It is now my pleasure to return the favour of your reviews.
I chose this from your portfolio, having read a number, because I saw a spark of instant recognition in your writing, having watched you review me, read your profile, seen the opening quote, read your author's note and then the words of this piece.
The only thing I never do when reviewing is look at what any other reviewer has said before me.
I want to form my own conclusions and not to be influenced by others points of view.
I often describe how I review before I review.
But my forms of reviewing are evolving at the moment, so please take this as it comes, knowing it is generously spirited, however lacking.
I shall number my points as I seem to do at the moment so as to appear at least to give the random a structure it does not necessarily own.
1) Structure: Seventeen lines, apparently drawn into one stanza of twelve, one of three and then an envoy final of two. As structures go, I find it unique. The history of poetry can place restrictions on us to which we feel we must adhere. Yes it is nice when the formulaic styles of the past are played back to us in form, but I see more merit in free self-expression as you do here.
2) Colouring: You add to the free spirit by changing the colours of words or letters to perhaps pick out the ones you want people to focus on. I have tried this as a style myself. What I read here is 'people' 'happy' 'strong' 'calm'
3) Rhyme: There is no fixed routine structure but I note here and there the occasional internal rhyme e.g. 'kind' 'mind' and external at the end of lines e.g. 'down' 'around' Again I come back to my point. Should poetry be so religious as to seek fixed patterns?
Not so.
It can.
But it doesn't have to be.
It can dd value or if we as writers are not too careful we all get lost somewhere between, trying to see whether meaning gets lost between rhyme and rhythm; and so to
4) Rhythm: Your lines are of relatively equal length though the syllables may vary, so there is something lulling in the metre.
5) Style: This could easily be written as poetic prose. That is you could put it in paragraphs that curl rather than in symmetric lines. I would be happy to explain more. All I will say is that it has a prose like quality with a poetic feel. Note almost to self in passing.
6) Use of English: You keep it simple, for notions which are straight from the heart - the meaning which I will come on to shortly. The only word you use which is not every day is 'abstruce' as in 'puzzling' or 'difficult'. It doesn't however break the flow for me.
And so to:
7) Meaning and favourite lines: Your meaning is quite clear and you can see it in my writing as much as I can see it here in yours.
Let me simplify your message into four statements:
a. Keep your head high whatever pain you may be suffering. Everyone has problems like you. Maybe worse;
b. Treat others in the same way as you would wish to be treated. If you smile at the world it will smile back, in much the same way as if you snarl at the world it will snarl back;
c. Keep positive, learn and be kind to yourself as you are to others; and
d. Take life a day at a time. Live in the present and not in the past or future.
The thing is Akshat, you have just made four philosophical points so profound I could write a book on each.
All I will say instead is that you are right.
Lines I like:
'Living in this way might bring you down
Try to learn from the things you see around'
Profound with colour.
And your three line envoy which delivers the key message:
'You need to be strong
You need to be calm
You will get everything with time.'
Nicely paced.
8) Parting comment: I love the note under your name in your profile 'I am imperfectly perfect'.
Therein lies in my opinion a very profound truth from years of being a perfectionist and not always finding that life works out how I would like it to despite my best efforts.
I will return the proposition you make there in my own words which are:
'Perhaps the only form of perfection we may strive for in life is in the acceptance of our own and others imperfections.
9) Overview.
This is free style verse.
It has several very profound messages to impart and you do it in your own elegant and unique way.
But behind the words on the page, be it this, in your reviewing me, or in your profile and in skipping through some of your other pieces, I see a persona that the world needs more of and to come back to your own title therefore, more inhabitants of the blue planet we all share daily who are 'positive' like you.
This is my review.
In much the same way as anyone else's writing or reviews, they will always be unique because we are all unique.
There has never been an 'Akshat' before and there never will be one again, in much the same way as a James Hanna-Magill.
Well written
Your friend
James Hanna-Magill
PS With a sense of humour, I think the world at times may need a holiday from James Hanna-Magill!
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 2 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you so much...means a lot to me :)
No more words to express ...
Lovely poem buddy. Just loved the picture of disable girl.
Good mixture of words :)
Good composition and at the end
"You need to be strong
You need to be calm
You will get everything with time"
Those are really catchy :)
Cheers!
Singh :)
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you vikrant ji..means a lot to me :)
11 Years Ago
Wow Ji and all don't add mate.. makes me feel way stranger :)
11 Years Ago
i said ji bcz i like giving respect...bcz i knw u r older than me :P
Almost everyone can relate to it.
deeply touched. :)
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
I want people to feel deep...to remain happy in whatever they do:)
thank you..means a lot to m.. read moreI want people to feel deep...to remain happy in whatever they do:)
thank you..means a lot to me:)
hello(Namaste),
You can call me (or ashu),
I LOVE MYSELF...!! :-P I am methodical,practical and a great friend....!!! I never make snap decisions, preferring to weigh the pros and cons of every.. more..