Admonish-By:Akeen V.

Amazement arises from within this obvious surprise.

Which is intelligence now means to be irrelevant

Those who are such endure stones of negligence,

Being harshly caste by society's precarious hands.

Causing book built shields of resilience,

To protect inside knowledge from outsiders ignorance.

 

Inattentiveness is societies new phase or style, which demands

They indulge within its cobwebbed corridors while knowing;

Nothing remotely enlightening can come forth from them;

In this case their feeble minds have neglected brilliance;

And instead fed upon unimpressive myths for guidance.

 

Like blind sheep into a hungry wolfs den,

Uncanny yet ubiquitous these absent-minded ones,

Accelerate ignorance's rapidly growing appetite,

Incidentally agitating his apparent delight.

 

Until this world comes to an end of days

Stupidity shall receive awarded praise.

As while acknowledgment of intelligence

Gets shunned astray by society's abstinence.

Reviews

[jinjahman]

careful reading undoes the otherwise initial semi-negative perception that this is ham-fisted; on the contrary it's actually a wryfully worded poem of delicate imagery and mixed tone....this to my 'apparently' 'agitated' 'delight' btw !! well done

[Thurston]

It is strange. You sketch out a poem with these stanzas, but you never start on it. These lines are clumsy, repetitive, going somewhere but doing nothing.
(except to say where your poem is going).
Bit like your movie director's script. You seem to have the desire, you know where you're going: but you never start the poem.
Throw this away after reading it aloud. Then start your poem.
This is not a poem. It is a synopsis.

[Tori]

Well done. I rather enjoy your way with words

[DeadToTheWorld]

I really loved this :) It was great Ive never read anything like it before :) Keep up the wonderful work.

[Allegra Pescatore]

I really like the message, but I felt like they rhythm was a little off and the rhymes sometimes didn't work, and sometimes were there while at other times not. This might have been your intention, but I would look it over again and maybe read it out-loud to yourself, or better yet, have someone read it to you. Another note, as I believe someone else has already mentioned, you might want to change your vocab a bit. However, i think the most important thing is consider cutting some words. There are too many conjunctions and other unnecessary words in here. Make bold, declarative statements and you might make your point even stronger.

I don't know why, but I immediately thought of a pantoum when I read this. If you're not familiar with the style, check it out, it might be worth looking into, some of these lines would make an excellent pantoum.

Good work.

[Darl1ng N1kk1]

I like the message - it's so true, we are becoming a society that celebrates and thrives in ignorance. And you have quite the vocabulary! My only concern is that because you use such elevated language that you come off as a little bit pretentious. It's like you're saying, hey I'm smart, you're dumb and you suck because of your lack of intelligence (or simply, I know more words than you, neener neener neener). I'm not saying throw out all of the big words. Intelligence is something to celebrate, to be proud of. You just have to be careful sometimes not to brag.

Overall, a very good poem. Well done.

[the in between]

Wow, lovely poem about intelligence and ignorance. I totally agree with the overall message that ignorance gets noticed and not intelligence by society. Thanks for sharing :) It made me think and it was perfectly written.

[emmajoy]

There's both a distinct message and rhythm to this poem .. i'd love to hear it read aloud. Your words certain indict society, there's little forgiveness for shortcomings - and rightfully so.

In some places the wording seems a little too pat - almost formal, which flaws the meter; perhaps fewer long words would help. That said, it's a fine piece of writing.

[Liza]

this was a great selection of vocubulary
makes one think
the only word i would change is stupidity; it comes off as angry as if the intellligent one is looking down upon them
we all come to life without knowledge; no one is stupid

[Kaotic Barbie]

Wonderful write. 'Like blind sheep into a hungry wolfs den' My favorite line. Please keep writing you definitely have a wonderful, powerful gift.