Chapter 18

   One of the benefits of Rebecca's schedule was that she didn't have to worry about classes on Friday. When
she woke up in the morning she had her pajamas on and she decided to head off early in the morning to see if she
could grab the first bit of the breakfast they served in the school cafeteria. They started to serve breakfast at
6:30a on the weekdays and she planned to take advantage of it while there would still be a good chance that she
would be one of the first people up that early to get something to eat.
Unfortunately by the time she got there at 7:08a there was already a line of students out the door that
had the same idea as her. Most of the good food had been taken already leaving the obviously imitation gravy and
those artificial eggs that come out of the carton there with some plastic and hard looking pancakes. There were
some other options but none of them looked too appetizing to her and especially to start off her day in the
morning.

   It was at that point she figured her best bet would be to see if she could get anything better downtown in
one of the many restaurants that littered the streets around the campus. She spotted a little coffee shop just right
next to campus and she figured if nothing else that maybe she could at least grab a doughnut or a muffin and some
hot chocolate or even some chai tea from the store before she headed back to campus.
As she began to get nearer to the actual shop she could see Mrs. Carrington walking from the opposite
side of the street. When she saw Rebecca Mrs. Carrington turned and said, "It looks like we got the same idea. I
have to admit I have been working here for 12 years and I don't think I will ever get used to what that cafeteria
tries to pass off as food. 

    Rebecca smiled and laughed at the remark as she began to appreciate Mrs. Carrington even more. Mrs.
Carrington opened the door for Rebecca and asked her if she didn't mind sitting with her for a bit and keeping an
old lady company. 
Rebecca was glad to have someone to eat with considering the only friend she had at the moment was
Alice but she was appreciated how wonderfully calm and comfortable she felt around Mrs. Carrington. She
automatically felt a connection with her that she didn't form very quickly with others. 
Her usual response to people trying to get close to her was to ball up and to only allow so much to get in
because she was always afraid in the back of her mind that if she truly shared herself completely with anybody
they would simply reject her and would ultimately end up hurting her in the long run.

  Rebecca's only real experience with people in middle school and even up into high school was mostly one
of isolation and rejection as she was picked on for most of her life growing up and never had a true friend that she
could depend on. A lot of times she would find herself looking at some of the things that people would do to each
other or even to her and she would wonder if people really were as civilized or humane as we try to pretend to be.
But somehow with Mrs. Carrington it was as if all of those walls and barriers and blocks she came up with
to keep people out just left out of the window and Rebecca found herself wanting to open in more ways than she
had ever experienced with any other human being in her life. Even though it had only been 3 days since she had
officially met Mrs. Carrington somehow she felt very familiar as if she had known her for an eternity and they were
old friends that were meeting up again after a long time of not seeing each other. 

   When they entered the coffee shop Rebecca was relieved to see that there wasn't much of a line at all.
Not only was the line very short compared to the one at the cafeteria she could smell the aroma of the different
coffees and pastries and donuts and different types of bread and fruit that they had on display at the shop. The
whole store smelled amazing as the mix of freshly brewed coffee and everything in the store just blended together
in a wonderful mix of smells that almost intoxicated her as she walked in the door
She was also impressed by how clean and organized the coffee shop was. On the outside of the shop it
was a white building with orange trim that had the sign Stanford's Coffee Shop on the front and side of the
building. The sign itself was made out of wood in the shape of an oval with green trim and Stanford Coffee Shop in
bright purple letters. There was only an oval glass window that was attached inside the front door and when she
walked inside she could see the floor was made of very beautifully done oak that shined to near perfection in a
golden orange hue that offset the rest of the shop very nicely.

   She could see that there were stools and tables that were placed along the bar area that was to the side
and in the middle of the coffee shop as well. The stools had white bodies with red seats and the tables were made
from wood as well and had a shiny white coat on their bodies with a bright red finish up the tops of the tables
themselves with 4 stools placed around them. The bar area had a row of stools to the back of the store with a
green wooden piece of wood that was used as a place for people to sit and to eat or to sit with their books or
backpacks placed up against the wall as people were studying and reading at the back of the bar with their
different books placed on top of the green piece of wood. 

