gemma waits until the door is closed and reaches for the remote, changing channels frantically, hoping she sees her Mum again.
GEMMA
C'mon Mum. Where are you?
There is no sign of her Mum on any of the channels. She flings the remote at the armchair in frustration. She holds her head in her hands and tries to fight back the tears. The doorbell sounds, but she doesn't seem to hear it. It goes again, this time she hears it and drags herself off the sofa and answers the door. Standing in the doorway is her best friend Katy, dressed in what could only be described as a bohemian style.
KATY
You'll never guess what.... Have you been crying?
GEMMA
No.
KATY
It's Steve again, isn't it?
Katy walks in, Gemma closes the door behind her.
KATY
What's he done this time?
GEMMA
It's something of nothing.
KATY
It can't be nothing if he's got you crying. I've told you a thousand times you should get rid.
GEMMA
It's not that easy.
KATY
Course it is.
GEMMA
It's not him that's made me cry, not really.
KATY
What's that supposed to mean?
GEMMA
You'll think I'm mad.
KATY
Try me.
Gemma wonders whether she should. The television is still on, faceless people talking nonsense. Gemma looks round the room, suddenly worrying about how everything looks, she starts to tidy. Katy watches her with concern.
KATY
So what's the matter then?
GEMMA
Nothing.
KATY
C'mon Gemma. You're tidying. You only tidy when you're upset.
Gemma stops and looks down at her hand. Her face fills with a mixture of fear and disgust. Katy comes and puts her arms around her.
KATY
You can tell me anything.
GEMMA
I think he's having an affair with a stripper, Roxy, Poxy or something. Here look at this.
(She shows Katy the flier)
He came back the other night and I could smell it on his coat, it was this horrible tarty perfume. It's not one of mine. And I was talking to Mum through the television and she was telling me I should follow him, but I don't know if I could. What if she's younger and prettier than me? I don't even know if I could leave him, I mean, I could, but should I? Would he even notice if I went? I mean, sure he'd miss the arguments. I bet he doesn't argue with her.
The words come out at a million miles an hour, all her thoughts rushing out as one. Katy looks a bit shell shocked.
KATY
Did you say you were talking to your Mum? Through the television?
GEMMA
Uh Hu.
Katy's grip slowly loosens. She takes a step back and stares. Gemma just shrugs.
KATY
So your Mum, who's been dead for four months, talks to you through the television?
GEMMA
I knew you'd think I was mad.
KATY
You're not mad. You just imagined it, in a dream or something. It's probably stress, it's always stress these days.
GEMMA
That's what they said.
KATY
They?
GEMMA
Mum's got this fancy man, Bob. He's dead as well.
KATY
A fancy man?
GEMMA
Yeah, he seemed quite nice.
KATY
So even the decent dead fellas are taken.
They both stop and look at each other, then they burst out laughing.
GEMMA
I knew you'd think I was mad.
KATY
We all go a little bonkers, you've just gone more than most.
GEMMA
But do you think she was right? Do you think I should follow him?
KATY
Why don't you just ask him?
GEMMA
I can't.
KATY
Why not? All you have to do is go right up to him and ask him straight out.
GEMMA
He'd just deny it. Say it was all in my head.
KATY
What if it is?
GEMMA
It's not. His jacket stank, what other explanation could there be?
KATY
Maybe he'd been shopping? You know what these big department stores are like, they'd spray anything that moved.
Gemma seems to think for a moment.
GEMMA
It's Steve we're talking about. His Mum still buys his pants.
KATY
Do you honestly think another woman would look at Steve? Especially a stripper?
GEMMA
What're you trying to say?
KATY
C'mon, it's Steve we're talking about. I don't think he's even capable of entering a strip club.
GEMMA
I'm going to follow him.
KATY
If you say so.
GEMMA
No, I am. I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. I'm gonna follow him, and if I find out he's cheating. Then so help me.
INT: "IN THE CITY" NIGHTCLUB, NIGHT
Everything is dully lit, with red bulbs. A bar covers one wall, a few scattered tables and chairs face a small stage with golden drapes. Katy and Gemma enter, wearing dark sunglasses and headscrafs. A waitress is cleaning the tables.
GEMMA
Where's this stripper?
KATY
Maybe we're too early?
GEMMA
What? Do strippers have a timetable?
KATY
How would I know?
GEMMA
I'm going to strangle her, as for him, I'll cut of his....
KATY
Will you just calm down. Now grab a seat and try not to look too obvious.
GEMMA
I'm not the one that....
KATY
Just grab a seat.
Gemma heads for the nearest seat. Katy stops and peers over her sunglasses at her surroundings, then comes over and joins Gemma.
KATY
This place is a bit of a dive.
GEMMA
What did you expect from a strip club? God knows what Steve and his mates up to in here.
KATY
You were the one that wanted to find out.
GEMMA
I know but....
Gemma suddenly clams up as a waitress appears at their table.
WAITRESS
What can I get you?
Gemma looks as if she is caught in the headlights.
KATY
Two G and T's
WAITRESS
Very ladylike.
The waitress smiles and heads to the bar.
KATY
Ladylike? What did she mean by that?
GEMMA
Where is he?
KATY
Probably in the bogs.
GEMMA
I feel dirty. This is just a place for the dirty mac brigade. How could it impress anyone?
A short fat man dressed in an ill fitting raincoat slips past them, heading for the toilets, looking very shifty.
GEMMA
See what I mean.
KATY
He's not trying to impress her, maybe he's....
GEMMA
Don't.
KATY
I was just saying.
GEMMA
Well don't.
The waitress comes back with their drinks.
WAITRESS
These are on the house, you're the best ones I've seen yet.
The waitress leaves their drinks, smiling broadly as she returns behind the bar. Gemma watched her open-mouthed.
KATY
Did she just chat us up? She did, didn't she? That was a come on. Oh my god. We've pulled.
