this is a poem full of wisdom and truth...
People usually consider flying in air or
going in water without mask a miracle.
But I think the real miracle is not
to fly in air or going in water
without mask,
but to walk on earth.
that line made me realize a lot of things... thanks for sharing this poem to us...
Wow ! How colorful, beautiful rainbow you created here ! Love what you wrote here, "If you want a miracle, be the miracle."
Yet some people may disagree and say, "We can't all be princesses, someone has to clap when I walk by." Well, there will always be people like that in the world. :)
But the greatest miracle of all, is you. As I think Dr. McCoy told Kirk in Star Trek onetime, if you take the planet Kirk lives on and go out from there, leave the planetary orbit, the solar system, leave the galaxy, leave the universe, and even beyond.
There is still and only one Kirk. That is your miracle, Akshat. You are your own miracle, and what you decide to do with your life is sincerely and utterly up to you. Don't disappoint the cosmos. :)
Yes, miracles are with us each day when we view them as you speak of. Your writing is most inspirational and supportive of the better ideals and qualities of mankind! Thank you for another way to view that which is seemingly ordinary, but really extraordinary!
I am impressed by the way you carry the idea throughout your write!!
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you dear..means a lot to me..I hope you will read and love my other poems :)
I love the repetition of both miracle and spark in this piece. I think they lend well to the flow. There is a lot of emotion in this piece and I know you are an emotional writer. I have to agree with Astro, I would also like to see some pizazz in this poem.. some showing instead of telling. For instance instead of saying fastfood say a burger and fries (or equivalent) and instead of healthy food, say apples and rice.. do you see what I mean? show instead of tell.. I think you could do that through out the poem, tighten it and really make it shine. There is nothing wrong with it as written, with the exception of some grammatical errors, but if you are really serious about writing poetry, then you need to show your emotions more and tell them less.. I want to see your poetry come alive.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thanks for your concern dear :)
I have corrected grammatical errors as Astro said..
From.. read moreThanks for your concern dear :)
I have corrected grammatical errors as Astro said..
From my next piece i will try to improve ...i will remember all your points in my mind :)
this is realllllllllllly a lovely poem...!!
never expected to lively see and feel such beauty in a poem..!!
something, which is really good,and unique, here is, the mentioning of mother, father, nature, and our own self, the ones which really are a miracle to us..!!
this is something, that makes makes it exceptionally good..!!
very well done
keep writing and rocking,
with best wishes,
saumya
The whole poem is a mix of emotions, thanksgiving, joys, reminisce, laughter. A like how you have put a correct definition of miracle throughout the poem, while most of us fail to see or notice. A moving piece, Akshat! :-)
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you for understanding my poem,Shivam :)
11 Years Ago
The pleasure is all mine! :-)
BTW, why don't you send read requests for allowing a wider range.. read moreThe pleasure is all mine! :-)
BTW, why don't you send read requests for allowing a wider range of people to read a larger number of poems of yours :-)
11 Years Ago
most people here don't accept requests...and the remaining bother less...
'A single Mom who's working and still
finds time to take her kids out,
making good food,
that's a Miracle.'
i found this such a positive message and one i needed to hear, so down to earth and understanding that it truly is the simple things that are imortant. i needed to read this today as i'm feeling slightly down and out of sorts and it lifted me. made me feel thankful for what i've got. fantastic.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
I am glad that you liked it..Thank you dear..means a lot to me :)
Grammatical errors aside, the sentiment of your piece shines through. The Miracle of Life, the inspiration for us all, sadly, overlooked but easily gained. I'm not sure if English is your second language or not, but you have a firm grasp of it, but like you say in your poem, where there is a spark, there is a potential to make it brighter. In this case, I believe you could 'shine' your piece up a bit, and offer up something more miraculous than you thought you could.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you astro...I would love it more if you have tried to give the grammatical errors..so that i c.. read moreThank you astro...I would love it more if you have tried to give the grammatical errors..so that i can improve this poem :)
11 Years Ago
For example, in your opening, you define miracles as "Naturally Impossible Events" then go on to wri.. read moreFor example, in your opening, you define miracles as "Naturally Impossible Events" then go on to write, "is what we say as a Miracle." Here you could swap 'as' for 'is' because you are trying to give a precise definition. You could go even further and reword the whole statement to something like: We define 'Miracles' as 'naturally impossible events'. Another note, on this section, the definition you give is pluralized so, you may want to do so to the word miracle. So then you would write, "Naturally Impossible Events are what we call 'Miracles'. There isn't one true way, this is poetry, but there is a grammatical line that (sometimes) needs to be toed to guide the flow of a piece. I will leave you with a couple more areas, and then my dear you are on your own, and good luck, you can do it.
1. flying in air - without mask
2. But I think the real miracle is not
to fly in air or going in water
without mask,
but to walk on earth.
You have forgotten the "articles" before your nouns *definite = 'the'* *indefinite = 'a or an'*. So then, your words should read more like, "...to fly in "the" air...going into water without "a" mask. Do you see the difference? Work on adding the proper 'articles' in your sentences and your meaning will shine brighter. Good night.
11 Years Ago
Thank you so much dear..i will surely correct it :)
Try to see my other pieces :)
1. Wow! Awesome color effects!
2. The theme of MIRACLES is stunning!
3. The final message is inspiring!
INTERPRETATION
1. Meditation: Meditation brings a wonderful gift to those who are closed and open.
2. Miracles: Miracles happen everyday.
3. Mother Earth: The symbolic reference is our homeland which is love.
CONCLUSION
1. Beautiful work!
2. "...we have the power" Reminds me of "Bruce Almighty"
3. I see Innocence and Idealism which are my two favorite things!
love,
ria
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you for this lovely review dear..means a lot to me :)
hello(Namaste),
You can call me (or ashu),
I LOVE MYSELF...!! :-P I am methodical,practical and a great friend....!!! I never make snap decisions, preferring to weigh the pros and cons of every.. more..