The monster inside you

STORY 2: Until Death

I thought the gift of love’s caress had endless benefits in mass quantities. But what I thought was love in human form proved me wrong. I thought my engagement ring would make the black eyes heal up. I thought that when I walked down that aisle, that maybe you didn’t mean it. Maybe you didn’t mean to make me scrub my blood out the carpet the night before. I tried to envision the man with a shy smile and neatly tucked collared shirt at the restaurant on our first date. The compliments and charm in your brown eyes made blush come too easy. Maybe if you weren’t so attractive, I would have never went on a second date.  Your Carmel completion had my imagination running in circles of fantasies that should only play out in my bedroom. That was the man I replayed over and over again when I took the, “I do” commitment with my lips signing the fatal….I meant final line of our union.

I thought if we were married that it would calm you down. I really thought the extraordinary island and beach house on our honeymoon would keep you at ease. But the clear water of the washing machine turning into a red sea from the bloodstains on my wedding dress said otherwise. The quiet whispers of the wind and beautiful scenery wasn’t enough for your relentless arguments and excessive drinking. You downed in a bottle of vodka and wrapped your hands around my throat until my vision went black.

The lies I told everyone made me think that eventually, it’ll get better. But, “it’ll get better,” is a worn out statement that has ran its course. Your temper is getting worse by the day. I thought that my home cooked meals would make you happy. They do say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Instead, I swept the shards of the plate into the dustpan, and cleaned the spaghetti sauce off the walls.

That time you dragged me down the hall with your fist full of my hair, I prayed through my screams that maybe you will stop.  I wish I could have sex with you without you forcing it upon me. I wish I could experience the orgasms I felt when we first made love with each other. Now I dread the thought of sex at all. When I had your child, I thought that this was the perfect gift to bring that first time bond back. After a few months of euphoria, the monster inside you let me know it was still breathing.

I really recall that ride to the hospital when I almost bled to death from the gash in my head. The, “I fell,” excuse worked perfectly. I quit school and dedicated my time to be a mother so we could be happy. I even did the threesome with your hotter coworker, because the gun barrel to my head said so. I try not to think of last Christmas when you pushed me into the Christmas tree and threw hot food in my face because your turkey touched your mashed potatoes. I tried to disregard the sexual messages to a Kristina and Fallen in your phone, along with nude exchanges between the two. I even ignored the hotel receipt that dated back to last weekend when you said you were over your best friend’s house.

No more excuses. No more taking you treating me like a doormat. It’s time I leave and pack my bags. As soon as I was sure I was free, there you go bursting through the door blocking it with your pistol in hand. Even as your eyes are filled with rage, the guy on the first date with the collared shirt is who I still see you as. Your shy and handsome smile could light up a million rooms. But this monster took over, this monster who I had ample opportunity to get away from. The bedroom window stalled and the thunder of gunshots is all I hear. So much pain. So hot. I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I can’t………….