Without You

It seems that you have said something through your eyes

life seems to complete without sleeping

soul is there but my breath is stopping

 

I know that you didn't need a support

I am here only for giving you my side

 

Everytime i met you

It seems that your eyes want to ask something

 

Travelling through a long distance i get a doubt

It seems that your eyes are seeing me

 

It seems that moments of my life are going to stop

It seems that life is moving so fast

so fast away from reach

 

I always think about you

like all my breath i take is for you

 

Like something you hide from me

It seems that your eyes want to see me

Life seems to complete without sleeping

Soul is there but my breath is stopping

 

i am here but incomplete Without you. . .

Reviews

[kelly]

Much better than the other poem you had! This seems a bit like a song. I would recommend a few changes to strengthen the meaning. Take out 'that' and a lot of non-native speakers tend to use 'are -ing' rather than the simple tense, although
in the case of stopping, sleeping and moving- the -ing works well and structures the poem.

Try changing the flow a bit "It seems you have said something with your eyes"
"It seems that your eyes see me"
"It seems that moments of my life are going to stop"
""Like something you hide from me"

[?]

Like this
you are full of emotions, love the last line, it pulled it all together

[Brianna Brie]

You speak of air to breathe and time to live, but the soul is incomplete without you. Nice correlation between things we can easily understand and feelings felt. Enjoyed reading this poem.

[Akshat♥]

please give reviews...

[Priyankaabhilaashi]

Good one..!!!

[Sunflower 20]

i love that last line:

i am here but incomplete without you...

so beatiful! it ryhmes so well and really adds emotion to this piece. well done!

[Akshat♥]

I am really sorry for all that i did before...