Aura - Beyond the Sensible

“What would you be willing to give up for love?” Exciting, unconventional love strory with a cute doggy character ;)

  

  

 

Written by Ajna Osvald, 2016

Cover design by Nelli Kocsondi

Edited by Krisz Nádasi

Printed matter by Katiötletek Nyomdai Ötletgyár

All Rights Reserved

 

Chapter 1- Aura

I was given my name when the wind of freedom first hit me. I was three months old then. Mommy insisted on me staying in the flat until I had received all my compulsory vaccination series and that surely took some time.

On that gorgeous day when she could finally carry me out of the house in her arms, she felt as if I was weightless - as she recalls. Then, when she placed me on the grass, I was just sitting there for quite a while squinting my glittering eyes in the sunlight and moving my nose in the balmy spring air. In her opinion it seemed as if I was spying on something other than this world. Something that could only be sensed by me as half of me is a part of that invisible dimension. Therefore my name became: Aura.

Beyond the sensible.

I am aware that my reasoning might sound mind-boggling. A freaky two-legged mommy she is, but I love her to bits though, even when i end up in trouble due to her neverending extravagant ideas!'

It might have been better if she had picked another name like Body, Lucy or Clover, or Princess to choose something really girlish. I could even put up with Honey - just to stay loyal to the international name trends. Each one would have been euphonic and popular for a Yorkie girl like me, yet none of them was appealing enough for Hannah, that’s mommy.

My name is not only ridiculous but also a disadvantage. On the dog run, i cannot get away with pretending that I thought the owner’s call for home time was meant for the other to Sapohires. In my eight years to come (I don’t dare to count how many they are in human years) I had the chance to get used to mommy’s rather unusual ways.  

I was only eight weeks old when Hannah took me home. I was so tiny that I could fit comfortably in her hands. To be honest, I cherish the fairly blurred memories of that time, I only know about it from the stories mommy keeps bringing up. It’s kind of annoying. Especially, that she never forgets to say how much I have grown compared to that. I weigh almost 7 pounds, she says, and accompanies her words with patting my hind with her hollow palm, so it creates a sound as it was snapped on fat. (Of which I don’t have any, of course.) Fortunately, she only plays this gig at home. That’s more than enough, though... yet again mommy gets furious when Rob does the same to her...Now, who is Rob? He is mommy’s boyfriend. He seems to be cool, yet I guess he is the reason why my life has completely turned upside down.

Not long after he had appeared, mommy got some huge bags out of the closet in the hall and started packing from the wardrobe. In fact, she was packing for days and the house became suspiciously silent. I hate when she leaves without me, so I was watching her keenly. And once, she just stood in front of me in a serious manner holding a carrier for dogs saying:

“Would you like to come along, Aura?”

She put the box on the floor with its door open and I just stormed into it without any hesitation, not even waiting for her to finish what she was saying. I mean, what was she thinking? The question itself was quite offending. How can she even think of leaving without me? Now of course, I have more grasp of what she meant by those spoon-feeding words:

 - If you come with me to the city, your life will go under an enormous change.”

I couldn’t count with the consequences of such decision then, all explanations were in vain. Mommy wanted me to have a choice. She did not want to be selfish and drag me along. She knows I love grand mommy, the garden with the little pond, and all the goldfish with their ninny heads - looking cute though. These are all gone now... I simply sank into the bottom of the carrier and was blinking at mommy with my eyes wide open, just to see if she had lost her marbles again thinking I was staying at home without her. At that moment she closed the door of the box, which ceased to serve as a common carrier for dogs from then on. It transformed into a time and space capsule.

This is how we ended up waiting a whole day at the world’s maddest people-run, which the owners call an airport, crowded with the two-legged all because the vet had misspelled my name on that passport. Having been released from there, I thought we were going home, yet I couldn’t have been further away from the truth.

I was ripped out of everything for good, everything I had known and what had meant the whole world to me. Our good old daily routine vanished in a couple of days.

Just to make myself understood right: I won’t have the chance to see my friends, grandma and uncle again, I won’t sniff around in the odorous garden anymore and be chasing hedgehogs at dusk in summer, these live under the bushes next to the garage, by the way. I was looking for them EVERYWHERE in vain: in the flat, the park and NOTHING. I mean for the above mentioned two-legged ones, not the hedgehogs.

Mommy says we are visiting them soon, yet she has no idea how far she is from the truth. My dog instincts tell me otherwise: even if I get to see my beloved ones from the past, it will not happen anytime soon. We have a long and winding road ahead of us.

