Chapter 15

    The very next day after orientation was the beginning of the first day of school. Rebecca was positively
beaming at the idea of getting started with her courses. She had decided to get a degree in Pre-Law and she knew
that Stanford had one of the best programs in the world. She was equally excited to see that her roommate Ashley
wasn't in her first class of the day but she was also equally upset to see that her and Alice didn't have any classes
together either. All Rebecca knew was that she had never seen so many people in one place at one time, especially
not coming from Tyler, Texas.  

    What also amazed her was just how many different races and even age groups of people were there in her
first class of the day. She almost relished the idea of getting to know them and find out their stories and find where
they had been in life and what brought them here. She knew already that this was going to be an incredible and
awesome experience that she would have never gotten the chance to experience if she had stayed in Tyler.  
 She knew in the back of her mind that part of the reason she joined the Pre-Law program was so that she
could be a social advocate for women and children in abusive living situations, but the ulterior motive behind her
wanting to join the program at Stanford was because she knew it was one of the hardest programs at the school and
she knew that if she could do well there she would truly be able to prove herself to her mom, all the people in Tyler
in her community and church who never stood up for her or her mother , and even prove herself to her dad.  

    Even though her father had passed away many years ago there was a still a part of her that resented and
hated her father and she resented and hated anybody who abused their family for any reason. Rebecca saw it as
something that was unforgivable and should be punishable and brought to light instead of hidden under the rug and
just accepted like it generally is. She wanted to prove them wrong and especially prove to everyone that she had the
intelligence and the fortitude to take on the hardest program Stanford had to offer and still end up with honors. 
 Her overall goal was to see if she could graduate as a valedictorian but she would have sufficed to be on the
honor roll. More importantly, she wanted to prove she just wasn't another statistic and that she wouldn't allow her
situation to dominate her life but she also wanted to help other women as well face their husbands or abusers with
strength and teach that they don't have to take it and they don't have to be another statistic as well.  

   It was on her first day of school that she would find out just how tough her classes would really be. Her
professor for the day was named Professor Haraday. Upon her entering the room he began by saying," This is a
college level class. If you are not ready for college level courses than you should seriously think about quitting now
and saving yourselves the hassle and the money it took you to get here. To be perfectly honest my last quarter 85%
of my students got a C or lower and I don't expect this group to do any better. Please prove me wrong. The first
thing you will realize about me and my class is that I like order and respect. If I do not get either one of those I
have no problem failing you on the spot. We are going to be going over the beginning of law as a practice into
modern day times. Your first assignment will be a 250 word essay talking about why you came to Stanford in the
first place and it will be due for the next class. I expect this paper to be in MLA format. If you do not comply you
will find how easily I can give a zero if someone doesn't follow the rules of my class." 

   Upon hearing this that the whole class broke out in a communal groan and one student even picked up her
bags and left. Ironically enough Rebecca got the feeling that they would become good friends. When the class
began to quiet down again she was actually smiling. She knew it would be no problem for her to write about the
reason why she was here. She almost couldn't wait to show the teacher how well she could not only type in correct
MLA format, but there was a part of her that always wanted to go far and above what her teachers expected of
her even in grade school. 

  When she got back to her dorm room to type up her paper unfortunately she found a different scene than
what she was expecting. She had left her computer on the desk in her room so she could easily go and type and
save whatever she needed for her classes and then print them out in the actual computer lab. When she got there
she heard a loud noise and music coming from her room. When she knocked on the door, Ashley answered and with
a dirty look on her face said, "What do you want?" 
Rebecca could already peek in and see the Ashley had a party going on in the dorm room. She could see
that there were people there that were crunched in the relatively small dorm room and there were people there
that were in various degrees of intoxication. The smell of alcohol coming from the room was so thick that it almost
made Rebecca sick to her stomach. One of the guys that was already in the room looked at Rebecca and offered
her a beer in his hand and with a playful smirk and almost falling off the bed replied.

  "You should join the party. There is enough room for everybody. With an almost venomous look Ashley turned
toward him and with a fake smile toward Rebecca she responded, "She was just leaving. I am sure she can find fun
someplace else." With a rejected look on his face he continued to drink his beer as Ashley proceeded to shut the
door in her face.  
Rebecca was already cursing her luck because she knew that unless she could actually get into her room
she wouldn't be able to type up her paper without having to go to the campus computer room in the library which
was already half way across campus to begin with. Not to mention the computer room was always notorious for
being completely full at any given time of day. She decided that she might try and risk the journey on the hope
that she would actually find an open computer.
 

