Chapter 16

   As she laid into bed she started thinking about her mom and her dad and the church and about everyone
who had ever picked on her or anyone who had ostracized her and put her down and there was a point when she
felt that darkness begin to creep in but at that moment she started to realize that everything she had to go
through had brought here today and even as bad as things were at first, she got this feeling that things would be
better from here on. She found herself actually looking forward to the next day of classes as she went to sleep.
 

   When Rebecca woke up the next morning it was a bright and sunny day. Their dorm room faced the inner
quad so she would always be facing the rising sun as it came into the window. She noticed two things right away.
One was that all of the alcohol bottles had been removed from the room and the second was that her roommate
Ashley had already left. Rebecca just figured that Ashley had actually made an effort to clean up the room before
she left for her first classes. She was happy that she didn't have to worry about dealing with Ashley first thing in 
The morning or having to clean up her mess afterwards.  
As she looked out the window she just couldn't help but be in awe at the beauty of the new day. It was
almost as if the entire first day of school had been washed away. She could see the pink neon colors that were
coming from the sun that were beginning to turn from orange to blue as the sun began to peak out from its bed.
She felt this rejuvenating energy and spirit as if the sun itself were filling her with golden liquid energy and
warmth.   

   From her window; Rebecca could look down and see the people that were beginning to race to their
classes here and there. She wondered where they all had come from and if they might have hidden secrets and
stories to tell and if she might get the chance to meet them at some point while she was at Stanford. The one
thing that Rebecca wanted more than anything was to leave her mark on this school and prove not only to herself
but to everyone else she met that she was a confident and intelligent woman and that she could do anything she
set her mind to.  
As she began to step away from the window and put her clothes on for the day, she couldn't help but feel
a new found optimism for the day to come. She knew that she to take English 105 from 10a till 12p and Business
Statistics from 2p till 4p. Because of the AP classes she took in high school years and because of her scores for her
SATs she had tested out of beginning English and intermediate math.  

   Even with that said she was actually happy to be starting off her day with an English class. She had always
love reading and writing at a very young age and though she could easily pass any math class or math quiz she got
throughout her schooling she had always loved her English classes the most. She enjoyed reading for the sake of
reading and some of her favorite books were introduced to her in her high school English class.   
When she got her books ready for the day, she was able to leave for class and get to her first class with 10
minutes to spare. She was able to pick a seat in the middle and to the front and when Rebecca got to class the
teacher was already in the classroom writing her name on the chalkboard for her new students. Somehow Rebecca
already knew she was going to like this teacher. 

  She had on a pair of horned rimmed glasses that reminded her of the glasses the teacher wore from the
Magic School Bus except they were a salmon pink instead of bright orange. She was tall and stood about 5' 10' but
she was lanky and skinny for her height and she had grey hair that was mixed in with the black that was still
remaining. She had olive colored skin and seemed to have some French or maybe Italian features but it was hard
to tell for sure.   
The one thing that stood out the most to Rebecca was her smile. It seemed to go from ear to ear and
even though her hair was grey and her hands were worn and wrinkled she had these amazingly bright and white
eyes and almost bright and glowing teeth to match. She had this light and calm demeanor to her that Rebecca was
automatically drawn to and she could tell right away that she was going to enjoy this class while at the same time
she was counting her blessings that not all college professors were as tough and mean as her first teacher the
other day.  

   When the teacher had seen that enough students had come into the class at about 10:05 she began to
introduce herself to the class by saying, "My name is Mrs. Carrington and I have been a teacher here for 12 years
now. Every new class is a new experience and a new chance for me to learn new people and to learn all of your
new faces. Everyone has their own unique stories and history that we all play out so in our own way English and
writing is a way to convey our stories to each other so that we may all share in each other’s common stories and
goals.  
 

   The goal of the class is not only to introduce you to some of the more recent and obscure writers that you
are probably not familiar growing up with, but to also introduce you to yourselves as you write and share writing
assignments with each other we will become the authors of our own stories as we begin to navigate each other’s
personal literature together. As it is your first class with me, I don't expect you to read or do any homework. I will
pass out the syllabus for our next class. You are free to go."  
The look of astonishment and disbelief of the students made her laugh as they began to wonder if she
really meant it or not but slowly but surely the students began to leave class and one of them even ran out of class
kicking their heels as they went and shouted yahoo as they left. When Rebecca was about to leave Mrs. Carrington

called her up to the front of the class while the other students left and asked her where she had come from.   

   Rebecca replied by saying, " I came from Texas. I was actually born in Tyler and lived there for all of my
life before I moved out to California to come to Stanford. To be perfectly honest I didn't even think I would get in
when I first applied but now that I am here I am still trying to find where I am supposed to be. There are a lot of
things that are making me think I might have made the wrong decision and I am just a backwater Texas girl in over
my head but there are some things that let me know that I might be right about coming here."  
Mrs. Carrington looked Rebecca straight in the eyes with these wisdom and grace that seems to only come
with age as she said very lovingly," Rebecca. There is one thing you should never do. Never doubt your own story
and your own worth. We are all here for a reason. Every single one of my students has their own story and their
own reasons for being here just like you have yours. Even if it seems like things are crazy in the beginning just
stick it out and keep strong and I believe you will prove to us all your story is worth telling."  