Katy almost collapses in a fit of giggles. Gemma continues to stare. Another man, this time carrying a large suit carrier over his arm, heads to the toilets.
GEMMA
Where is he?
KATY
I've never really considered lesbianism.
GEMMA
Pardon?
KATY
As a life choice, y'know. It's never even crossed my mind.
GEMMA
What are you on about?
KATY
Lesbianism.
GEMMA
Lesbianism?
KATY
Yeah, as a lifestyle. With other women and that.
GEMMA
I know what it is, I just don't know....
KATY
Oh my god!
Katy stares wide eyed, Gemma is almost too scared to look round. Coming out of the toilets is the short fat man, wearing a short black dress, that shows off his every curve. His huge belly, his lopsided fake breasts. He is making a valiant attempt at reaching the bar without falling over. He adjusts his wig before he hauls himself onto one of the bar stools. The waitress smiles and nods with him, as they strike up a conversation.
GEMMA
What, is it her?
Gemma is unable to turn round, she doesn't want to see her competition.
KATY
I hope to god not.
Katy is near hysterics. Gemma can resist no longer and looks. The first thing she sees is his back. His wide strong back, then his thick podgy legs, the uncomfortable looking red high heel shoes squeezed onto his feet.
GEMMA
That can't be her.
Katy looks like she is going to explode.
GEMMA
Tell me that's not her?
Katy lets a burst of laughter escape. The waitress glances in their direction, but the man doesn't move.
GEMMA
It's not her is it?
KATY
It's a man.
Gemma looks from Katy to the man and back again.
GEMMA
What sort of a place is this?
KATY
The sort that Steve reckons would make an impression.
GEMMA
God, it doesn't even bear thinking about.
KATY
He's a dark horse, I didn't think he'd be into anything like this.
GEMMA
He's not!
Gemma is as shocked as Katy is at her reaction. She looks sheepishly down at her feet.
KATY
He's probably just a drag act or something.
GEMMA
What, Steve?
KATY
No, that man woman thing.
Gemma sips on her drink and hides behind her sunglasses.
KATY
Why would a man want to dress as a woman anyway? I mean, I don't want to dress as a man.
GEMMA
You wear trousers?
KATY
It's hardly the same thing.
The waitress comes over with two more drinks.
GEMMA
We didn't order these.
WAITRESS
They're from the lady at the bar.
They look over. The fat man gives them a toothy grin and waves his glass at them.
KATY
(Through gritted teeth)
Just smile.
Gemma tries to, but it just looks as if she has terrible wind.
WAITRESS
Bless them, they try their best.
GEMMA
They?
WAITRESS
No offence, but none of them are as good as you two.
KATY
Wait a minute, you don't think....?
GEMMA
We're women.
Gemma whips off her sunglasses, the waitress blushes, another group of men come out of the toilets, all dressed as women of various different shapes and sizes. The club is filled with nervous chatter. Gemma quickly puts her sunglasses back on.
WAITRESS
Sorry. I....it's this place, the lights and that.
Katy puts her finger to her lips.
WAITRESS
I'd better....
She heads back to the bar.
KATY
I told you she thought we were blokes.
GEMMA
Do I look like....don't answer that. Anyway, you're the one that thought she fancied you.
KATY
Don't look now, but one of them's coming over.
Gemma pushes her sunglasses as far back as they can go, and starts to slouch under the table. A man in a long pink dress makes his way over, he at least looks as if he can walk in the heels.
MAN#2
You're new here aren't you?
Gemma hopes she is invisible behind her sunglasses, Katy just smiles.
MAN#2
They're a good bunch, very friendly. I could introduce you?
GEMMA
No you're alright.
MAN#2
My, you've even got the voice as well. You do take it seriously.
GEMMA
(Slightly deeper)
Practice.
MAN#2
You don't often see that sort of dedication nowadays, I'm impressed.
Gemma tries not to look at anybody, especially Katy.
MAN#2
So what do you call yourselves? By that I mean your lady names, or should I say character names? I'm Felicity.
KATY
I'm Katy, and this is Gemma.
Gemma shoots Katy a glare.
FELICITY
Oh you're good as well. I love that gravely texture to your voice.
Gemma tries to hide a snigger as Katy looks insulted.
FELICITY
I'm very jealous, 'cos mine just sounds the same no matter what I try. I can't do accents you see.
GEMMA
Do many people come to these....things?
FELICITY
Oh loads. There's more and more each time. Lawyers, accountants, doctors even binmen. You'd be amazed.
GEMMA
Does Steve come here often?
FELICITY
Oh we don't use our real names. I couldn't tell you if there was a Tom, Dick or Harry.
Gemma looks slightly crestfallen.
FELICITY
Is he a friend of yours then, this Steve?
KATY
You could say that.
Katy reaches out and gently touches Gemma's hand.
FELICITY
Look I've got to mingle. I'll get some of the others to come over.
Felicity moves away and approaches another group. The consummate host.
GEMMA
Why'd you go and give him our real names?
KATY
I wasn't thinking.
GEMMA
Too right you weren't
KATY
You were the one that asked about bloody Steve.
GEMMA
We are here to find him. What was I supposed to do?
KATY
You could've been a bit more subtle.
GEMMA
In a room full of transvestites?
KATY
(Laughing)
Point taken.
GEMMA
I can't see a stripper working here.
KATY
Maybe it's a male stripper?
GEMMA
Don't even go there
KATY
I've got strange images flooding into my head.
Gemma's eyes narrow. Katy holds up her hands defensively. Felicity approaches with two other men, one dressed in a black dress, his makeup applied thickly and crudely. The other in a sparkly number with a shock of orange hair.
FELICITY
Ladies, may I introduce Gloria and Tina.