   It was already 95 degrees outside and it was a notoriously hot august day. By the time she made the 30
minute journey across campus to the computer room she was already sweating and breathing heavy from crossing
campus and climbing the stairs. At least there were a group of computers that were actually free and she almost
did a little skip at the fact that she would actually get a break in luck. It only took her about 45 minutes to finish
typing and printing out the paper and she almost felt a sense of accomplishment not only at her paper but how
much she had to go through to write the paper in the first place. 

   When she got back to her dorm room she could see that Ashley and her party had moved on but not before leaving
the trash can completely turned over with the trash in it and empty and half empty beer bottles and different
types of alcohol containers on the floor and strewn all across the room. She had always had a high sensitivity to
alcohol and even the smell could be enough to make her sick 
She never understood how people could do that to the point of getting sick or barely being able to stand
or even reacting out of anger or doing something you would regret in general because of alcohol. Rebecca was still
internalizing a lot of feelings of her father and alcohol was one of her emotional triggers. More often than not
when her father would come towards her to abuse or to attack her he usually had the smell of alcohol on his
breathe which forever left its mark in Rebecca's mind. 

   Sitting there by herself surrounded by alcohol and all of the different containers and absorbing the smell
of it she found herself beginning to get a horrible headache and she was feeling light headed in general. Even
though she hadn't eaten anything yet her stomach felt queasy to the point of almost wanting to throw up. It took
all of her strength and power not to just collapse out of room as she stumbled and tried to find her breathe and
her sanity. 
It was at that point that Alice passed by in some red fox pajamas with little fox shaped heads on the feet
of them and took one look at Rebecca and said," You don't look so good. Are you ok? Have you eaten yet? If you
want I was heading on my way to get something to eat anyway. If you want we can head off together? I haven't
eaten yet either". 

   With a grace and a strength Alice lifted Rebecca off the ground and with an almost playful grin she
replied" You must have had a pretty rough first day? Rebecca responded by saying, "You have no idea." Almost
crossing her hands in the symbol of the cross and looking up and making a praying symbol with her hands. She was
happy for the little bit of luck after such a long day of nothing but grief and she was counting her blessings as her

and Alice went into the dining hall together. 

    When they finally got to the dining hall, Rebecca felt a sudden sense of release come over her. It was as
if the entire day had just washed from her mind and from her memories all together. She wanted to make sense of
everything that had happened that day. It was almost as if everything that could have gone wrong had gone
epically wrong before her eyes. She had wanted her first day to be perfect and for her to get a good start for the
year but instead she found herself wondering if she had made the right choice in coming to Stanford in the first
place. Even with all of the racing thoughts and doubts and sense of loss and confusion that were going through
Rebecca's mind at that moment, there was a peace and a calm acceptance of what had transpired earlier that day.

    She looked at Alice as she was being led into the dining hall by her mighty little friend and she couldn't help but
say," Alice, I just want you to know that I truly appreciate everything you have done for me. I don't think you know
just how much having someone like you around truly does help me to get through the day. I am so used to being
picked on and abused and having everything go tragically wrong in my life that you are the first bit of good I have
seen in anybody or anything in a long time. You have this calming ability on me that I have never felt with any one
before and even though we have just barely met each other there is a part of me that already knows that I love
you and I would do anything for you if you ever needed just let me know and I will be there for you too. We have
to watch out for each other from now on." 

   It was at that point that Rebecca began to cry uncontrollably and she didn't even know why. She hadn't
cried for anything in the longest time and she was never to type just to cry out of nowhere. At that point her and
Alice were still standing in line to get their food and every one was just look and staring at Rebecca as she sat and
buried her face in her hands and just wept until her whole body was beginning to hurt from the exertion of crying
itself. Rebecca wanted to stop and didn't want to make any more of a scene than she was making but as much as
she tried she just couldn't force herself to stop crying. 

  Alice just smiled with her angelic and childlike grace and shook her head and looked at Rebecca with her
bright green and sympathetic eyes and her luminous red hair all over her head as she put her hands on her hips and
laughed as she looked into Rebecca's eyes and replied," What am I going to do with you Miss Rebecca. You are
going to embarrass the both of us. Come now and don't worry. I have got you and don't worry about thanking me.
It’s my pleasure. I have to admit I grew a fondness to you the first time we officially met when we were putting an
Ashley in her place so don't worry about it. That’s what friends or for right? Have you never had a friend growing
up?  