If I got to choose again whether to go with Mommy or not, I would still storm into that box the same way. Despite the looks, now, she needs me more than ever. The main thing for us is to be together. Any place, any way. The two-legged ones should learn once and for all, that our owner means the world to us - as being dogs.  

 

 

 

Chapter 2 - Hannah

The midday sun starts sinking in the sky and draws a golden frame around the polo players before its beams enter my eyes.

This July is really hot in New York.

I tilt the brim of my huge hat with my hand coated in a silk glove. I feel surprisingly homely compared to that it’s the first occasion I’m wearing such accessories. This, of course, I would never admit to Rob whose arms are wrapped around my waist as he is standing beside me.

According to all my senses the whole atmosphere is filled with joy. It infiltrates the perfect moment and I’m dissolving in sheer happiness. I feel as a smile is playing on my lips; I have everything a twenty-five year old girl can dream of.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment. The smell of perfume and fresh grass is blending with the scent of horses in the warm summer air. I’m holding my breath and let this medley concoction swirl into my lungs and take its effect. Time slows down, but just then Rob’s arms tighten on my waist dragging me back to reality as the excitement of the game takes him away.

The player of the opponent team draws near to the goal out of the blue.

He is leading the ball.

Time flies again: galloping hooves are hoeing the green lawn of the ground catapulting muddy earth with a hollow noise into the air. The crowd gasps unitedly as the opponent player is shooting for the goal. Before he could hit the ball, a man with brown hair from our team races along on a bay horse. He brilliantly dribbles and gets hold of the ball.  

The spectators cheer. I start clapping, a bit exuberantly for that matter. It is just after noon, yet, I feel the champagne is going to my head.

I will refuse to drink any more even if they offer me more - wow I.

- Do you like the game? - asks Rob peeking under my hat.

My heart pounds. He is so handsome ... With his blond hair and delicate, symmetric features he looks like a young semi-god.

- Sure, it’s really exciting - replied I honestly - I really hope the team we have bet on could win.

He sends me a content smile and turns his attention back to the game.

I would have never thought that a guy like him would ever notice me at all. He looks so perfect, while me...I just look as good as a girl can.

True, there are some things that I do like about myself. Just like my long blond hair down to my waist which is curled up now in a bun at my nape and also my dark blue eyes. These are the things I feel self-identical with, but that is where “the list of things I like about me” ends. My continuous fight to fit in size M clothes instead of size L or to gain some tan on my dull porcelain skin....but let’s just skip that one.

I look down at my feet hidden in high-heels and at my elegant, light-blue dress. I would like to impress Rob’s boss and his colleagues.

This polo match and bet is all organized by Rob’s company, one of New York’s most influential financial corporations. Simon Gallagher, Rob’s boss, is a famous, some would say notorious businessman. If you ask me, I would say he is a freelance charmer, though he must be over sixty. He is tall with dark brown hair turning grey and with some laugh lines around his eyes. He must have been a Casanova in his earlier years. When I was introduced to him, he immediately started to compliment me. Yet, deep down I know it’s very all fake. Not a word of his is from the heart - or at least without any interest. Behind the charming appearance a cold blooded beast lies. It might sound silly as I have no particular reason for it, but I don’t feel comfortable with him around.

Gallagher regularly organizes events like the one today to do some networking. Not only Rob’s workmates are present now, but also the investors of the company and the friends of Gallagher.
So is my boss, Julien from the art gallery where I have been working for half a year now.

The waiter steps up to us and refills our glasses. Rob, as a gentleman still a little fast, puts mine in my hand before I could say a word.

There are only minutes left from the match. Tensions are high, everybody is thrilled. It’s a draw and hope is fading as the seconds are slipping away.

The opponent team initiates a pathetic tactic, instead of a real fight they just follow their opponents closely not to let them have a score.

Suddenly, one of the players can break out of his opponent’s blocking circle.

It’s that brown-haired man again. He’s galloping on his beautiful shiny furred bay horse holding his stick up high, he aims then he swings and scores the final goal elegantly.

My arms inevitably go up in the air. I’m clapping as if the players were playing the match for me.

Rumbling cheers and roaring ovations break out all around me. An imperishable smile spreads across my face; the team we betted on have won. Bottles of champagne are opened with pops. My arms are still in the air, Rob lifts me up, turns round with me in his arms and gives me a kiss.

- Oh, the young ones. It is an excellent shot. - says Richard with a big grin on his kobold-face taking pictures using his camera. He is one of my colleagues from the gallery.