Gloria reaches across in an attempt at elegance, her black dress riding up slightly, revealing the top of her stockings. Tina nods, her orange wig moving slightly, and adjusts her own dress.
GLORIA
I love the sunglasses, very Audrey Hepburn.
GEMMA
Thank you.
Gemma self consciously pushes her sunglasses back into place.
GLORIA
She's my hero. So elegant, so sophisticated. I'd go as far to say the perfect woman.
KATY
Really?
GLORIA
You've seen My Fair Lady, tell me you've seen that film. It's a masterpiece.
Katy looks at Gemma, both of them try not to laugh.
GLORIA
It's such an all round performance. She sings, she dances and acts. It's just sublime.
KATY
You do know it's not her singing?
GLORIA
Pardon?
Gloria looks as if she has been massively insulted. Tina and Felicity seem to be comparing notes on outfits, eyeing the others critically.
KATY
They used another actresses voice for the songs.
Gloria's jaw drops.
KATY
Apparently she wasn't up to it.
There is an audible gasp. Gloria reaches for a chair, for support, making a huge drama of it.
TINA
(Accusingly)
What did you do?
KATY
Nothing.
Gloria appears to need medical assistance. A scene is being created.
GLORIA
(Gasping)
Audrey.
FELICITY
Oh god. You mentioned the singing.
KATY
I thought everybody knew.
FELICITY
Gloria is just a bit more passionate than most.
KATY
I didn't know.
Several people crowd round Gloria. Several withering glances are thrown in Gemma and Katy's direction.
KATY
I didn't know.
GEMMA
You know that low profile thing you were talking about?
KATY
It's not my fault.
GEMMA
I think we should leave.
KATY
What about Steve?
The lights start to dim even further.
FELICITY
S**t I'm on.
Felicity heads to the small stage, fixing herself on the way. Gloria quickly becomes forgotten about, as all eyes turn to the stage. Gemma and Katy stop mid-stride. Felicity climbs onto the stage and adjusts the microphone before she starts.
FELICITY
Ladies and....well I would normally say gentlemen, but I don't think we have any in.
She lets the laughter subside.
FELICITY
It is my great pleasure to introduce to you our new shooting star, the fabulous Miss Roxy Silver.
A murmur of excitement goes round the crowd. Gemma and Katy look at each other. Gemma peers over her sunglasses as the lights dim even further. The murmur gets louder and louder, as out of the darkness comes a tall drag queen, decked head to toe in silver. Her dress sparkling in the single spotlight that now surrounds her. Behind her comes an entourage of two more drag queens, dressed in much more demure identical black outfits. Many of the crowd reach out, but are unable to touch her as Roxy Silver glides onto the stage. The beginnings of a Kylie Minogue song start up. The entourage take their place behind Roxy and start their dance routine. The crowd clap and cheer like giddy schoolgirls.
KATY
That's not a stripper!
GEMMA
Come on, let's go. We'll never find him now.
KATY
What?
GEMMA
Let's get out of here.
KATY
Don't you want to watch Steve's new girl.
GEMMA
She's not his girlfriend.
Gemma gestures towards the exit and starts walking. Katy follows. Nobody else notices them leaving, all eyes fixed on the stage.
INT: SUBURBAN LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
</P>
The door opens and Gemma and Katy enter. Gemma takes off her jacket and hangs it on a peg on the wall. Katy fiddles with her sunglasses and slumps onto the sofa.
KATY
Well that was a waste of time.
GEMMA
He's still not home, his jacket's not here.
KATY
So did we learn anything from tonight?
Gemma shrugs.
KATY
Apart from the fact that men are weird.
Gemma laughs despite herself, just managing to stifle it.
KATY
They were scary though, weren't they? What was that one, what was he called? Felicity. Aye, what was he like?
GEMMA
In a strange kinda way I liked him. I wonder what he does in the real world?
KATY
Probably an accountant, or bank manager.
GEMMA
What would you do if you met him again?
KATY
I couldn't look him in the eye that's for sure.
GEMMA
There was only one other that was any good, that singer.
KATY
Roxy Silver. So much for her being a stripper.
GEMMA
Well what was I supposed to think?
KATY
Maybe it's just as well we didn't see Steve.
Gemma laughs out loud.
KATY
What?
GEMMA
I can just imagine what he'd make of a place like that.
Katy finds herself laughing along with Gemma, as she does so she glances at her watch.
KATY
Christ! Have you seen the time. I blame you for leading me astray. I'd better get going. Work tomorrow. You be alright?
GEMMA
I'll be fine.
KATY
You sure.
GEMMA
I'll call you if I have any bad dreams and you can read me a bedtime story.
KATY
So you'll be alright?
GEMMA
Just go will you.
Katy stands and hugs Gemma, then she opens the door and leaves. Gemma wanders round the room, unsure what to do next. She slumps down on the sofa and flicks through the channels. Her Mum's face suddenly appears on the screen.
MUM
Well then?
GEMMA
Mum?
MUM
Who'd you expect, god?
GEMMA
I was just....
MUM
I haven't got long. How'd you get on?
GEMMA
Haven't got long?
MUM
I borrowed the slot from Gretchen, nice lady, from Austria. Cost me a fortune in favours.
GEMMA
(Confused)
Right?
MUM
So come on then, don't keep me in suspense, how'd it go?
GEMMA
Eh?
MUM
With Steve?
GEMMA
Oh that.
MUM
God girl, sometimes I worry about you.
GEMMA
He was a no show.
MUM
You didn't even get a look at the other woman?
Gemma stifles a laugh.
MUM
What? Was it something I said?
GEMMA
She was a women of a sort.
MUM
What does that mean?
GEMMA
(Leaning closer to the television)
It was a man, dressed as a woman.
MUM
Steve's into transvestites? Wait until I tell people.
GEMMA
No. He wasn't there.
MUM
But if that's the sort of people he hangs around with.
