Chapter 1 ~ The Warning (3rd draft)

Notice: Long chapter



Chapter 1 ~ The Warning








    I watched the horse drawn carriages come up the cobblestone path through my bedroom window. Women stepped out with extravagant dresses and held out their delicate, gloved hands, waiting to be escorted into the palace. This was my seventeenth birthday party and all of the high ranked officials and ladies would be there tonight. I didn't know most of them and the ones I did know weren't considered my friends. Lords from all around the kingdom were coming with their charm at hand to try and win my heart. Highly unlikely. My father, the king, wished I would get married before I reached the age of eighteen to someone who would not tarnish the Orthalin name.  He believed in strong alliances to uphold his kingdom, Arnon.
    My maids were everywhere, fitting my dress, applying a thick amount of makeup to my eyelids, and wondering how they should arrange my hair. I was anxious. I didn't want to have to communicate with strangers who were just trying to get on my good side so they would have reassurance of their position and rank when I become Queen. I wasn't like Lenora, who charmed every conversation she had.
    My sister was five years older than I. Because of the age difference we never really mingled, when I was little. She was always busy with her studies getting ready to succeed the throne. I only talked to her during parties and feasts. Preparation was very important to her. She only focused on her studies. By Lenora's eighteenth birthday party, she was fully prepared to take the throne as her own, but everyone was shocked when our father decided to pass the throne, not to her, but to me. Lenora was thought to be the successor, and everyone knew it. She was the one who had been in training her whole life, not me. The whole country was shaken up for a while, but they soon came to adjust to the situation. Lenora didn't seemed bothered by it. She came up and congratulated me right away with a kind expression. I became quite overwhelmed and stressed, as my responsibilities were poured onto me. I often looked at my sister with jealous eyes. She had no responsibilities and wasn't  required to marry, because she was not the successor anymore. Ever since then, Lenora began to act much kinder to me. She frequently talked to me and even invited me to her tea parties. She never left me alone. I finally felt accepted by her. A friend.
    "Please, Princess. You need to stand still." The old pudgy maid, Franny, said as she put the last touch of makeup on my face. I didn't even notice I was shaking. Never had I been so nervous.
    "Don't worry dear. You'll do fine." Franny said as she patted my cheek with her plump hand. The maid then stood back to observe her work. "Ah, what a lovely lady you make princess." She smiled then wiped the sweat off her forehead with a sleeve.
    I was escorted to a mirror where my figure occupied it. My short 5'2 stature was masked due to the high heeled shoes that pinched my feet. My hair was placed into a elegant bun on top of my head. As for the dress, it was a light robin's egg blue that had a lacey bow tied around my waist. The length was about one inch off the ground. The petticoat I wore made the dress very puffy, which helped my boney figure. On both arms silk gloves came just past my elbows. A very expensive diamond necklace made it complete. I hadn't felt this feminine in a long time.
    I looked at Franny and gave her a big smile. Her eyes lit up. "I'm so glad I was able to please you, Princess." She said as she gave a quick curtsy.
    Just then Helen, my nursemaid, came rushing through the door. She motioned at the company around me. "Leave us be, ladies. You have done enough." They then curtsied and walked out of the room with a satisfied look on their faces. Helen leaned her back against the door, closing it, and lifted her head towards my direction. "You look like an angel, my dear." She walked up to me and inspected the maids' work. "Absolutely beautiful." She placed her fragile hands on my shoulders. "You will be the center of attention, Princess."
    "Really? Do you think Lenora will think so too?" I said as I twirled in the blue dress.
    "Of course she will think it, even if she doesn't tell you." She gave me a soft smile. Her hand reached inside the pocket of her apron, retrieving a hair pin that was decorated with a blue butterfly on it. "This is for you, my dear. You will be turning seventeen and will be all grown up and forget about me, so I want to give you something of mine." She placed the pin and my hand.
    It was gorgeous. The butterfly was made of tiny blue jewels that captured the light. The metal that held it together was silver. For her to have something like this it must have been an heirloom passed down through her family. "Helen, I can't accept this. It must be something very valuable to you." She clasped my hand around the pin and smiled.
    "But you are of greater value to me."
    I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her cheek. "Thank you." I  mumbled. Because I was royalty I could have any precious jewel I wanted, but this hairpin was priceless.
    Helen is a special person to me. She raised me with caring heart, like I was her own child. My mother was always sick and too weak to raise me on her own, so I went to Helen for advice. I never really talked to my mother that much, because she was on bed rest most of the time. Once I told Helen I loved her more than my mother. She slapped me and told me that I couldn't love her more than the Queen. I, of course, began to cry and there was no comfort or sympathy from her. Instead of words, I used my actions.