Oh, I thought only my boss was present, Julian... I am so happy to see my colleague with his red disheveled hair. Finally, I can see someone in this company who I actually know.

- Don’t you dare to upload that to Instagram- I say it in a friendly tone sending him a gentle wave from the arms of Rob, yet, I mean it. I really hope he gets the message. It raised enough dust already when I decided overnight to come to New York, I don’t wish to provide much more basis of any further gossip to anyone by exposing the details of my new life in the social media.

People poor into the classicist building where buffet tables awaiting all, still, I have something else on mind. Without any explanation to Rob, I grab his hand and pull him along as I know he will like my idea.

- Come! - say I enthusiastically heading towards the pitch.

- Where are you going? - asks him a bit worried.

- Just come - I encourage him - you will see.

The players and their horses are just letting off the remaining steam on the pitch. I am fond of animals, yet this feeling has so far been limited to dogs till now. The reason might have been the absence of horses in my life. However, these agile creatures mesmerized me today. I need to see them from close and pat them on the neck.

When we get to the fence, I let Rob’s hand go and I get through the lath with ease.

The jockey spots me as I’m approaching and starts simpering.

- Can I pet him? - ask I before actually doing it.

- Would you like to take him for a ride? - He teases me presenting me the rains.

- Well... I’m not so sure - say I reluctantly, yet, by the time I have uttered the words, I find myself climbing up to the horse’s back. The jockey gives me a gentle push and up I am on the horse. Only on the horse swaying do I notice that Rob got stock at the fence where I let his hand go. He’s staring stunned and pale.

In the next moment the horse sets off and I twitch in the saddle then I squat myself instinctively and hold onto the horn dearly not to fall off.

The horse changes gears and scampers.

Rob starts shouting, yet, the horse is heading with no obvious reason towards the small wood across the field. Oh my God!

- Someone, stop him! - cry I realizing that no-one seems to come after us.

I receive cheers from the belvedere by a small group of people having not entered the party yet. Their laughs reach my ears. I guess one glass of champagne was less than enough for them.

Behind my back Rob and the jockey are shouting simultaneously so there is no way I could understand a word they are saying.

Rob is shouting in Hungarian, it might be something with me stopping the horse. The jockey is giving me instructions with a strong British accent, but I can’t quite catch any of it. I’m bouncing up and down in the saddle thinking about how much longer I can bear this senseless dashing when out of a sudden the horse starts slowing down making me crash to his neck. The only thing saving me from a fall is that the horse’s head is held up high listening as he has heard something. In the next moment, he changes directions and it looks as if he canters calmly on, or at least I’m not bouncing up and down in the saddle so violently now.

I realize it only after a couple of meters that Richard is squelching to the horse at the fence with his arm stretched out to him. The animal is trotting straight to him and miraculously stops. As he halts I feel like I am just about to throw up.

- Are you holding him? - groan I with my eyes closed.

- With both hands. You can come down now. - arrives his smoothing reply.

As if I was capable of doing just that.

- How was it? - Do you happen to be a part-time tamer? - slipped this stupid question out of my mouth in my agony.

- Sugar cubes. - explains Richard beaming - Somebody has left it next to a cappuccino on the table.

I can hear as the stallion is munching contentedly.

That’s when Rob and the jockey gets there. Rob reaches out for me straight with a desperate look on his face and takes me off the horse. The jockey taps his horse on the neck and praises the animal.

I cannot decide whether he has lost his marbles or he’s just trying to sooth the situation with his behavior. True that I shouldn’t have sat on the horse, but he shouldn’t have offered the opportunity in the first place.

Rob gives me an intense look.

- Don’t you ever do such thing again!

Richard adds jokingly:

- Now I see why they say that Hungarians are an equestrian nation.

Rob groans bitterly and his spontaneous reaction cracks all of us up throwing our heads back.

And then my eyes get caught on a tall figure scanning our tiny group with his hands in his pockets in the grandstand up high. I go silent.

It is Simon Gallagher. His looks give me shivers down my spine.

Chapter 3 - Daniel

The taxi that took me home from the airport has just stirred the dust behind my back but it’s already clear to me someone has broken into my luxury villa in Rome.

It was enough to have a glimpse at my house. The shadow gliding across the window revealed the presence of the intruder.

It was nothing else but a flash of a black spot, one would think it was only a delusion of the tired eyes or the changing afternoon lights. Nevertheless, I could never afford the luxury of deluding myself with such an illusion. My life is far more dangerous than that.