GEMMA
We don't know he hangs around with them, he could've just got the flier from someone in the street.
MUM
So you're not worried about him?
There is a pause.
GEMMA
I didn't say that.
Mum looks quizzically at her. Gemma stares intently at the television.
GEMMA
Do you know something I don't? Have you been spying on him, using your special....
MUM
I don't have special powers. I'm just dead.
GEMMA
So you can't....
MUM
I told you last time, I can only talk to you.
GEMMA
I forgot.
There is an awkward silence between them.
MUM
So what're you going to do now?
GEMMA
Dunno.
MUM
You could just ask him?
GEMMA
No I can't do that.
MUM
You can talk to your dead mother, but you can't talk to your boyfriend? You'll end up like your father and I.
GEMMA
That wouldn't be so bad.
MUM
You don't know the half of it.
GEMMA
You and Dad were good together.
MUM
It was all an act.
GEMMA
(Shocked)
Mum!
MUM
Well it's the truth. I don't think we had a civil word to say to each other for the last two years of my life.
GEMMA
Mum, I don't want to know.
MUM
Well you should. I'm just looking out for you. I don't want you making the same mistakes I did.
GEMMA
God you sound like a bad soap opera.
MUM
Don't say I didn't warn you.
GEMMA
It's not about you Mum. You've had your shot.
MUM
I just want you to be sure about Steve.
GEMMA
You know something don't you?
MUM
I swear I don't.
Just then there is the noise of a key in the lock and Steve enters.
STEVE
You didn't have to wait up for me.
Gemma shrugs, quickly glancing at the television, which now shows an old movie.
STEVE
Who were you talking to?
GEMMA
Just the telly. You know what I'm like.
Steve hangs his jacket next to Gemma's
GEMMA
How'd the meeting go?
STEVE
Boring.
Steve pretends to yawn.
GEMMA
So who was there?
STEVE
The usual guys, oh and a couple of new folk. You don't know them.
GEMMA
Right.
STEVE
How was your day?
GEMMA
Nothing special. Went out with Katy.
STEVE
Oh aye, how did that go?
GEMMA
We ended up in this weird place. You would've laughed. All the guys were dressed as women.
Steve's face visibly tightens as he tries to avoid eye contact. Gemma doesn't seem to notice as she carries on talking.
GEMMA
We ended up talking to some of them. Interesting people. I shouldn't really tell you this.
Steve swallows.
GEMMA
I think some of them thought we were men. I mean, how embarrassing is that?
STEVE
Sounds like you had a much better night than me.
GEMMA
Aye being mistaken for a man is always the mark of a good night out.
STEVE
Imagine it was the other way round, and they'd mistaken me for a woman?
GEMMA
(Laughing nervously)
As if.
STEVE
We should go out together sometime, we haven't done it in ages.
GEMMA
Not to the golf club though.
STEVE
What's wrong with the golf club?
GEMMA
What's right with it? It's so.... boring.
STEVE
I like it.
GEMMA
Nuff said.
STEVE
Not this again. I'm off to bed.
Steve stomps off up the stairs. Gemma feels at a loose end, she fidgets until eventually she hauled herself off the sofa. Without thinking she finds herself staring at Steve's jacket. She pulls it towards her and can smell the tarty perfume. She shakes with rage as she fights to control her emotions.
INT: BEDROOM, NIGHT
A double bed dominates the room, a large wardrobe is against one wall and two small tables sit either side of the bed. Several pictures hang on the wall, some holiday souvenirs sit on a shelf with some tatty novels. Steve looks out the window, leaning on the back of a chair, before switching on the light and undressing. He draws the curtains and climbs into the bed. He can hear Gemma stomping up the stairs. To avoid round two he closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep. Gemma enters the room. She seems at a loss when she sees Steve asleep. Rather than wake him she turns to his pile of clothes, dumped on the floor. As she starts to fold the clothes she notices a mark on the shirt. She moves toward the light. Staring her in the face is a lipstick stain on his collar. The shirt was nearly torn in half. She swallows deeply, controlling her anger. The shirt, is neatly folded, placed on the chair. Gemma undresses and climbs into bed next to Steve. She lies there staring up at the ceiling, her brain working overtime.
INT: SERIES OF SHOTS, BEDROOM, HALLWAY, KITCHEN DAY
The sun brakes through a crack in the curtains, warming Gemma's face. She slowly wakes, looking over at Steve she is surprised to see his side of the bed empty. Her search of the house reveals no sign of him. When she returns to the bedroom she notices, for the first time, the wardrobe hanging open. She looks inside, all Steve's clothes are gone. Her search of the house becomes more frantic. All trace of Steve seems to have been removed.
INT: SUBURBAN LIVING ROOM, DAY
She eventually slumps down on the sofa in the living room. She rummages through her handbag, which has been lying on the sofa, looking for her phone. The entire contents of the handbag is tipped out, but the phone is nowhere.
GEMMA
S**t.
She reaches over to the land line and dials her mobile, listening out for the ring. To her surprise it is answered.
GEMMA
Eh, who's this?
CAROL
Eh Carol.
GEMMA
Well Carol, what're you doing with my phone?
CAROL
All I did was answer it. It was ringing so I answered it.
GEMMA
Oh right.
CAROL
It was just sitting behind the bar. I thought it was the boss's.
GEMMA
What bar?
CAROL
The bar here?
GEMMA
I mean what's the bar called?
CAROL
In the city. We're just off....
GEMMA
I know where it is.
Gemma's heart sinks. She'd hoped she'd never have to go back to that place again.
GEMMA
Can you keep it for me? I'll come and collect it.
CAROL
No worries.
GEMMA
Oh, and if someone called Steve phones could you take a message?
CAROL
I shouldn't really.
GEMMA
Please? You'd be a lifesaver.
CAROL
I'll see what I can do.