    Helen got all choked up. "Shall I put it in your hair?" I  gave her the pin. She placed it in the strands of my flaxen colored hair. "It matches your eyes and dress beautifully. Well, shall I escort you to the ballroom Princess Lilian?" I nodded, while placing my gloved hand in hers.
    We finally arrived at the top of the stairs. The grand hall was lit up with laughing and happy people, chatting amongst themselves. Helen let go of my hand and stepped off to the side. Trumpets sounded off and my name was announced. "Princess Lilian Laure Orthalin of Arnon has arrived." Hundreds of eyes glanced up at me. Almost in unison, they either bowed or curtsied in my direction. I blushed and cleared my throat.
    "Thank you everyone for coming tonight. On this day, seventeen years ago, the King and Queen welcomed their second daughter with warm arms. I'm just happy that I could spend this joyous night with friends and acquaintances all over. Please enjoy the party and hope for a successful future." I hated all of the words I said. Helen had me rehearse it repeatedly, correcting my mistakes in tone and even how I used my hands. The audience cheered and continued with their conversations.
    I slowly walked down the steps and was quickly greeted by a group of my father's advisors. There were four of them. All had their own unique look to them. One had the biggest ears I have ever seen. He could've been easily mistaken to be the jester. Another stood below five feet and was bald. The other two looked as if they could be brothers except one had very tiny eyes and the other, a larger nose and skin that looked like he had stood in the sun for too long, making it very leathery.
    "You look like a queen already princess." The middle aged man with abnormally large ears said with enthusiasm. The other men agreed amongst themselves. "You just might become even more beautiful than your sister." I gave an awkward laugh and did my best to smile. These men are the kind who like to manipulate. They try to do so with my father, but he is wise enough to see the truth and now they are testing me to see if I would be easier to control.
    I placed my hand on my cheek and pretended to be embarrassed. "Oh no, I wouldn't say that." The men gave soft smiles. They probably thought I was cute for getting all flustered like that.
    "Princess, you don't have to be so modest. You are very beautiful indeed." They all nodded as the big eared one continued to speak. "It would be very easy for you to find a husband." There it was. The subtle hint that they wanted me to get a husband as soon as possible.  I didn't want to get on their bad side by giving the wrong response.
    "Yes, but I hope someone won't fall in love with me just because I look a certain way. Love is a very delicate thing and should be approached with caution." I said, quoting Helen.
    "Of course my Lady. You are absolutely right but," The man's smile flattened. "We shouldn't be too slow about it, now." His sight fell from me. I felt the tension in the air. If it weren't for my petrified body I would have ran away at that moment, but Lenora intervened. Her presents melted the static in the air as if it were icicles above a fire.
    "Good evening gentlemen." She said with a light velvety voice. Her amber eyes moved to me and she nodded her head in acknowledgement then looked back at the group of advisors.
    The men turned their attention to my sister and stumbled with their words. "W...well good evening princess. You shine brighter than the moon itself tonight." They said showering her with compliments. My sister wore a silver flowing dress that sparkled and moved like a river in the moonlight. Her thin, long, platinum blond hair was curled and styled in a half ponytail. She was beautiful. I looked down at my dress not feeling the same way I did back in my room. It looked like it was her party and not mine.
    Lenora chuckled. "Thank you noble gentlemen, but if you allow me I would like to wish my dear sister a happy birthday." She gave her winning smile and they quickly bowed and walked away with drunken faces, leaving me and Lenora.
    "Thank you so much Len. I thought I was a goner back there." She turned around and started to walk, motioning me to come with her. We made our way out onto the balcony. There were a few other people out there but my sister motioned them away. She leaned up against the railing and looked at me. Even though she was no longer the successor she still had great authority.
    "It looks like the advisers are starting to like you. They think you will make a marvelous Queen, as do I." She gave a subtle smile. "Happy birthday little sister."
    "Thank you Len, but to tell you the truth, I don't think I will be good queen. I just don't have the motivation. I hate making decisions and I hate talking to noblemen. Marriage is not something I'm looking forward to." I stood next to Lenora, looking up at the stars. "Maybe I should tell father that I shouldn't become queen." Lenora stiffened and quickly looked at me with an unhappy expression.
    "It's your duty now and there is no escaping it. Father chose you to exceed the throne."
    "You wouldn't understand Len. You're not the one who has to follow stupid rules." I laughed a little. Lenora moved a little closer to me.
