WHO FARTED?

Girls compliment each other with words like "You look great". Boys prefer to wreck the other guy's ego with an insult like "Your deodorant smells like the stuff they used to embalm cleopatra" Why?

WHO FARTED?

Timi's gang rushed out of the class at the commencement of the mid day break. I think there were nine of them. Timi was the alpha dog. He called the shots, mostly on account of his sharp tongue and brutal fists. The others included Taye and Kenny who were twins. Then there was Chibuzor, KC and Charles. I can't recall the other guys' names now. But the new boy, Kazeem was there as well. I felt sorry for Kazeem because I sensed that he was a decent fella and he was in the wrong company.
Benjamin and his guys formed a cluster in front of the snack bar eating beef roll as I drew near. They cracked coarse jokes and argued about who was going to win the incoming elections. The other students formed a que and placed their order for lunch. Suddenly, a loud noise that sounded like the staccato bursts of a gun rent the air. The boys shouted in protest and covered their nostrils while other students turned curious stares in their direction.
"Who farted?" Timi bellowed furiously and turned to face the new boy.
"Not me." Kazeem protested.
"It couldn't have been you." Benjamin scoffed. "The last time you farted, all the surrounding vegetations dried up and wilted."
"Hey!" The boy shouted in displeasure. "I don't like it." The gang members broke into unrestrained laughter.
"Do I look like I give a rat how you feel?" Benji retorted.
"Stop insulting me." The boy called Kazeem insisted. "Everyone farts, even you."
"Is that why you are torturing nature with your toxic waste?" Benji scoffed.
"The last time you polluted, I remember that all the fowls in your street died." Kazeem shot at him.
Timi's grin was contemptuous. This was a game at which he excelled. "And the last time you farted, your grandma died and the cops had to arrest you for murder."
The boys howled in another round of unrestrained llaughter. Kazeem's voice rang out loud and clear amidst the noise. "From what I heard, the last time you farted, there was an earthquake in Turkey and Syria that buried half of the inhabitants."
The laughter wasn't as serious as the earlier round but some of the students in the queue forgot about lunch and began to draw near with an eager look on their faces. They'd seen Timi wreck guys with his tongue in the past. They had no sympathy for the new boy. He just happened to be a likely object for their amusement. That was all.
"The last time you farted, a tsunami buried half of Miami under sea water." Timi jeered.
"The last time you farted, all the vampires became extinct." Kazeem's anger vibrated through his voice. "Even the great Dracula died of the stench."
"This is great entertainment." A dark and wiry boy declared after another round of laughter from everyone now.
That hateful smile was still on Timi's face as he hurled another taunt at his opponent. "The last time your grandpa farted, the second world war ended and Hitler surrendered."
"And the last time your grandma farted, Hiroshima and Nagasaki went into extinction." Kazeem retorted. His eyes blazed with his resentment. "Reliable information has it that the world powers blame the disaster on A-bombs just to save your family from shame."
Two of the spectators were rolling on the grass by now. A couple of others held their ribs as bouts of laughter shook their bodies to the frame.
"Give it up, Timi." One of the boys called out. "Kazeem is a pro. I think he won this round."
"Like hell he won." Timi was irritated. He faced his opponent again. "The last time your grandma farted, the emissions blanketed the sky. The mammoth and the dinosaurs died en masse."
"The last time you farted, the earth shifted its axis and the ice age was the result." Kazeem fired back.
"And the last time you farted, I broke your jaw." Timi yelled as he leaped forward and slammed his fist into kazeem's jaw.
The boy staggered back and fell on his rumps. The laughter died abruptly and the spectators began to chide Timi.
"Cut it out, man."
"It was just a joke."
"You started it "
Kazeem rose with swollen lips and blood trickled from the corner of his lips. A confident smile replaced the earlier resentful look on his face as he wiped away the blood. He hurled another insult at his opponent. "The last time, you farted, Satan fell from heaven and the earth hasn't been at peace since then."
The girls applauded Kazeem while guys crowded around him and shook his hand. Everyone seemed glad to see Timi humiliated for once. Timi just glared and then stormed off.
"Did you see what just happened?" A girl asked her friend.
"Yeah, the newcomer buried Timi, king of the bullies alive." They broke into laughter and gleefully exchanged hi-fives.

QUESTIONS:
1.Who do you think won the contest?
2. Why do girls like complementing each other but boys like insulting each other for kicks?

Author's Note

This is an attempt at humour based on my experience as a teenager. I wish I could be funny. Anyways, here's my attempt.

Reviews

[ProphetsMother]

Omg wow my man's like this s**t almost had me busting out and I'm supposed to be all chill and s**t waiting on the doctor gotta love the narration of events.

The Kazeem guy won I think cause he said something most profoundly historical (beginning of time s**t) and he took the best down (literally and metaphorically) like a man. Or a pacifist (a.k.a. a p***y-fest aka don't f**k with this guy he gives no shots aka you will never enjoy touching me as much as I will enjoy taking what u got aka balls of fire and glory)

So like.. if I'm a woman who is heterosexual and not transexual and I like to take shots (s***s/poops) on people like this... Does that mean the lady police are gonna take my woman card? I'm just really scared of the belief that wearing a moustache and beard out of lack of resources for my face my force people to start asking me about my pronouns and.... My GOD no matter how much I tell them I'm straight and a woman they just get so confused once the face hair comes in. Makes me feel funny guys idk


Okay I'm done by ow LOL

[Akinlolu]

LOL Your review got me rocking with laughter, PM. I guess with you, there's no missing the point. Thank you.
Akinlolu

[Chris Shaw]

Thoroughly entertaining Akinlolu. Who would have thought a fart could create such humour. Justice was done. Happy weekend to you.

Chris

[Akinlolu]

Thanks Chris. 😂 I wish you a splendid weekend too

[The Unknown Sith]

I like this it is funny and entertaining.

[Akinlolu]

Thanks for the feedback, Sith. I appreciate it.