GEMMA
You're a star.
Gemma hangs up and slumps back on the sofa.
GEMMA
What now?
She reaches back across to the phone. Her fingers hovering over the dial. Steve never likes her phoning him at work. Her need for answers is greater, she takes the plunge and dials.
RECEPTIONIST
Foster and Foster Partnership.
The receptionist's voice is unbelievably cheery. It makes Gemma want to be sick.
GEMMA
Eh, could I speak to Steve please?
RECEPTIONIST
Steve who?
GEMMA
Steve Parker.
RECEPTIONIST
I'll see if Mr. Parker's available.
Gemma listens to the horrendous hold music. It seems to go on for hours.
RECEPTIONIST
Hello reception, how can I help you?
GEMMA
I'm holding for Steve Parker.
RECEPTIONIST
One second.
GEMMA
No don't put me....
The hold music starts again.
GEMMA
....on hold.
Her brain feels like it is turning to liquid, and still the music goes on.
RECEPTIONIST
Hello reception, how can I help you?
GEMMA
Don't put me on hold. Can you just check if Steve, Mr. Parker is at his desk?
RECEPTIONIST
I'm sorry I'm not allowed to leave my post.
The sing song la la voice of the receptionist is almost as bad as the hold music.
GEMMA
Look, I've been to the office before. His desk isn't that far from yours. Could you please just check?
RECEPTIONIST
I'm sorry I'm....
GEMMA
It won't take a sec.
RECEPTIONIST
I'm sorry....
GEMMA
It's an emergency.
She hears the phone being put down on the desk, and after a moment the muffled sound of voices.
RECEPTIONIST
I'm afraid Mr. Parker is not at his desk.
GEMMA
He told you to say that didn't he?
RECEPTIONIST
I'm sorry....
GEMMA
You told him it's an emergency?
RECEPTIONIST
He's not at his desk.
GEMMA
S**t.
RECEPTIONIST
I could get one of his colleagues?
Before she can say anything there is a click and another female voice speaks.
GILLIAN
Gillian Hunter speaking, how can I help you?
For a moment Gemma wonders if she is the other woman.
GEMMA
I'm looking for Steve....Eh Steve Parker.
GILLIAN
I'm afraid Mr. Parker no longer works for us.
GEMMA
What?
GILLIAN
His employment was terminated last week.
GEMMA
You're kidding right? Put him on the phone, the joke's wearing thin.
GILLIAN
I wouldn't joke about such matters.
GEMMA
But he would've told me.
GILLIAN
I couldn't comment about Mr. Parker's.... personal life.
GEMMA
What do you mean by that?
GILLIAN
Whatever Mr. Parker gets up to in his personal life is his business, but Foster and Foster Partnership cannot tolerate such behaviour.
GEMMA
Sorry?
GILLIAN
Maybe you should take it up with him?
Gemma's brain freezes.
GILLIAN
Now if there's nothing else....?
GEMMA
(Almost in tears)
I don't know where he is.
Gillian couldn't cope with emotion.
GILLIAN
I....
GEMMA
You don't know where he is?
GILLIAN
I'm sorry I can't help.
Gemma can hear the dialing tone buzz in her ear.
GEMMA
Stuck up cow!
Anger quickly replaces the tears, as she slams the phone down.
GEMMA
I'm gonna throttle him when I see him.
She slumps lazily onto the sofa and reaches for the remote. The television springs into life, one of those daytime shows. The presenter is listening intently to a pale, spotty girl, with lank hair. His arms crossed nodding at all the right points.
GIRL
But I love him.
PRESENTER
So let me get this straight. You've been together three years, you've no kids, thank god.
(Wink to camera)
You do all his washing, his ironing, cooking, cleaning. At Christmas you buy all his presents for him, you wait up all hours of the night for him to come home. Face up to it. You're basically his mother.
The girl nods meekly.
PRESENTER
And now you think he's having an affair.
Gasps and boos from the audience.
PRESENTER
But still, despite all that, you want him back?
GIRL
But I love him.
Gemma angrily changes channels, a nature programme (animals killing animals), news report (men killing men). Until eventually her mother's face stares out at her from the television screen.
MUM
Are you alright dear?
GEMMA
No.
MUM
Are you going to tell me about it?
GEMMA
What's the point you know already, otherwise why else would you be here?
MUM
Well, yes, but I thought I'd go through all the pleasantries.
Gemma huffs like a spoilt child.
MUM
I'm not going to tell you I told you so. But....
GEMMA
Don't Mum, it's not helping.
MUM
So what're you going to do now?
GEMMA
Your the fount of all information, you tell me.
MUM
It's up to you, it's your life. I can't live it for you.
GEMMA
What's that supposed to mean?
MUM
Gemma you've always been a bright girl, you'll know what to do.
GEMMA
Have you been reading one of those self help books?
MUM
I've just started a course.
GEMMA
They do courses there?
MUM
It's a sort of night class. You've got to do something to fill your time. Eternity's a pretty long time.
GEMMA
So what's the course?
MUM
Self awareness and empathy with the living. I've only been to a few of the classes, so it's still a bit confusing. Gabriel, our tutor, says we should practice the skills we learn whenever we can.
GEMMA
Not thee Gabriel, the archangel?
MUM
No, it's his second cousin. He says he gets that all the time. Apparently there's loads of them called Gabriel, a bit of a family tradition.
GEMMA
Right.
MUM
Gabriel says the most important thing is to listen. "Listen and Understand." It's one of his catchphrases. You'd like him, really nice, handsome as well, just your type.
GEMMA
Mum are you trying to set me up with a dead person?
MUM
Sorry, force of habit.
GEMMA
So what would Gabriel suggest I should do?
MUM
Oh I don't know, I haven't got that far yet. But it'd probably be something very clever and insightful, that's another of his words. Insightful. I'm not really sure what it means, but it sounds good.
