Without You

It seems that you have said something through your eyes

life seems to complete without sleeping

soul is there but my breath is stopping

 

I know that you didn't need a support

I am here only for giving you my side

 

Everytime i met you

It seems that your eyes want to ask something

 

Travelling through a long distance i get a doubt

It seems that your eyes are seeing me

 

It seems that moments of my life are going to stop

It seems that life is moving so fast

so fast away from reach

 

I always think about you

like all my breath i take is for you

 

Like something you hide from me

It seems that your eyes want to see me

Life seems to complete without sleeping

Soul is there but my breath is stopping

 

i am here but incomplete Without you. . .

Reviews

[kelly]

Much better than the other poem you had! This seems a bit like a song. I would recommend a few changes to strengthen the meaning. Take out 'that' and a lot of non-native speakers tend to use 'are -ing' rather than the simple tense, although
in the case of stopping, sleeping and moving- the -ing works well and structures the poem.

Try changing the flow a bit "It seems you have said something with your eyes"
"It seems that your eyes see me"
"It seems that moments of my life are going to stop"
""Like something you hide from me"

[Dark Empress]

It's a beautiful poem, I love it :)

[hannajade]

very sweet poem! good job!

[Brad]

someone has it baaaaaad...lol

[Theodore]

very strong poem!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong poem of love. When we lose someone. Their memory can sneak up on us. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Amanda_Rose]

so romantic. i love it. i like how all the emphasis is on the eyes. eyes are an important part of human contact, especialy relationships. you can tell a lot about a person by how their eyes react so i love that you captured this in your poem.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

my favorite line:
I always think about you
like all my breath i take is for you
this totally reminds me of someone i love a lot. sometimes i feel this same way.

[Dilan Gray]

I love this. I love how you mention eyes throughout the poem, seeing through the eyes and all that. I think it is great.

[sarah]

awww this is wonderful

[Calypso]

I loved the color of the font, but you didn't capitalize the I's in this.
Other then that this was so emotional and something I'm sure everyone has felt at one point.