  On the left was the actual register that had a glass case that slanted at about a 45% degree angle that was
wood as well and was bright orange that was the same color as the trim on the building. There were neat lines of 4
different types of muffins, an assortment of donuts and pastries and even some of those nutrigrain bars that they
used to sell in boxes or singularly at vending machines when she still lived in Texas as well as bananas, apples,
oranges, and even peaches. Up above the register and hanging from the ceiling there was a list of the different
items they had in the store and their different prices of the items. She could also see that they didn't just sell
coffee. They had hot chocolate, chai tea as well as a whole section devoted to the different types of tea you could
get. They had several types of smoothies and even a type of tea that had brown balls in them that she had never
seen before. 

  She instantly fell in love with the place and was equally as happy to have run into Mrs. Carrington as well.
When they finally arrived at the register Mrs. Carrington turned to Rebecca and asked if she didn't mind if she
went ahead and paid for whatever she wanted. Not knowing what else to get Rebecca went ahead and ordered the
peppermint hot chocolate that she saw on the menu above her. She had never had one before but it seemed cheap
enough and it was the first thing that came to her mind. Mrs. Carrington just smiled at her and she told Rebecca
that was her favorite to get as well but if she was going to get that she could always just get something else for
herself. When Rebecca saw the way they made it she was in awe at not only how quickly they were able to make it
but how beautiful the design of the whip cream on the top. If that wasn't enough to make it that much more
awesome they threw on some chocolate chips to add a little extra sweetness. 

   Mrs. Carrington must have seen the look on her face because she just smiled and said, "You have never
had one of those before have you? Rebecca just shook her head no and kept looking at it in wide eyed awe and
amazement as they handed it to her. When she finally took a sip she thought she must have died and gone to
heaven. It was good beyond comparison. She had never had anything quite so good in her life. It had just the right
blend of chocolate yet it was creamy and still felt like she was drinking hot chocolate. There was a touch of
cinnamon with a splash of peppermint just enough to know it's there but not enough to overpower the drink itself
and the whip cream was the perfect combination to offer that cooling effect to counter the heat of the hot
chocolate but also added a creamy consistency that she really enjoyed and the chocolate chips just melted right in
with the hot chocolate as she drank it.

   She could easily see herself becoming addicted to these very quickly so she figured she should probably
make this an every once in a while type of thing when she needed a little pick me up for the day. She instantly
thanked her and gave her a big hug as she they began to sit down for a bit at one of the tables to the other side of
the building. Mrs. Carrington had ordered herself a caramel latte that looked just as good. She reminded herself
that the next time she came she would have to try that one as well. As Mrs. Carrington was taking a sip of her
latte Rebecca again thanked her for getting the peppermint hot chocolate for her and asked Mrs. Carrington how
she had become a teacher at Stanford. 
She looked at Rebecca with her warm and motherly smile and replied," Now that is the million dollar
question now isn't it. To be honest there was a point when I wasn't sure that I wanted to be a teacher at all. I
originally wanted to be a writer. I had even written a couple of books before I became a teacher here that had
actually gotten quite a bit of attention within the other scholarly writing communities. Teaching was the last thing
on my mind. I was also still taking care of my 17 year old son at the time and I knew that I needed to get him
ready to begin going to school and preparing for college instead of teaching at a college myself full time."

  "I was sure that it would just be another boring job that I would have to do to get by and I would hate
every day of it. It's amazing now looking back just how much I have been able to truly help and inspire my students
over the years and how many of my students have been able to help and inspire me. I have found that there is
more to life than what we see in front of our faces when we look at a book or look at a literary piece of work we
can see all of this complexity, beauty, and hidden meanings that can flow through a very well written book by our
favorite authors and I used to spend so much of my time in books and fantasy lands growing up I had lost sight of
the richness and complexity of reality and real people's stories as well."