I bristle with anger but I pretend to be without any suspicion. This way it will be easier to catch him. He doesn’t expect me to know he is in there.

I appreciate the concept of private sphere so I can hardly apprehend what has just happened. The security system of the house was installed by me taking good care. I considered it to be impossible to crack. I applied all the existing methods but the moat and the pharaoh's curse to protect my home and life.

So I’m walking through the garden to the gates of my home. I try to eavesdrop but I can only make out the cacophony of sounds generated by the tourists near the Colosseum.  I enter the code. I insert the keycard in the slot. Everything works just fine.

I wonder where he could get in. And how?

There is no move in the house. I drop my luggage in the hall and also the bags from the airport full of presents meant for Hubertus for his birthday.

I’m sneaking inside and my steps feel silently soft on the surface of the marble floor. Just as if I was putting my clothes straight I carefully reach for my gun hiding on my belt. The floor area of my hall is rather small, it opens onto the enormous living room so it means no problem for me to have direct sight of the whole place.

Not a tiny bit of sound. The living room is clear.

The back wall of the place is made of glass behind which there is a wide terrace. On the right there is a kitchen and a corridor with stairs leading upstairs.

I’m heading to the safest point: the bar. It’s in the opposite corner of the living room. There, I pretend to be mixing a drink for myself so I can have a good grip on the situation.

The house is huge and the intruder could be just about anywhere.

I don’t know if he has a gun. I remember that there’s a CCTV monitor at the counter where I can check the videos recorded by the cameras. Moreover, I would be still below sight which can come handy if the burglar is dangerous.

It better be a magpie as in that case I will only beat him to pulp, yet he can survive.

If he is hired by someone, though, the employer will get his head on a plate.

I’m walking across the living room ready for action. I unlock this small security weapon and I hide it in my palm. The white muslin curtain in front of the sliding window is suddenly fluttered by some breeze in the living room. So that’s where he got into the house. My attention is directed toward the glass window and the yard lying behind it. The water in the pool located in front of the terrace is gleaming calmly surrounded by deck chairs.

Everything is silent.

Yet, the waxy leaved plants behind them budge unnaturally. So, that’s where he is.

A strange move begins among the plants placed in front of the wall. It could be only the breeze rattling the leaves but I know it’s not that, it is my man trying to escape.

I leap twice to reach the window while I tear the curtain up without losing momentum to get to the garden. All the cells in my body are ready for the fight, I am taken over by the hunting instinct. I feel like flying outside, one of my legs is already outside when my ear catches a clanky noise on the left from behind the bar. I turn my head that way but it is too late to change the direction of my move. I sense that an enormous body is flying towards me in the air. It hits me on the side and brings me to the ground.

The air is squeezed out of my lungs as I touch the ground. My arms reach out for the attacker, but instead of human flash my grabbing fingers penetrate something soft.

My laughter burst out of my throat with a groan:

-Hubertus!

My dear border collie.

I placidly drop my head on the floor.

Then a familiar face appears from behind the bar. Antonio, my uncle, is looking at me surprised and worried.

- Are you out of your mind? - asks he perplexed hiding behind the counter peeping as I was some mad man who is surely about to attack him.     

- I should ask you the very same question. - grumble I while trying to avoid the enthusiastic licks of Hubertus standing around in ecstasy.

At last, he creeps forth from the bar and lends me a helping hand.

- We wanted to surprise you. - explains he as he’s pulling me up from the floor - but you acted as if you were stung by a bee rushing out to the yard. I couldn’t hold Hubi back, I guess he thought it was a kind of game - He’s trying to make some excuse for the siege of my dog.

I know he also means it as an apology, yet, it could be more sincere, especially that he can hardly cover his laughter.

- I spotted you the moment I arrived. - What were you thinking? - I shake my head reproachfully - I thought somebody had broken into my house. - I rub my painful ribs, I give a scorn look to Antonio and I step up to the counter to mix myself another painkiller.

- Breaking in? Into this house? - laughs Antonio looking at me in unbelief. He also knows the security system of the villa well enough.

I’m not into his humor right now. I could have shot him.

- It’s so stupid to play something like that. - say I giving him the scorn look again.

This seems to be making my old man more amused. He’s actually laughing his head off. It must be his second childhood.

He taps me on the back.

- Let the old man have some fun, too.

I shake my head meekly. It seems I cannot convince him otherwise about the incident which has just happened, still I’m truly happy to see him even if I don’t show him as he would take it as an encouragement on his behavior.