   Sadly looking back at her 18 years of life; Rebecca had realized that she had never once had a true friend
in her life. Between her mother being emotionally unavailable growing up and between the abuse of her father
and always being the butt of jokes and torment in school wherever she went, she could sadly say that she never
had a real true friend. As Rebecca was searching her heart, she knew there was an inner part of her that had
always wanted a friend or someplace or someone to belong to. She had spent so much time expecting people to let
her down or pick on her or had gotten so used to things always going from bad to worst that she never really knew
what it was like to receive that kindness and peace from someone without them wanting something in return and
neglecting her later. 

   When she looked at Alice again she said," I think you truly are my first true friend. I don't think I have met
anybody like you ever. I didn't know that people like you existed anymore and I sure didn't think that I would meet
someone who could just make me feel that calm and yet bring out everything I have ever felt at the same time.
How do you do that? No one has been able to do that for me. I am starting to think you might be my guardian angel
put here in human form to watch over me." 
At that comment Alice really started to burst into laughter and said with a playful tone," Well wouldn't
that be nice for the both of us but unfortunately I think it’s pretty safe to say that I am definitely no angel Miss
Rebecca. Having a pair of angel wings sure would come in handy but I don't have any of those either. What I do
have is love and when you have love in your heart the darkness has a hard time getting in and you can share that
love with others as well" 

  Alice's face took on a more serious note as she looked Rebecca dead in her eyes and said," I wasn't always
this bright miss Rebecca. There was a time in my life when things were pretty dark and I was lost for a long time. I
didn't exactly have the best of upbringing myself and let's just leave it at that, but what I can say is that it wasn't
until I got that love inside of myself that I could begin to get out of the dark. Light always replaces darkness light
so the more you love and the more you have love in your heart for others the more the darkness is chased away by
the light and love.  

   Rebecca just stared back at Alice. Somehow in her mind she had always thought that Alice had come from
a loving ad kind family and that she had never had to worry about a thing in the world. Rebecca was beginning to
realize that Alice had more in common than she could have imagined. She felt herself wondering just what Alice
must have went through in her life as well and at that point Rebecca began to feel guilty for not seeing it sooner
and for supposing that her problems and issues were bigger than Alice's when she had never asked or just assumed
that Alice was always bright and sunny from the start. 

  When Alice could sense what was going through Rebecca's head she said," Don't worry about it Miss
Rebecca. You don't have to worry about a thing. I usually don't tell many people that didn't know me from back
then or how bad it used to be but I felt like you would understand. I wanted to give you something that you might
be able to take with you. We are more alike than you think and I believe we are more connected than I think
either one of us realizes at this point I truly feel like this is just the start of something bigger than the both of us. I
am looking forward to seeing where it takes us if you are? 
 

   As they were finishing up the last of their food Rebecca replied," I think I am too. I think I felt that from
the moment I first saw you. It was like this unspoken connection that I haven't felt for anyone ever. I truly believe
we were meant to meet each other and I truly believe we were both sent to meet each other here for a purpose. I
don't quite know what it is, but I get the feeling that we were both meant for something bigger and we will help
each other get there. I just know it in my heart. I have never felt anything else so sure and absolute in my life." 
When they were in the process of taking their food and throwing it away, just before they were about to
leave for their separate dorm rooms Alice turned to Rebecca and said," I am glad we met. You don't know how
much you mean to me as well. You make me happy in your own way and I know we will stay friends for a long
time. I have a lot of love for you Miss Rebecca and don't you ever forget it." 

   As Rebecca was going into her dorm room she just couldn’t help but look back at the day and think to
herself that this was going to be the start of something wonderful. She felt this glowing radiance of love and
energy that was flowing from her heart. She knew what it was like to have a panic attack but this was completely
different. It was like it was this love and light inside of her that was burning the troubles of the day away and she
felt this sense of serenity that she could only describe as feeling completely relaxed and at one with herself while
at the same time energized 

   She wondered if this was the love that Alice was talking about and she was beginning to suspect that Alice
had sent or transferred some of her love and energy to her somehow or some way. All she knew in that moment
was that she had never felt so alive and so loved in her entire life. As she walked into her room her roommate
Ashley was already passed out in the bed with the alcohol bottles still in her hand and still all over the floor and
the room as well. When she walked in she just shrugged her shoulders and thought to herself," Well at least if she
is passed out I don't have to worry about hearing her mouth when I am trying to sleep.