Internal Chatter-By:Akeen V.

Night falls inward spiraling towards fright.

Morbid thoughts slowly flow during night.

Blood leaks quickly from the wall;

Leaving positive thinking to steadily fall.

Death circulates creating a trapping vortex,

Throwing all life sideways, completely out of context.

The enemy does not lay upon fears doorsteps.

But rather inside, where chemical imbalances

Within membranes in the brain, continuously fight challenges,

Between sanity's quite sensation and insanity's loud agitation.

At times sane thoughts are kidnapped; locking them away in darkness.

Replacing them with bouts of insanity, such a repetitive occurance.

Until one day arises, beyond that moon lite horizon.

Fighting shall cease from sickness of trying.

Sanity's marvelous and also protecting light

Will  meet defeat, expelling righteousness throughout the night.

Peering in, darkness can easily be perceived,

Covering everything which is known to be right.

An altered life and mind becomes received.

Now insanity's light, shines perfectly bright.

Yet neither insanity nor sanity are given victory

For both did not conquer what was sought after so rapidly.

Forgotten by both, another waited very patiently.

Watching them bicker while laughing hysterically.

Waiting for the time to present itself,

For a true victor can commend himself.

Insanity's holds an obvious fault

Once its peak has been breached

Another entity takes over while it takes a halt.

Therefore when it is breached

Insanity's door slams at its feet.

Victory shows what everyone should see

That madness has won

And shall forever control me.

Reviews

[TTBoy28]

Akeen - I really like this piece and I can fully understand why you entitled it, "Internal Chatter," because it's all of the mind. Being that the mind does wander, it may appear that you wander some with the writing style - but it all makes sense. I do agree that you must be careful as some things can manifest themselves through the pen..."Watching them bicker while laughing hysterically..." this is sickness (ha!) Good job though!

[Blossom]

I have to say your use of words make your writing seem so real. I love the flow and the imagery, its so vivid. I l also love the last stanza. its so powerful, I also love the rhyming of it, its very well done. all though everything is well written, I wished there could have been more emotion in the work, in some parts it seemed very forced as if you didn't know what to say or how you could continue to make it flow. but otherwise I think its truly a fine piece of work.

[ICE]

You are a wonderful writer and this was a wonderful piece. In the second stanza the last line reads "Between sanity's quite sensation and insanity's loud agitation," I don't think you meant quite but quiet instead. But then I could be wrong. Can't wait to read more of your work. :)

[Dingo the Archwizard of..]

Interesting. I, too, suffer from the affliction known as madness. However, it is this madness that enables me to write. Glad I'm not the only victim; it seems that it's contagious. ;)

[Aven]

I can tell that you are very creative and artistic, I just wished you had moved me more, I think it has to do with your choice of words... words like insanity, victory, righteousness and madness are used often but they are difficult to relate to... but you are truly a good writer! keep it up! :)

[Dark Empress]

I have to agree with kuru. I love that line. Nicely written, love it.

[kuru]

nicely written...i liked this line

Blood leaks quickly from the wall;
Leaving positive thinking to steadily fall.

nicely said...keep it up

[Ashbug:)]

that was really good :D i liked reading it great job :D

[Thurston]

No, mate. You're not nearly there. Still, you are growing into a writer.
Firstly, you must still maintain the integrity of English even in poetry.
e.g. "At times sane thoughts are kidnapped; locking them away in darkness.
Replacing them with bouts of insanity, such a repetitive occurance."
Rewritten: "At times sane thoughts are kidnapped, locked away in darkness,
(and) replaced with bouts of insanity, such a repetitive occurance."
Now your poetry is very immature, but you are probably too.
You have a lot of good stuff to say, but you need to be economical and as lucid as you can be, not as obtuse as you can be, for that is a silly way to read people: though obtuse profundity.
Trust yourself, for you have a nice turn of phrase. Be clear. Be as clear as you can be.
Read: Ted Hughes.

[Pyrrha Rayn]

That was amazing!!! Really enjoyed reading it, you're very good at making it flow and it was easy to...feel like the emotions going through it! Kepp it up =] Send me more!!