- And what is this surprise for? - I ask him throwing myself on the dark green sofa in the middle of the living room taking good care not to spill my whisky.

- What for? - asks Antonio while thudding himself right next to me followed by Hubertus - We are having a party today! We are celebrating your return to Italy. Then tomorrow you are coming with me to the estate in Tuscany where we are celebrating the birthday of Hubertus. And also that you are starting a new life. - adds he taking a sip of his wine.

I try not to look at him not to let him read my face which would reveal how awful it sounds from the mouth of a sixty-year old that “we are having a party”. Of course that much I will say for him that the old man is in a pretty good shape so chicks dig him which of course just embolden him.

I scan him for any signs of madness. I can detect nothing curious, though. It’s just the brother of my mum, Antonio, who provided me a better role model of a father than the real one.

His fat hand is enlaced around his wineglass. I just realize that I’m his spitting image which I’m so grateful for. I don’t know how I could look in the mirror if I had to see the dark eyes of my father staring back at me from his creole face. Antonio and my mother looked much alike and I took after them. Our dark brown eyes are like living images of each other’s. Our hair has the same shade, although Antonio’s hair has turned completely gay at the temples. The only difference among us is that my chestnut brown hair is wavy as opposed to my mother’s, or my uncle’s.

I’m trying to make some sense of the said. Me, starting a new life? What has got into Antonio? There have never been any signs of him expostulating the life I am leading, what is more. He is an evergreen bachelor himself devoting his life to his profession and hobby. Free as a bird. What’s this thing of us going to Tuscany and starting a new life? Is he fed up with the atmosphere of the city? Maybe with his work?

- So - He starts again as I am still not saying anything. He turns towards me laying his right arm loosely on the back of the sofa while in his left hand dangles the half empty glass. Hubertus is lying between us - Shall we go on the batter tonight? - asks he point-blank.

- What? Are you serious about this?

- Sure. You need some break from work. Otherwise we have been planning to go down to Tuscany for ages.

- I have just got home - I’m trying to sidestep - I would like to have a little rest here and then I will need to work a little.

- Come on Daniel - says he disagreeing - If you were to travel round for the rest of your life, your money would still be enough for just about everything, and Tuscany will be ideal to celebrate the birthday of Hubertus.

- So that’s why you are here? To nag me? Do you really think that I would make such a big thing out of the birthday of a dog? - lied I unemotionally.

Even the very thought of going back to Tuscany gives me the creeps. However, I will not let Antonio see this.

- Who would want to nag you, but it is high time you set the work aside and started focusing on other things.

- Like what? - I am looking at him with honest curiosity meanwhile it is hard to believe that the discussion is taking a direction like this.

- To get married, damn it! I want to live to see this cursed villa filled again with the giggles of children.

I’m totally choked, I’m just staring at Antonio lost for words. I’m sure he has lost it completely. He has never mentioned anything like this before. It has not occurred to me that he was bothered with my family life and was planning my wedding in secret.

As I’m trying to gain my voice back, I shake my head blankly:

- How come...

Yet, Antonio impatiently interrupts me:

- How? I have been waiting till now - he holds his hands up and takes a significant pause - but I just have to do something as you don’t lift a hand! You just live like a king. Life is more than what you are doing now. - snaps he the rest of what he has to say.

I can’t help but giving voice to a laugh at his vehemence.

- Is it? Who would have thought so?

- It is. - It is - he gestures as coming at me.

Hubertus perks up his head and rebukes Antonio by putting his paw on his shoulder rising above him.

- Hubertus, good boy! Protect me from this mad old man - I pat my dog’s shoulder blade which only irritates him further. He starts barking at Antonio in the face.

But then, this giant dog collapses. I reach for him anxiously.

Sometimes I forget to treat him with care and not the way I would treat an ordinary dog. However, this incident helps me to restore my seriousness and staring at Hubertus I just utter the thought the existence of which I have not been aware of:

- The type of woman I am willing to marry would not accept the way of life I can offer. Believe me. - I lay Hubi on the ground and get a sip of my drink then, just like Antonio, I lay my right arm comfortably on the back of the sofa. I have never thought of getting involved in a serious relationship, not to mention a marriage. - I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t have false hopes about this.

- What’s up with Sylvia?

- Oh, come on! - She is the last I would start with!

- Why?

- You exactly know why.

- Of course, of course - I know you have been raised as a sister and brother, yet I must be honest with you, I thought, I mean, I hoped that despite this, there could be something between you two by the time you grow up. She is a pretty woman...nice breasts, and pretty face...