GEMMA
Can you stop for a second and listen?
MUM
Listen. Yes. One of the most important parts that. The listening.
GEMMA
Mum.
MUM
Sorry dear. What was it you wanted to say?
GEMMA
You haven't listened to a word I've said.
MUM
I have, you're just moping about Steve.
GEMMA
What do you suggest I do?
MUM
Pull yourself together, get on with your life. You can do a million times better than him. It's a miracle you stayed together as long as you did.
GEMMA
You never did like him.
MUM
It doesn't matter what I think. I'm dead remember. It's obvious what you should do anyway, you've already made up your mind.
GEMMA
I have?
MUM
Go and find him for godsake.
GEMMA
Should I? Yeah I should, but where should I start?
MUM
Find your phone first.
GEMMA
Eh?
MUM
Well, what if he's already tried to call you?
GEMMA
Yeah, you're right.
MUM
Of course I'm right. I'm your mother.
INT: "IN THE CITY" NIGHTCLUB, DAY
The club looks different in the daylight, almost respectable. Gemma looks round, all the chairs are on top of the tables, it looks deserted.
GEMMA
Hello?
VOICE
We're closed.
Gemma jumps, she can't tell where the voice is coming from.
GEMMA
Hello?
VOICE
I said we're closed.
GEMMA
I'm looking for my phone.
VOICE
Well go to the high street, they sell plenty of them there.
GEMMA
No it's my phone. I left it here the other night.
There is a lot of mumbling and grumbling, but still Gemma can't work out where the voice is coming from.
GEMMA
I phoned earlier. They said they'd keep it for me.
VOICE
For godnessake. I'll just be a sec.
There is lots of huffing and puffing, Gemma cautiously makes her way towards the bar. From a side door comes the man Gemma recognised as Felicity.
FELICITY
Your phone you say?
He tightens the belt on his trousers as he walks.
GEMMA
Yes.
FELICITY
But the other night was....Oh!
There is a flicker of recognition in his eye. Gemma can feel herself blushing.
FELICITY
You're a proper....
GEMMA
I know.
FELICITY
Oh my god. How embarrassing. I hope you don't.... I mean, I didn't mean to.... and your friend?
GEMMA
Katy.
FELICITY
I feel such a fool. I promise you I've never done that before.
GEMMA
It was dark.
FELICITY
Yes it was.
GEMMA
They'll never hear it from me.
FELICITY
Thank you.
GEMMA
So are you the boss then?
FELICITY
Boss, owner, skivvy and chief bottle washer, that's me. And this, my dear, is my kingdom.
GEMMA
Very impressive.
FELICITY
Now I know you're kidding, but at least it's better than being an accountant as I was in a previous life.
GEMMA
Katy said that's what you were.
FELICITY
My god does it still show?
GEMMA
It's just Katy, she's always having these flights of fancy.
FELICITY
I've tried so hard to leave that life behind me. Being an accountant was draining the life out of me, I felt as if I was disappearing.
GEMMA
So do I still call you Felicity?
FELICITY
Well it's really Brian, but I prefer Felicity.
GEMMA
Felicity it is then.
FELICITY
Thank you. Oh and sorry about the noises earlier. I was trying on a new outfit. We've all had to up our game since this Roxy Silver came along.
GEMMA
Competition is she?
FELICITY
Oh like you wouldn't believe, and she's just come out of nowhere. Nobody'd heard of her two months ago. Now it's Roxy this Roxy that. She's even got copycats, you'd think she was Victoria Beckham.
GEMMA
So do you know who she really is?
FELICITY
Oh we don't use our real names, but he's quite a handsome boy really. If I was ten years younger.
Gemma giggles.
FELICITY
He's coming in later, if you stick around you could meet him.
GEMMA
Oh I don't know, I've got to....
FELICITY
Oh go on. You could keep me company, maybe help me with this new outfit?
Gemma realises she can do with the distraction, she smiles and nods.
FELICITY
You're a star.
GEMMA
I might be more of a hinderance than a help.
FELICITY
Trust me, you can't be any worse than some we've had in here.
They both laugh.
FELICITY
So tell me about yourself?
GEMMA
You don't want to hear about me, it'd just depress you.
FELICITY
You're going to have to, you've got me interested now.
GEMMA
My boyfriend's just left me, I woke up this morning and he's taken all his stuff with him. Not a trace left. I don't even know what I did.
FELICITY
You won't have done anything. It'll be his fault, it's always the man's fault. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.
GEMMA
I wish it was that simple.
FELICITY
Trust me, it's always that simple.
GEMMA
I thought he was having an affair with a stripper.
FELICITY
A stripper? God how cheap. Trust a man.
GEMMA
But he's always working late, then there's the vague excuses. I swallowed every one. Then he would come home, his clothes stinking of this tarty perfume. It wasn't one of mine, I don't have anything so.... so.... obvious. That's when I decided to follow him.
FELICITY
To catch him at it?
GEMMA
Exactly. And that's what led me here, to this place.
FELICITY
Here?
GEMMA
Yeah, I found one of your fliers in his pocket, so I followed him and it led me here, that must've been when I lost my phone.
FELICITY
So have you any idea who the other woman is?
GEMMA
Promise not to laugh, but at one stage I thought it was Roxy Silver.
FELICITY
I think you're pretty wide of the mark there.
GEMMA
I know that now, but my heads just buzzing. Every woman I pass I wonder if it's her.
FELICITY
You shouldn't think like that.
GEMMA
I can't help it.
FELICITY
I think I would've noticed if a good looking young man had been in. You've seen what the crowd's like. He would've stood out.
GEMMA
Yeah you're right. In a room full of....
FELICITY
Cross dressers, trannies, female impersonators. Call us what you will. And I've been called much worse, believe you me. Some of them would've made my own mother blush.
GEMMA
He would've been pretty easy to spot.