    "You should feel honored. It's rare for the youngest child to be chosen successor." Len's voice began to become more harsh.
    "I just don't have the drive to become queen." I said cautiously. The tension in the air began to thicken.
    "Father chose you for a reason. Do you distrust his judgment?
    "No, it's not that." My voice started getting weak.
    "Do you feel he made a mistake? Can you not see how much power you hold?
           "Y...yes, but I just turned seventeen and I'm being treated like an adult." I took a few steps back, putting some room between us.
    "Yet here you are acting childish. You don't deserve such an honor!" By now Lenora has abandoned her velvet voice and poised posture and is looking at me with a fierce stare. In all my life, this was the first time seeing her in this state. I was silent for a few seconds but I let what ever was on my mind come out of my mouth as soon as shock departed from me.
    "Lenora, are you...jealous that I'm becoming Queen?" I never realized this before. We both stood in awkward silence. Len finally regained her posture, pushed a strand of hair, that fell in front of her face, behind her ear and started to walk back inside, but paused before she entered.
         She gave a quiet, depraved laugh than sighed and looked at me with cold eyes. "Who would be jealous of a dunce like you." She then left me alone on the balcony.
    So she was mad at father when he chose me. Because of her controlled emotions, she hid the fact that she really envied me. Was that why she was trying so hard to gain political alliances, so she can still pose as a high ranked authority? A  new opinion of my sister arose in my thoughts.
    I took a deep breath and re-entered the ballroom. The party was still lively. I overheard a small group of ladies who were gossiping amongst themselves. "Did you hear? The queen has made an appearance tonight."
    "Really? The poor dear has been terribly sick lately.”
    "I know! I also heard it has been getting worse, too. I feel so sorry for her children..."
    I tried to ignore their chatter and look towards my parent’s thrones. They had been right about my mother being present. She must have been masking her pain, but it made me a bit happy to see that she came to my birthday to see me.
    I arrived at the foot of the steps. Without making eye contact, I curtsied as low as I could.
    "You may rise, Lily." My father's voice was deep and rough.
    I stood up and smiled up at them. My mother's pale face shocked me a bit. Had she gotten thinner? "Good evening father." My father nodded. I turned towards Queen Veronica. "Good evening mother." She gave no motion just sat there staring. I felt a little bit embarrassed. My father had always took some time off once in a while to come and visit with Lenora and I. He would tell us stories of his younger days of when he slayed the merciless boar whose residence was in the deepest part of the forest. My sister and I listened to these stories over and over again.
    Mother on the other hand was very serious all of the time and didn't like it when Father told us stories like that. Helen told me that my mother has always acted the way she does. Never talking to anyone and not showing emotions, but I know she loves me in her own way. I love both of my parents so very much.
    "Happy birthday,dear." My father said with a happy tune to his voice. "You are already seventeen. My, how the years have past, but time has been kind to you and has transformed into a beautiful rose." My father said as he departed from his chair. He came forth with his arms open and embraced me. I returned his hug. "I don't regret my decision in choosing you. I know you will make me proud." My head lay on his chest listening to the sound of his heart. How was I ever going to tell him my opinions in this matter?
    "I love you Father." I squeezed him tighter.
    "I love you, too." He kissed my forehead. "Never forget who you are, Lilian." His expression changed from joy to sorrow.
    "Father, is everything alright?” I questioned. His mouth quickly turned back into a smile.
    "Of course. You don't need to worry. Now go and enjoy the rest of the party." My father slowly retreated to his throne.
    I curtsied and turned around. This night had me all confused. As I walked further into to the hall, my mind filtered through the events that occurred. Something was wrong.  Something very wrong.  I wasn't sure what it was but I began to get nervous.
         I wasn't paying attention and I ran into someone. "S-sorry."
I looked up to find a boy about my age standing right in front of me.  He had hair which resembled the black feathers of a crow and blue eyes. Not just any blue eyes. They were shaded a cobalt blue with gold like specks that disrupted it's perfection. His eyelashes were so long that even I was jealous of them. My heart began to pound fast. I tried to speak but no words would come out.
    He looked at me in surprise. "Well if it isn't the princess." His surprised look turned into relief. By his attire, he didn't look like a normal party guest. The standard formal outfit that was worn by most men, looked a little worn and a little too big for him.
    He crossed his arms and smiled. My face by now was probably a bright red. What was wrong with me? It's not like I had never seen a good-looking guy before. I realized I was staring and turned my head. “S-sorry, i wasn’t paying any attention.” I forced the words out of my mouth.