I surely know how nice those breasts are. The thought makes me grin which I must cover up with some cough. 

- She would understand you and the life you lead- sighs Antonio.

- That is for sure, - and I put stress on every single word leaving my mouth, then I take a sip again - she would just understand too much the part of me that I want to get rid of - say I and decide to end this absurd conversation as soon as possible.

- Let’s go and look round in the city. There might be a party at an elderly home - I wink at my uncle insolently and before he could answer I storm to the bathroom to freshen up.

What could be the reason for his strange behavior? - I am wondering while I gain all my energy back in the cool water of the shower. Some bad feeling starts to creep in without any obvious reason. However, I decide to chase it away convincing myself that it has no significance.

Chapter 4 - Hannah

Some fine aroma of coffee is floating to me from the kitchen and it tickles my nose. The black satin sheets gently wrap my naked body. Comforting tranquility sooths my nerves exhausted by the job and also my muscles aching after yesterday’s ride. Images of the polo match and the reception afterwards flash and blend in my mind. In spite of the fairly posh company I had a really good time, nevertheless, I guess I’m not in Rob’s good books after that riding performance yesterday. 

I stretch my limbs and turn towards the window. Half-asleep with my eyes slightly ajar I can make out the sunlight as it’s squashing through the loose laths of the rolling shutter. It paints glittering little grids on the parquet.

The blanket feels cool on my heated skin. Suddenly, I sense some strange move from the other side of the bed. It makes me flinch. What are these noises? I thought I was alone in the bedroom, I must be as I can hear Rob making some coffee in the kitchen.

I slowly turn towards the noise and my blood runs cold at the sight. I pull the blanket swiftly to my neck terrified.

On the edge of the bed there is a man sitting with his uncovered back towards me. It’s like he has just sensed with some inner radar the vibrations of my fear and turns around at a speed of a predator. I can only see his contours in this dim light then, suddenly, I notice his smoldering eyes. I don’t know him that’s for sure. The scream bursting forth is silenced by his looks. I try to run but my body doesn’t respond. It’s like this black silk has turned into a dark swamp around me pulling me under.

The man stands up and towers over me. This way, he seems more robust and even taller than a second ago. He reminds me of a grizzly getting ready for the ultimate fight standing on its hind legs demonstrating his strength.

I’m defeated without a fight lying still, accepting my destiny.

Then, I hear something rustling. Huge black wings are spreading wide behind the man's back filling the whole room. Can this be real? His silhouette is slowly fading away leaving some gaping amorphous darkness behind. I close my eyes and prepare for the worst.

I feel as his strong masculine fingers run beastly through my hair. Even the bare promise of his brawny body feels heavy, but instead of coming down upon me he lifts me in his arms. I sit up together with him on the bed and open my eyes.

My silk blanket just slips under my waist. He holds me tight and I get squeezed against his muscular chest. His enormous wings close up behind me and the feathers caress my skin.

He kisses me.

It’s exactly like him; intensive and overwhelming. So I’m not afraid anymore. If this is death, I’m here with my arms open wide.

I long for his kiss, his touch. The adrenalin running through my veins amplifies my perception, his touch pampers and teases me. I’m back to my old self, it’s not me anymore. Oh yes, this is what I once was; the one teased and attracted by danger. But why is it haunting me now? I have changed, transformed and grown. Today, instead of chasing perils, I am attracted to the soft embrace of safety about men. Or, am I?

I open my eyes to see the smoldering eyes of the angel, but his eyes are closed.

His arms start to feel too tight. I’m trying to loosen my captors trying to push this rock hard chest afar, yet, I’m not able. He’s still kissing my cheeks, my mouth and my neck with his eyes still closed. He’s eager, intense and swift. His hands wandering around my back slide back to my nape holding my head still. My chest is moving gaspingly moving up and down, I’m out of breath. His fingers painfully penetrate the back of my head. Panic draws upon me. A tear farewells my eye then dissolves in our kiss when his fingers become locks around my head reaching my brain sorely. I shrill without a voice then come round breathless.

 The blanket is twisted tight around my sweating body and my silk pillow pushed in my face feels suffocating. A splitting headache is killing me.

I can hardly extricate myself from this tangled sheet and I feel relieved as I sit up in my bed. I manage to calm down and taking a deep breath fills my lungs with oxygen.

Is it fair? Is it fair to wake up on a Sunday morning with a headache?

If we had a late night out yesterday, if we painted the town red with some cocktails, I would say, it might be. Might be. But this way? We were in bed by ten and I didn’t drink much champagne.

