To Be You.

On dealing with issues of teenage and the society.

Little drops of rain were forming disciplined patterns on her open window. A few managed to spray their way through the grill, to her face, forming neat small water drops around the fat ones now making their way silently from her eyes, along her cheek. The images on her head set themselves on a loop.

It always had been Rebecca and her against the world. School wouldn’t have been half as tolerable if not for her presence. Back in the 7th grade, a regular day at school always meant their notebook caricatures and dialogue scripts starring the bullies and wannabes of their class, followed by silent giggles which would die the second someone turned to them. Ceasing giggles as if on cue and pulling a straight face almost instantly was a superpower they had mastered over the months. Verbal hurls aimed at her weight every time the bullies ran out of entertainment were nursed by Rebecca’s cheese burgers. They had never managed to fit into the plastic league and had never wanted to. At least until the day Edward came up to Rebecca in class and invited her to his birthday party. She was seated right next to her and it was almost as if he had seen right through her. “What makes him think I would go?” she had said to her, a few hours before she had put on her best dress and took her first steps into the plastic circle.

“He saw through me, Rebecca.. His eyes couldn’t register something which did not have the plastic potential.. ”

One Wednesday, a few weeks later, Rebecca had turned to her as they got up from class to leave for lunch and said, “Hey.. Rachel and her friends invited me to join them for lunch today.. I hope you don’t mind, Chloe”. For the first time she felt as though she didn’t recognize her best friend and that had nothing to do with her carefully done hair that now bounced off her shoulders or the specks on her face now hidden behind layers.
In little under a year the friendship they shared had tarnished to the point of non-existence. Then one day, as she entered the hallway, Rebecca greeted her with a hand wave and the widest of smiles she had given her in a long time. She waved back as Rebecca walked towards her, and almost elbowed her accidentally, knocking her down and mumbling a sorry before she went up to hug Edward who had been walking right behind her. Rebecca sure had greeted her too with a warm welcome; her cheeks burned red.

“YOU saw through me, Rebecca. Did I exist to you anymore..? “

Over the years, slowly but steadily the weight she had to carry around kept ascending, both physically and mentally. After months of being the butt of all jokes in high school, the attention over her had died down. There was always a new vegan, a girl too tall, a guy too short, spoke with a lisp, wore clothes that only he liked, and a lot more people who were the targets for just being themselves.

But she was forgotten. There wasn’t one person that waved to her as she walked through the corridors or picked her name during group activities. She had learnt to walk through the corridors without looking up and she could feel the weight bottled up within her bloating every time she sensed happiness around. Within her there was darkness and pain, which engulfed her in little bits until she could no longer find herself, or find peace.

“They all saw through me. I felt invisible. That’s supposed to be a super power, right? “

                          

                         She snapped out of the past. Her phone vibrated; Mom calling.

“Sorry, Mom. I love you”, she pressed the send button before popping the first pill. Her phone vibrated again. Four more pills. She felt good. She smiled. The tears never stopped rolling. “Hi, Rebecca”, she typed and pressed send. “Who is this?” came the reply. She laughed. Downed the remaining few pills, and waited. The only sounds in the room were that of the dying rain against the window sill and the ceaseless vibration. “I do not want to be invisible anymore” she said to herself. The sounds started feeling distant. Her vision was blurred. The last thing she saw; Mom calling. And then there was darkness.

 

“What if I chose a burger over a plate of salad? What if I didn’t wear the clothes you did or enjoy the music you didn’t? What if I enjoyed literature over movies? What if I were socially awkward? What if I enjoyed silence and the conversation with the voice inside my head? What if I were not skinny? How could you declare me abnormal? I am normal, and I am unique. I am myself and I would never be you.”

She screamed from the bottom of her stomach, and searched within the eyes of every single person in the hallway. She was invisible. They all saw through her. Some walked through her.

Reviews

[BethIsRad]

This is beautiful and heart-wrenching. I sympathize with Chloe and felt her pain, her sorrow, as she thought about her past and what she chose to be her future. I believe this story should be shared in every school across the continent. Maybe, just maybe, we can put an end to this bullying. Maybe we can make a difference. Thank-you for sharing this piece with us.

Now I`m challenging you. To every person who reads this- choose to make a difference. Choose to bring life and joy. Be a generation of young people who love instead of hate, smile instead of snear, heal instead of hurt. Think of how beautiful the world could be if everyone chose to live this way. It doesn`t take much, but it`s up to you.