“It’s ok, really. No harm done.” He said frantically. I looked back at him, feeling a bit awkward, but only to find the notorious Prince Gatto, the playboy coming straight towards me. I tried to hide myself from his sight behind the tall boy. He ruled the country of Besawed. The country next to ours. Gatto was the number one candidate my father chose for me to marry. He was a prince and had a lot of power. His father died a couple of years ago, leaving his kingdom to his eldest son Morist and his arrogant son, Gatto.

    "M'lady my I have this next dance?" I gave an awkward laugh and looked up at the boy who I was using as a hiding place. He turned to look at Gatto.
    "Well...I'm very tired and would like some rest if you don't mind." I said politely.
    "Princess Lilian, why do you waste your time with all of these other candidates. You know your father has favored me. How about you just do what he wants." He said as he took my hand a kissed it. Do what my father wants.  Every thing would be simpler if I did that.
    My other free hand was grasped and pulled away from Gatto. I collided into the boy's chest. "I'm deeply sorry Prince, but her highness had just offered a dance with me." Gatto expression was as if he ate a whole lemon.
    "Is that true Princess? Do you wish dance with him rather with me?" I looked up at the boy and he smiled at me. He was trying to help me.
    "Well yes, Prince Gatto." I regained my posture. "I'm going to become queen someday, and it wouldn't a great idea if I started to lie. I promised him a dance. I hope you understand." Gatto turned around and walked off with his pride crushed.
    I gave a sigh of relief. My hand was still holding onto the boy's hand. "Thanks a bunch." I tried to slip my hand from his, but his grip was tight.
    "You know I wasn't kidding about the dance." He said was a devious smile. I couldn't help but laugh.
    "Fine, I'll dance with you." He placed his right hand on my waist as I placed mine on his shoulder. "You know, I'm dancing with you, yet I haven't learned your name."
    "Well I guess you have the right to know. The name's Ash." The musicians began to speed up the music. I was glad the music was loud enough to hide the beating of my heart. For the first time that night, I was actually having fun. All the worries I had about my sister and the marriage candidates disappeared. It was just Ash and I. We danced and talked about random things that came to mind. Time seemed to fly by, but something was bothering me. Ash seemed a little distracted.
    Ash's posture got stiff. He was giving a hard stare in one direction. I followed his gaze. He was staring at a bunch of guards that stood in front of the of the entrances. “ They’ve begun to move.” Ash said under his breath.
    The music soon changed back into a slow melody and as soon as it did Ash's mouth was close to my ear.
    "Lilian, you have to listen to me now and do everything I tell you. Do you understand?"
    I gave him a confused look. His whole aura became very serious. He was a completely different person then the one I had be dancing with. He kind of scared me. "What? You're not making any sense." I tried to pull away from him but he wouldn't let me go. "Let go of me." Even with me struggling he still whispered into my ear.
    "You're a great danger Princess."

Author's Note

3rd draft, be nice and supportive. I want suggestions to make it better

Reviews

[K.G]

I love the ending of this chapter, makes me crave more. I also like how you give each character their own personality. But i suggest that you slow/watch the pace of the story a bit, makes it seem like you really want a reader to get to the good parts. Also maybe add some details like when the princess is being taken outside describe where there going for example umm. . As my sister and i walk away from the advisors, we glide past the guests as we head towards the balchoney, exchanging formal corteseys as we talk. or something of the likes . ^.^ i really enjoyed it tho, cant wait for more

[Aki no Kaze 秋の風]

thank you soooooo much!!!!!!!!

[K.G]

hahah any time love ^.^

[Miiki]

You have a beautiful choice of words!! You use them together really well too! You should continue to write these type of stories or books, you're great at how to let the characters speak, act and think. I wouldn't be surprised if you grew up to be a great fantasy writer!!!

[Schyala]

Your writing is really really great, the syntax and tone is also very well. Even though the writing is perfect, I don't particularly care for the plot. It's sort of cliche, the whole "princess has to get married in a year thing", also when she asked her sister if she was jealous, it was pretty obvious she would be she was studying to be queen in years. Nevertheless, the ending was really good and made me want to read on. A couple suggestions? Take out the cliches. I'm not saying you have to change the whole plot, just the princess diary's plot. But it's your story, and if you really want it in there keep it in there. Otherwise, I really really liked it. Amazing job :)

[Aki no Kaze 秋の風]

thank you so much for your review :) I understand what you mean by cliche, because i tried hard to avoid it. This story is not so much based on the whole marriage thing. In fact it's the last thing on the character's mind in the next chapter. In the draft of the second chapter, it's more intense and well... less cliche(i hope.) I think the second chapter is what sets it apart from the whole cliche bit. Thank you so much. I am going to edit and hope for better :)

[Schyala]

Well defiantly tell me when it's up :)