Chapter 4

     He had worked for one of the local stockyards in the area and did small construction work here and there wherever he could find it. He was a drunk and had an extremely bad temper. She literally saw him as a monster growing up and even though her mother cried when her father passed there was a part of her that was actually smiling. What she wasn't aware of was just how much his father and the way he was brought up had a lot to do with the abuse that she received at the hands of her father. If she had known she might have understood and not grew up so bitter and confused at why her father felt the need to lash out angrily verbally and physically at her and her mom.    

    When he was younger his father used to take him out back and beat him until he was raw. Rebecca learned to fear her grandfather very early. She could feel and sense the evil and mean spirited nature that was in him but more importantly she could see it in her dad as well. He was a mean spiteful man who took out his anger and frustration on his wife and on his kids as well. He could shoot you a venomous look from across the room that could stop you in your tracks. The day her grandfather came and left when Rebecca wasalready a year old left a mark on Rebecca as well as Richard.   

    He particularly liked to take out his anger and frustration out on Richard. Even at a young age, Richard's father had anger issues growing up. He had an issue keeping up his grades in school he would often find reasons to say or do nasty things to the other children in his class and even to his other brothers and sister. He especially had a deep seated hatred toward Richard. It showed in everything he said or did. He used to call him his little whipping boy or his whipping post and would frequently find reasons to
punish Richard for no reason other than to have a reason to beat him.

   His father carried a lot of anger and resentment toward Richard because his mother had been sick when Richard was being born and she almost passed away during the delivery. He was always a hateful and angry person and Richard became the focus of all of his hate and anger even at the moment of his birth.  When Richard was delivered the doctor asked, "What do you want to name your son?" His father just looked at Richard with this cold and hateful glare and said, "Hell if I care. Ask her. I am leaving.” With that his
father stormed out of the room and didn't even look back.

   At that point his mother looked at him and she began to smile and say, “You are my miracle baby. I might have died, but I am still alive. Don't listen to your father. He was just scared that he might lose me. He isn't actually angry at you." She looked at the doctor and said, “I think I want to name him Richard after my father. Richard seems like a good enough name for a boy."  And with that Richard was born into the world. Unfortunately from that point on Richard's father made it a point to take out his anger and frustration on him in particular. If he saw him struggling with his homework he used to say, "Why are you even trying. You know you are just going to get it wrong anyway. You were always dumb and you are never going to amount to anything. Might as well just give up now and die already."

    When Richard would do something his father didn't like, he used to take him out back and beat him until he could barely breathe. His other brothers and sisters would even try and intervene but his father's rage and cutting remarks left their permanent scars on Richard for the rest of his life. When his mother finally passed away it was almost like any resemblance of grace and humanity his father had left with his mother.  After she had passed his father made it his personal goal to torment and abuse Richard as much as
possible.

    In his father's eyes he held Richard responsible for her death. He was heartbroken as well. His mother had been the only good thing in his life and his protector. When his father would beat him his mom would secretly cry as she saw him face the brunt of her husband's anger and frustration.  Whenever she would see that he was struggling or when she would see that he was especially unhappy she would often sing to him and take Richard in her arms and rock him and say” Its ok. Things will eventually get better. Just you wait. Your father doesn't really hate you. He is just frustrated that is all. He has never known what it’s like to be loved and I feel in some way I can give that to him.”  
 

    His mother really did seem to have an almost magical effect on his father and seemed to know exactly what to say to calm his father and he remembers his mother's laugh and how contagious it was. He missed how much his mother's smile used to warm him up and seemed to soften his dad as well. He thought of her as an angel. When she had passed, something broke in Richard. He started to severely hate his father. He would imagine him dying in various gruesome ways and he started acting out more in school and causing trouble in general.