Made By You

My very first attempt at poetry

Made By You

 

The knife goes deep

And with just a little twist

A simple movement

And it all floods out

Things that had been buried deep

Thought to have been lost long ago

 

Why'd you do it?

Sleeping dogs and all that

But no

Not you

Your speciality

Watch the squirm

 

Emotions run deep

And you like to dive in

Right up to your neck

Create a ripple

And watch it break upon the rocks

 

An attempt to break free

To be an individual

Thrown back with disdain

You called it love

I tell you it hurts

 

Did you ever notice?

People round about

Eyes wide

Mouths open

You with your sparkle

Burning bright

 

Bitter bitter mixed up

A product of your will

Shaped and moulded

No use to any other

Just left with thoughts

Bitter bitter mixed up thoughts

 

I am what you made me

Piss and vinegar

Spite and rage

A mix of creation

Made by your hand

Forged by your will

 

Author's Note

Be gentle with me, I've never done poetry before

Reviews

[Tomás Ó C..]

Good message, nicle flow... great for a starting poem...

[Tomás Ó C..]

The emotion and the message is there, and as its non rhyming oetry the form is cool too...

[Natalie C]

I am so glad I got another chance to read this, I think my previous review said it all and I really believe that you can try the poetry thing more often too.

Really did love your imagery just seemed to strengthen the bitter-sweet feel of this piece.

Thanks for submitting!

[J. Hampton]

Ahhhh... The poet is born ....in my favorite "screenwriter "

I "knew-it " !!!! Bold metaphor use......while common in one way...you brought the images uniquley
First or not ....I hope to read more..... Personally ....some of the emotion taken into account and a bit of talk about "will" ...I am curious as to the muse ???

Like this Alistair... I am saving it...as ( it is your 1st)

Blesssssssss

[Natalie C]

Oh wow Alistair this was sooo brilliant. If you didn't happen to mention that this was your first poem, I would have never guessed. Great flow and your amazing use of imagery just seemed to tie this whole piece together perfectly. I loved the use of the short stabbing lines, it brings forth those feelings of bitterness and resentment very vividly and makes it quite hard for your readers to ignore.

I can't help but to wonder with Angelheaded Hipster, if we are going to be seeing more of this side of you?
It truly was a great read, can't wait to see what you come up with next!

[Angelheaded Hipster]

this works rather well, and if you hadnt said that this was your first poem, I would have never guessed....I like the images, and I do get a sense of anger....

Will you be trying your hand at this more often?