And this weird dream...how? My man is a jackpot and everything is just fine between us.

Another attack of pain hits me.

I need my morning coffee, now, and a painkiller.

 

I flounder to the kitchen with my frizzy hair. My doggy, Aura, is assisting Rob with some occasional wag. He’s preparing some bacon for breakfast.

- There you are, treacherous! - say I to Aura. - Your belly is more important than watching me in my sleep? - But I halt realizing what I have just said and guilt approaches me. Who is the treacherous one here? Why is it that my words chosen unconsciously just hit the nail right on the head?

Rob is so sweet buzzing around in the kitchen this early in the morning only to make me a delicious breakfast - OK, it’s not too early, as I just notice it’s already half past nine. How sick I must be to dream with another man while he is being so busy for me? I blame this idiot dream on my migraine. My headaches occur more and more often, I guess, staring at the screen at work doesn’t do me any good.

Rob is breaking the eggs for the scramble eggs. I leap behind him and hug him tight pushing my face into his back inhaling his scent.

- Good morning - He turns towards me getting out of my arms. He pulls me close carefully not to smudge my hair with his sticky hand and lays a gentle kiss on my forehead.

- It smells awesome - say I smiling at him. - What have I done to deserve all this attention? I must know, so I could keep on doing it.

- It’s just that you are here with me - replies he while pouring some coffee.

- You seem to be quite suspicious - I make a remark but a broad smile stretches on my face. Our partner’s compliment makes us happy even if we know that it is a bit far-fetched. For a second it makes me forget about my headache, yet, only for a second as the cramps violently attack again.

What’s wrong? - asks him noticing my agony in pain.

- It’s this migraine again, I just don’t understand - I start rubbing my temple.

- You should go to the doctor.

Just as I’m about to say that I will definitely visit my doctor, I spot something that has been right in front of my eyes all along.

So that’s why all this fuss is about, and he really made me believe that it was just for the sake of being polite. How stupid I am!

- Why are you wearing this white T-shirt that you only use under your shirt at work? - inquire I in spite of the obvious reason.

- Hannah, I must go to work. Could we just accept this without any fight today? I would just like to have a peaceful breakfast time together with my girlfriend. It’s not so hard to do, is it?

But it is! I feel that I have been cheated with all this breakfast which falsely lifted my spirit as now it turns out that Rob intended to buy my all-day loneliness with it. And the way he announces it...as I was some unbearable furious woman. After all this how can he expect me to spend a nice and peaceful breakfast with him?

- Rob, it was really unfair. I mean the things you said. It sounds like I was always fighting with you over nothing. I’m as sick and tired of these continuous arguments lately as you. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that this is the reason for my headaches.

- Maybe, but I can’t do anything about the arguments. Unfortunately, I can’t change my workload, but you could change your attitude about it.

It makes me fly off the handle.

- Your workload is your decision, you decide about how much work you take.

There is no response.

Great, here we go again. The whole tense situation is my fault. No, it’s not his, he is the one who is always working spending no time at home. It’s of course my fault as I dare to complain about it. He’s washing his hands of the matter.

I’m angry, but rather heart-broken.

I’m just staring at the eggs sizzling in the frying pan.

Is it really that hard to tolerate me? Am I being unjust with him?

- It was fun yesterday, wasn’t it? - sais he changing the direction of the conversation - We could spend the whole day together. Why can’t you see that I have to go to work today? Believe me that I’d rather stay at home with you.

I automatically look at Aura who is sniffing in the air without paying any attention to our argument. Rob catches my eye.

- I mean with you two. - sais he correctly.

This was cute...it makes me smile.

The whole situation is so difficult. Who has the truth? I try to be understanding, yet, it’s almost impossible as Rob keeps pushing my boundaries.

True, we spent yesterday together, but it was only because he could take me to this work-related event where he had to appear anyway. Regardless of that I did enjoy myself, so I neither mentioned it nor reproached him for that. Then again, there was no trace of him last week. We only left together in the mornings and that was all. By the time he got home I was already sleeping. Damn it! I miss him. And yes, I do feel lonely and yes, I do feel neglected, too. Of course, he spoils me with piles of presents which would make most women yield to him utterly. I also appreciate them, but instead of all these, I would need his time to hold me in his arms and give me his attention. We could walk Aura in the park together. We could talk, eat some ice-cream. Is just too much to ask for? I need his attention, not his money...