   With that she gave Rebecca a big and warm hug and a kiss on the cheek and sent her on her way as she
began to erase her name off the board in preparation for the next teacher to come to class. In that moment she
felt like her whole world was spinning. There was this unknown sense of peace and calm and understanding that
Rebecca had never felt before. It was like all of her guards that she had put up to shield herself against people fell
down in one instant and she felt herself truly feel alive and a sense of acceptance of what she had been through
and what she still had to do to finish strong.  

  There was a part of Rebecca that wanted to prove Mrs. Carrington right and wanted to stand out and tell
her own story and break the mold. She knew that in order to do to accomplish her goals and to leave her mark she
would have to stop doubting herself and stop doubting her own worth and her own place here at Stanford. She
realized she had been second guessing herself the whole entire time she had gotten here. Rebecca knew that if
she was truly going to change and have people see her as a confident and intelligent and capable young woman she
would have to start seeing it for herself.  

   As Rebecca was going beginning to walk around the campus before her next class came she walked into
the very last person she ever wanted to run into. She could see Ashley walking up the opposite side of the walkway
as she was beginning to make her way to the other side of the campus to see if she could sit in the computer lab
for a while until her next class started at 2. Just as soon as Ashley noticed Rebecca walking down the path she
turned and gave a nasty look to Rebecca that might have killed a king cobra in its step.    
When she was walking past the first thing out of Ashley's mouth was," Don't you dare say a word about our
little party last night to anyone or so help me I will personally make sure to make the rest of your stay in our dorm
room a living hell. The last thing you want is to start off on the wrong foot with me because I think you will find
that I am not one to be messed with even if you did come from Texas."   

    Rebecca just looked right back at Ashley and replied," The last time I remembered it wasn't our party.
You very hastily let it be known that you didn't want me there in the first place so don't start adding me into the
equation when it is convenient for you.  
 Not to mention I think you have it backwards little miss California. It is you who doesn't want to mess with
me. Especially considering you are only 18 like me and the college has very strict rules about under aged drinking
in the dorms and I have more than enough evidence and proof to show that it was you who threw the party and it
was you who was passed and drunk with a beer in your hand the next morning so if I were you I would play nice
because I don't think you quite realize who you are messing with either.   

   There is a saying in Texas that says the door swings both ways little miss and just as you can make things
a hell for me I can make them twice as bad for you so I suggest you cut the valley girl B.S. and get off your high
horse and start playing nice or else you will find out that the last person you want to mess with as a pissed off
Texan.   
With that Rebecca stormed off to the computer lab but even though she knew she was supposed to be
angry she actually found herself having to laugh to herself at the absurdity of the encounter but there was also a
part of her that was happy she had gotten the chance to stand up for herself and to put Ashley in her place. Before
in high school she had met girls like Ashley who had picked on her because of her weight and would tease her
mercilessly in general whenever they would see her.  

   Rebecca's old defense was to ball up and just take it because she never wanted to say anything that might
just make them not like her even more. She used to let them outright abuse her but she was always afraid to say
or to do anything about it. Somehow it felt very liberating to know that she was able to stand her ground against
someone who might have otherwise tormented her in high school and she probably would have accepted and
allowed it. Now she found this new found strength and confidence she had never found before.  
What surprised her even more was just how much of a blur the rest of the day went. It was like the whole
day just collapsed before her eyes. She went to her statistics class at 2p just to find out that the teacher was sick
and would see them the next class on Thursday. She didn't know whether to take it as a good thing because it
meant she would get out early or to take it as a bad thing because it meant she had to wait to find out the class
was cancelled instead of just being able to go straight home back to her dorm room. 
 

 

    When she got back, she began to really think about everything that had transpired within the last two
days and she could say that even though things were crazy to begin with, she had this over all sense that things
were going to be ok and she was meant to be there. Luckily Ashley wasn't in the room when she got back but there
was something that had been bothering her since she had gotten there.  
There was still a piece of Rebecca that missed her mom and wondered if she had done the right thing by
leaving her mom by herself and so far away. She wondered if she was being selfish by moving so far to a place she
had never seen or been to and leave her mom alone in their house without anyone to be there with her. She
actually remembered that even though things were strained in the beginning when her father was still alive after
he had passed away they had actually started to become really close just before she left for college.  

   She was beginning to doubt if she should really be there at all instead of being there closer to help and to
take of her mom. Just then she got a message in her email that was from her mom. Her email contained a letter
that said, "Dear Rebecca. I love you. I am so proud of you and the wonderful woman you are becoming and that
you have already become. I know you will do well so make sure to stay strong for the both of us. Make Tyler proud
too. Take care of yourself and don't forget to write your mom every once in a while."   
When Rebecca finished reading the letter she wanted to cry but she knew she would have to be strong
from now on if she wanted to make her mom proud and prove to her that she had made the right decision by
allowing her daughter to move so far to a place she had never seen or had even knew existed. More than anything
else she wanted to make herself proud in knowing she could change and grow and get stronger every day.   

  She knew at that moment that no matter what happened from now on she wouldn't quite until her goals
were achieved. As she was writing her mom back before she went to bed she found herself laughing into her bed as
she thought back about everything that had happened to lead her here. Rebecca knew that somehow she was
exactly where she needed to be.