FELICITY
Even though I thought you were a....?
GEMMA
The less said about that the better.
FELICITY
It was dark, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. Anyway, if you didn't see him in here, maybe he wasn't cheating on you?
GEMMA
But he's taken all his stuff with him, if he didn't know I was onto him then why'd he do that?
FELICITY
Maybe he's gone away on business?
GEMMA
He never goes away anywhere. It's been three years since we even had a holiday. He's taken the easy way out, rather than tell me. He's just run off. Probably with her.
FELICITY
She's probably got a face like the side of a bus.
GEMMA
And that's supposed to make me feel better?
FELICITY
Would you rather I told you she was a supermodel?
GEMMA
She'll have split ends and cold sores.
FELICITY
Bags under her eyes and yellow teeth.
GEMMA
Warts and varicose veins.
FELICITY
A council flat and four kids.
They both nearly collapse laughing. Carol, the waitress, enters the club.
CAROL
Someone's enjoying themselves.
FELICITY
It's not a crime.
CAROL
Well seeing you're the boss.
FELICITY
And don't you forget it.
Gemma sniggers.
FELICITY
How rude of me. Carol this is....?
GEMMA
Gemma.
FELICITY
She lost her phone.
CAROL
Ah, the phone lady.
GEMMA
Was it you I was talking to? I'm sorry if I was snappy.
CAROL
Don't worry about it. There were no messages by the way.
GEMMA
Sorry?
CAROL
That guy you were expecting? He didn't call.
GEMMA
Oh.
Gemma looks crestfallen.
CAROL
Did I say the wrong thing?
FELICITY
It seems to be a long story.
CAROL
I'll get the phone.
Carol heads to the bar.
FELICITY
Alcohol will make things better.
Gemma looks doubtful.
FELICITY
Well it'll make the pain go away for a bit.
Carol returns with a tray filled with colourful glasses.
CAROL
I wasn't sure what anybody wanted, so I brought a selection.
FELICITY
Excellent.
CAROL
Remember you're working tonight.
FELICITY
Yes mother.
CAROL
And there's your phone.
Gemma almost snatches it from her and starts flicking through the buttons.
GEMMA
No messages.
CAROL
I told you....ow!
Felicity glares at her after he kicks her.
CAROL
I'm sure he'll call later. Yeah bound to.
GEMMA
Don't think I care what he does.
Gemma reaches for one of the glasses and downs it in a oner, her face looks as if it is going to explode.
FELICITY
That's the spirit.
Several drinks later and Gemma is much the worse for wear.
CAROL
Do you not think she's had enough? I'm not cleaning up sick again.
FELICITY
She's fine, she's having a laugh.
Gemma hauls herself from her seat and promptly falls to the floor.
FELICITY
Oops-a-daisy.
GEMMA
I need to go to the bathroom.
Felicity and Carol help Gemma to her feet.
CAROL
I'll take her.
Gemma puts her arm round Carol and they both lurch towards the bathroom.
INT: BATHROOM, CLUB, DAY
The bathroom is bright and clinical. Gemma lurches through one of the cubicle doors, falling to her knees and starts vomiting.
CAROL
Let it out.
Carol stands back, wincing at every wretch. Gemma looks frail and fragile as she clings to the bowl.
GEMMA
I'm never drinking again.
CAROL
Now where've I heard that before?
Gemma tried to laugh, but has to resort to spitting the acidic taste out of her mouth.
CAROL
Is he worth it?
GEMMA
Eh?
CAROL
This bloke, whatever he's called. Is he worth all this grief?
GEMMA
His name's Steve.
CAROL
So is he?
Gemma looks confused.
CAROL
Either he is or he isn't? It just seems like a hell of a lot of grief to put yourself through, just for a guy?
Gemma hauls herself to her feet and staggers over to the sink. She turns on the tap and splashes water on her face. She looks at Carol in the mirror.
GEMMA
He's not just a guy though, he's Steve. My Steve. It feels like I've known him forever. I can't remember a time when he's not been around. Okay we argue a bit, but, this is gonna sound corny, but it's like we were meant to be. We just fit.
CAROL
And does he think like this?
GEMMA
Obviously not, 'cos he buggered off.
CAROL
You know what you should do?
Gemma shrugs.
CAROL
You should clean yourself up and show him what he's missing. Show him the girl you used to be when you first met. The one he fell in love with.
GEMMA
How'd you mean?
CAROL
He's a bloke, he'll have got scared. Commitment, marriage, babies. All that serious stuff scares them to death.
GEMMA
You think?
CAROL
Think? I know.
GEMMA
Na, not Steve.
CAROL
I'm telling you, all blokes are the same. I'll bet you mentioned marriage ages ago in a conversation you've probably forgotten about, and ever since then he's become distant, working late, becoming boring.
GEMMA
Well.
CAROL
See I told you. You can read men like a book. A very thin one at that.
Gemma turns round from the sink and faces Carol.
GEMMA
Not all men are the same.
CAROL
Trust me, they are.
GEMMA
Just because you've been hurt....
CAROL
It was more than hurt. I was jilted at the altar.
Gemma doesn't know where to look.
CAROL
All men are b******s. Even Brian or Felicity, whatever he calls himself.
Carol's tough exterior starts to crack. Gemma finds herself hugging Carol.
CAROL
It's supposed to be me comforting you.
GEMMA
Come on. We'll face the world together.
They both head for the exit.
INT: "IN THE CITY" NIGHTCLUB, DAY
They come out from the bathroom, entering the club, which seems even gloomier after the brightness of the bathroom. Felicity is talking to a tall athletic man, carrying a large sports bag, whose back is to them.
GEMMA
Who's that with Felicity?
CAROL
Oh that's Roxy Silver. Come on I'll introduce you.
GEMMA
Oh I don't want to be rude.
