Kill

just a free write poem i wrote a while back for english class and i found and revised it, hope you like

how to kill how to kill...
no instructions come with this
when the unforgiving metal rests against his head
the lengthy moment of hesitation decides to sit
weighing down all of us as we wait
shall he? or shall he not?
the click from a gun
a man stands awaiting fate

hesitation is no more
now it is too late
the next loud noise
is a signal to all
the sound of a door closing forever...
as i said before
no instructions come with this
how to kill how to kill...

Author's Note

a short poem telling the tale of a man who hesitates to kill the man in front of him but does in the end, what do you think?

Reviews

[mariah]

wow, i like it! its very different, i dont know why, maybe its the concept or the way it is written but its great and i think it tells the story you described well. keep on writting :)
-Mariah

[Aeternal Oceanfire]

Interesting style! I quite like it!

[xx]

I'm no poet, as I've already said many times to others, but I'll try my best to provide some quality feedback on what you've written here! :)

There is a roughness to the overall texture of the poem, but that might be due in equal parts to both intentional effort on your part and to the fact that this is a "free write" piece, as you explained in the brief description. Have no fear, though - I am not judging whether this poem is "good" or "bad" - every writer has his own style and every poet her own. In fact, what you have here is fine material already in its own right.

The story you tell through this poem is tragically poignant, perhaps a metaphor for the numerous and difficult decisions we all make in our lifetimes, for better or for worse.

I saw a few minor things, though: the separation between the first and second stanza seems unnecessary. While you have a pattern of four-line-stanzas set up, I'm a firm believer in the concept that stanzas are parallel to paragraphs in function - they group together one idea, isolate it from the others. The second stanza, however, seems as if it should be a direct continuation of the first stanza, as if the spacing is arbitrarily placed there simply in order to keep to the four-line pattern.

But that's just my own personal opinion - and again, I am no poet. If you wish to keep it in that format, then feel free to do so! :)

Also, while some notable poets ignore the customary rules of grammar (such as e.e. cummings), I just want to point out that such stylistic flouting of those rules is a bit difficult to pull off. While your writing is far from careless, be aware that your lack of capitalization and whatnot may lead some readers to think that /you/ are careless or lazy...Just remember to either edit and proofread, or make that style your own so thoroughly that it seems utterly natural! :)

Keep writing! :)