Give Yourself A Chance

by giving yourself a chance,maybe lead to happiness... try it :)

If you show me yours

I will show you mine..

Everything is gonna be fine

la laa la la laa

ye ye heh heh hehh

You make me worried

you make me sad

If you don't say it

I will go mad

la laa la la laa

ye ye heh heh hehh

See if you can

Watch your step 

and forget the plan

You seem busy..

don't know why

Can't stop my heart from beating so fast

It feels like killing me from the rest

all apart

la laa la la laa

ye ye heh heh hehh

Cute and Funny things are going all around

Makes me happy and I will fly all round

See I like you

and I think you too

So why to wait

why to stop

give yourself a chance

You never know what will happen

Next day when we awake

and there will be no more plan..

la laa la la laa

ye heh heh hehh . . .

Author's Note

honest reviews please:)
tell me the corrections...of any type..
i will appreciate it...
rate it also:)

Reviews

[Megan]

"See if you can
Watch your step
and forget the plan"

i like this... the whole idea of letting go, and opening up your heart for a chance-an opportunity- for happiness. Often times we find ourselves wanting to, like you said, plan things, and have control over much in our life, but it doesn't always have to be complicated. Sometimes it can just be as simple as...I like you, and you like me, so let's just have fun and be...and that's the feeling I got from this poem.. so simple, and so true..

and the "la laa la la laa" and "ye heh heh hehh" was also a nice touch that just made it even better and realistic..

and i love the picture.

thanks :)

[Brad]

sung like a childs nursery rhyme

I like the simplicity of the piece. In my mind I could here the lyrics being sung by a child on the playground or something like that. However, there are a few areas which I think need your attention.
"See I like you
and I think you too"
In this part it feels like there is a word missing and it doesnt quite make sense without that word. Like if you put it like "I think you like me too" or "I think you do too", it would make it a whole lot clearer.
"So why to wait
why to stop
give yourself a chance"
If you take 'to' out of both lines it will become easier to read and make more sense grammatically.
Other then that its a great piece. I like the way you set it out, with the colors. It draws the readers attention to certain words and changes the inflection of the poem.

[Siddhartha]

Oh this is beautiful Akshat. You write from the bottom of your heart. The rhyme works wonders here. It bursts through out the piece.

[Miss Sally Sunshine]

Everyone here has said everything I wanted to... I love the way the poem sounds like music, but holds more wisdom than most songs. Fantasitcal job :)

[trainwreck]

This was good. There are a few small typos in the la la la parts. Good job my dear.

[Sunflower 20]

i really like the way this sounds like a song from the mind of a child. but it has so much wisdom in it! i find it very ironic how children can sometimes see logic in the simplest things, while adults have to complicate and analyse to find a logical answer.
well done! :)

[Bridget Mcmaken]

wow this was very amazing. Love you have you make the poem sound much like music. This is Beautiful. It flows nicely together. Great work!

[Art Sun]

a musical and poetic write...nice work on combining the two together...

[Julie Beth]

this was really good i loved it :)

[Abbie]

this is really good....and kinda seems like it could be lyrics to a really awesome song.great write i love it keep up the great writes :)



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