  "It was ultimately through teaching that I was able to learn my biggest life lessons that I had never had to
deal with previously. I even began to truly see my son in new and complex ways as well. Don't get me wrong. He
has always been a good kid and pretty easy to get along with, but I think in a lot of ways I had taken him for
granted. He was there and I fed him and clothed and did all the things mothers are supposed to do for their sons
when the father isn't around, but I was so wrapped up in my stories and my own literary worlds and books that I
had forgotten and taken for granted the truly complex and wonderful story that was my son. I had lost focus of the
good things I had right in front of my face all along and I had lost sight of reality but it was through teaching that I
was eventually able to figure these things out.

  "My son is grown and has a family of his own now and I am officially a grandmother of two, but it’s
amazing to see the wonderful man my son has grown up to be and I feel like I would have missed out on realizing
that if I hadn't taken the position. I have to admit I usually don't discuss these types of things with my students or
even with the other teachers but somehow I feel like I can tell you these things and you will understand. I feel
very comfortable around you like and in some ways I feel we are kindred souls and even though I have quite a bit
of years on you I think we are similar in a lot of ways."
When Rebecca heard her say this her face lit up and she just began to shake her head very fast and say
"Me too. That's amazing. I was feeling the same way as well. I am so glad that you said it first because I didn't want
to sound weird but I feel in a lot of ways I wish I had you when I was younger in high school but I am so happy that
I am getting the chance to meet you here. I appreciate you so much you don't even know and up to this point I had
given up on most people but you give me hope that there are actually still genuinely good people out there."

  "You are right though. I spent a lot of my childhood being picked on and alienated by my other students
for being bigger but for also being the smart kid. It became a part of my identity and a part of who I was and I felt
that if I could prove to myself that I was smarter and better than the other people that were picking on me than I
could feel better about myself in the long run. I often would use books as a way to escape and to leave reality and
some of my good books really did become like old friends that I would read over again if I as feeling down or if I
was looking for a good escape or even just something to do to pass the time."

   '"Ultimately it was very lonely and isolating as well because I knew that I wanted to e able to have those
connections or those best friends or those people that I could actually go and do things with but at the same time
whenever I would try to reach out to someone more often than not all they really wanted from me was to see if I
could help them with their homework or see if I didn't mind letting them peek off of my test when I was done. I
had gotten so used to having to shield and numb myself from all of the abuse and rejection that I received at home
by my father and from my mother as well that I had learned to numb and shield myself from everybody and never
really letting anyone get close enough to hurt me again."

  "I feel like when I am with you even now there is this sense that I get that I can truly allow myself to feel
and to let go and be completely real and be myself and you have already taught me so much even within the first
couple of days here I have learned so much about myself and who I am and who I want to be from you and from
your story as well. You said you were able to learn your biggest life lessons as a teacher in this college. I believe I
am learning through you and through the experiences that I am having since I've been here to help learn these
lessons that I need to learn as well. I can already feel myself growing and changing into the person I have always
wanted to be and the person I want the world to see me as."

   "I know that has been in big part to you and I am so grateful to have met you." As Rebecca was saying this
Mrs. Carrington began to smile and get a tear in her eye as she wiped it away with her thumb before reaching over
the table and giving Rebecca a big hug. As she pulled away she looked directly at her with those intense yet
calming eyes of hers she said "You don't even know how much it means for me to hear. I had gotten into a rut for a
while wondering if I really was making a difference to anybody by teaching English of all subjects but it truly
makes me happy to know that I have made a difference in yours. You have definitely made a difference in mine as
well. Keep telling your beautiful story to anyone who will hear and listen. Never be ashamed of who you are and
where you came from. You are beautiful and unique and I know you will make Stanford proud someday."

   With that said Mrs. Carrington looked at her watch and said that she had to leave because she had
another class to get to but that she was looking forward to talking to Rebecca some more in the future. As she
walked out of the door Rebecca couldn't help but feel this warm, positive, and tingly feeling over her entire body.
She felt so good at that moment that she couldn't begin to describe the feeling that was going through her. She
wondered if that is what love felt like and she decided that she truly did love Mrs. Carrington. She didn't really
know any other way to describe it but what she did know was that she was glad that she had decided to come to
Stanford after all and all of her fears and doubts about being there disappeared as the wave of contentment and
peace continued to roll over and into her heart.