CAROL
Don't worry he's a sweetheart.
Carol heads over, Gemma sighs deeply and follows. She watches as Carol hugs Roxy and turns to beckon her forward. Roxy turns to face her, a big beaming smile.
GEMMA
Steve!
The big beaming smile falters. Felicity and Carol gawp open-mouthed.
STEVE
I....
FELICITY
This is him? The boyfriend?
STEVE
I can explain.
CAROL
This is going to be good.
FELICITY
We should give them some privacy.
CAROL
Aaw but....
STEVE
What are you doing here?
GEMMA
I could ask you the same question.
Felicity ushers Carol over to the bar, but they keep watching from a safe distance.
GEMMA
Well go on then, explain.
STEVE
I....
GEMMA
I thought you were having an affair.
Steve can't help himself and a little snigger escapes.
GEMMA
Don't laugh at me.
Gemma hits him hard on the shoulder.
STEVE
Ow! I guess I deserved that.
GEMMA
Oh you deserve far worse. You made me think you were having an affair with Roxy.
(Laughing)
With Roxy?
GEMMA
It's not funny. God I don't know which is worse? Do you know how this makes me feel?
STEVE
I couldn't just tell you Gems. You would've freaked.
GEMMA
So what, you were just going to run away? Leave me thinking god knows what.
STEVE
I was trying to find the right time, the right words. But then something came up, I didn't know what to do.
GEMMA
So buggering off was the only option.
STEVE
I'm not buggering off.
GEMMA
Why's all your stuff gone then?
STEVE
I was going to tell you.
GEMMA
Tell me what?
STEVE
Everything.
GEMMA
About this, your penchant for dressing up in women's cloths? When did it start? I mean, did you borrow my stuff?
STEVE
They didn't fit.
GEMMA
Aaw god, Steve.
STEVE
I only did it a couple of times.
GEMMA
I don't want to know.
STEVE
You see why I didn't tell you? I knew you'd react like this.
Gemma can't even look at him.
STEVE
I still love you Gems, more than ever. All this is just something I do, something I do very well.
GEMMA
But why?
STEVE
I don't know. It's not a perversion or anything, it just sort of happened by accident.
GEMMA
Accident? What, you tripped and happened to end up in a ladies dress?
STEVE
The Christmas party three years ago. We did a sort of cabaret act for a laugh. Everybody said I was great at it. Just sort of snowballed from there.
GEMMA
You've been doing it for three years?
STEVE
On and off.
GEMMA
Am I so scary that you couldn't bring yourself to tell me?
STEVE
It's not that.
GEMMA
What then?
STEVE
It's not exactly the easiest thing to bring up in conversation.
GEMMA
Obviously.
STEVE
I'm trying here Gems.
GEMMA
Try harder.
STEVE
It started out as something I did once every so often, then other offers came in, the money was too good to say no. It became easier just to say I was working late.
GEMMA
And let me think you were having an affair?
STEVE
I didn't know.
GEMMA
That's you all over, just thinking about yourself.
STEVE
I did it for us.
GEMMA
And how do you work that one out? I mean, you've lost your job now, how are you going to live?
STEVE
I earn far more doing this than I ever did at that poxy firm. I was going to leave anyway. They just sacked me 'cos one of them saw the act and it was reported. Nothing happened to whoever reported me. They made a huge fuss, said I was undermining the integrity of the firm. Bollocks. But I only do it so that life could be easier for us.
GEMMA
That's a laugh. So why'd you take all your stuff then? Why've you left me?
STEVE
I've not left you. I've been offered a job on a cruise ship, one of those that goes round the Med. I panicked, I didn't know how to tell you.
GEMMA
So....? So you're....? You are buggering off!
STEVE
No I'm not.
GEMMA
Just piss off. I Don't know who you are anymore. You're not Steve, what've you done with the guy I fell in love with?
STEVE
I want you to come with me.
GEMMA
Now you're just trying to humiliate me. Yet another joke at my expense. Well I'm not having it, I'm not going to let you do it.
STEVE
Gems, will you shut up and listen.
GEMMA
You can say what you want, I'm not listening anymore, we're finished.
STEVE
For once in your life will you shut up and stop talking.
GEMMA
What?
STEVE
I had this all planned in my head. I knew exactly what was going to happen. I was going to surprise you, but I suppose this'll have to do.
Gemma looks open-mouthed as Steve goes down on one knee and produces a ring from his pocket.
FELICITY
Oh my god!
Felicity and Carol tense and hold each other in excitement.
CAROL
Is he doing what I think he's....?
FELICITY
Ssssshhh!!
GEMMA
I don't understand?
STEVE
What's there to understand? I'm asking you to marry me.
GEMMA
So you're not gay then?
STEVE
'Course I'm not, what made you think that?
GEMMA
Duh, the dresses.
STEVE
It's all an act, just a show. You're the one that knows the real me.
GEMMA
But you lied to me.
STEVE
I didn't lie, I just kept the truth from you.
GEMMA
I don't know if I can trust you.
STEVE
It's the last time anything like that will ever happen.
Gemma looks unsure.
STEVE
You know we're meant to be together, we just sort of fit.
Gemma crumbles slightly.
GEMMA
What about this cruise thing?
STEVE
I've got it all sorted. If you come with me, we can get married on the ship.
GEMMA
You've planned it all?
STEVE
Just say yes.
GEMMA
On one condition.
STEVE
Name it.
GEMMA
Change your perfume, it makes you smell like a tart.
STEVE
Is that a yes?
GEMMA
What to you think?
Steve jumps to his feet and lifts Gemma off the ground and spins he round and round, both their faces are beaming. Felicity and Carol are still at the bar, crying like mad, wiping away their tears.
GEMMA
One other thing.
Steve's smile quickly disappears.
GEMMA
Nobody's allowed to upstage the bride. That means you Steve.
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