- Yes, it was really good yesterday. - reply I giving up on it as I truly don’t want to get into a fight, or start crying because I was driven to the verge of it. It might sound strange, but I could really get filled with so many good experiences yesterday, that they can be enough for today as well.

I start making some buttered toast after I put the now cold eggs first on a plate then on the table.

- Why don’t you meet up with your friends? - suggests Rob.

It’s clearly an insulting suggestion as he knows it just as well as I do what the case is with the friends. He might be hinting again at the same issue he likes to rub in every now and then saying I am antisocial and there must be something wrong with me not having friends apart from my dog. It always made my blood boil, so just to make sure I think twice before opening my mouth. I. Don’t want. To fight.

- You know I don’t have real friends around here. It’s not because I’m antisocial, it’s simply because I spend most of my time at work where I’m only surrounded by elder women. I have quite a few friends in Hungary with whom I can hang out, but none of them has moved to New York as I have.

I don’t bother to add that none of them could ever replace that intimacy and sense of being together which I receive from him.

With an attempt of diverting our dialogue I ask: - What are you working on today?

- I have plenty of work for today, mostly the monitoring of the diamond mines in Africa. It was expected to be an excellent business opportunity, so I invested 40% of the portfolio they entrusted to me in that. Now, it seems like it was a crazy decision, but at that time it was a sound one. All data and facts were in favor of doing so. Now, however, the shares started plunging.

It sounds pretty scary.

- So now you start selling them?

- With this much loss? I have already lost almost half of the invested amount, I cannot get out now.

- So now, do you have to hold on and wait till the price of the shares start increasing again? If you took out the money now, would you lose? - explain I, yet, it’s rather aimed to myself, not him.

- Yes, this is when you just leave your money there, or even by some more shares at such a low price. Of course you have to have the guts to do it.

- And what if the price doesn’t go up? If the company goes bankrupt?

- This is why I’m going in today to find this all out.

He stands up taking another sip of his coffee.

I continue fiddling with my breakfast feeling ashamed of being so selfish. I couldn’t see beyond my pity because of my headache, and felt sorry for myself having to spend the Sunday alone while Rob is struggling with so heavy burdens.

It’s too bad that in my job there are no challenges at all.

How much better it was back at home, where I received real responsibilities at my previous workplace. If the job I’m doing was more exciting and real, then I might not feel so useless and bored anymore. My busyness would make me tolerate Rob’s pursuit more. Maybe not on Sundays, but as for the workdays, definitely.

Aura scratches my thigh. She seems to be fed up with all the talking when she has still not received a tiny bit.

I give her a bit of egg absently and add:

- I hope you know it’s not right of me feeding you from the table like this. It was the last time.

Unless I knew it was only accidental, my jaw would drop to the floor: Aura blinks at me. Just like she was saying: of course-of course, I see, that was the last time. Then she laughs at me.

I give her an intense look:

- Aura, you can be sure that I keep an eye on you.

She replies with a short, but enthusiastic bark.

A minute later, Rob arrives back to the open-plan kitchen ready for his battle in his Boss suit carrying his Hermés briefcase.

- Have a nice day princess! - says he charmingly.

- Fingers crossed for your work! I hope everything goes well.

I don’t want to hold onto the anger, I’m trying to cope with him leaving me alone again the way like adults do. I keep telling myself how important his job is.

He kisses me on the top of my head and hems disapprovingly:

- Will you please wash your hair? It has the odor of the horses.

I hear as the door closes behind him.

Aura thinks it’s time for her next bite, so she scratches my thigh again.

- What now? You like me despite that I smell like a horse?

I hand her a lean bit of ham attached to my fork. Cesar Millan, “the magnificent vet for dogs” would fall on his own sword if he saw this, but he can’t, so it’s all OK. Basically, no-one sees me all day, so it’s fine, so it’s all the same including my horse-smelling hair. I pull my ponytail forward to smell it.

Disgust and horror hit me at the same time.

I gasp as I realize a black feather caught in my unbrushed hair. I try to brush it off with my hand with disgust as it was some bug. The happenings in the morning made me forget my nightmare, but now it is coming back sharply. How did this feather get in my hair? I have never fallen for any supernatural phenomena. I can’t think of anything else but that this feather must have come from my pillow and got stuck in my hair, yet, it still gives me the creeps.

I manage to convince myself not to behave so ridiculously, I grab the feather and throw it in the bin. I go to the bathroom to brush my hair. My heart is beating furiously as I am searching for other feathers in my hair.

But nothing.

 

 

 

Author's Note

I would love to get some feedback :) THX in advance