Chapter 1

     She came into the room and she took off her coat. It had been a long day and all she needed was a little rest and relaxation to ease her mind. Unfortunately, today just wasn’t going to be the day. It had been 2 years since she had left her abusive husband, and life had almost begun to maintain some sense of normalcy. She still had nightmares at times, but she had decided not to let him keep her awake or keep her from living any more than
he already had. She had barely escaped with her life. If it weren’t for the active support of her local women’s shelter and her friends providing her a safe place to escape and to lay low; she might not have made it as far as she has. Little does she know; that normalcy was about to change.   
    

     She walks into the room and places her coat onto the right hand side on her wooden oak coat rack. She looks around her house to reaffirm that it is real. It’s a beautiful home with red oak floors and paneling, and she has furnished it very nicely. It has taken time, but it is finally her place. Her husband used to say to her, “This is my house, and in my house I can do what I want and you don’t get to have a god damn say otherwise.” It was very important for her to create a space she could feel was hers and hers alone. She had gotten used to not locking the doors because of the remoteness of the place. Little did she know that decision would come back to haunt her.  

    As if out of a nightmare she sees him walk down the banister and enter into the bottom floor. “You thought you could get away from me didn’t you.” His face wore that same smirk that he had made a million times after he had done something cruel that he thought was funny. Her heart sunk. She had replayed this in her mind a
thousand times, but never had she imagined that it would actually happen. ”Those b*****s at that center have polluted your mind” They convinced you of things that just aren’t true. You know that I was good to you. I love you. You know how long it took me to find you?". As she is standing there trying to get a grip on reality her mind is racing a mile a minute. All she can do is back away and shake her head and try and think how this could have happened. Every ounce of her wanted to run. Her worst nightmare had come true. Her reality had been shattered and she didn't know if she would be able to ever recover it again. 

    Her mind and spirit were telling her to fight. She had thought that he would never let her be afraid anymore. Her greatest nightmare had come true. She found herself retreating back to the scared little girl that she had become so many times. Finally she was able to wake herself enough from her stupor to ask, "How did you get here? ”Her husband looked at her with that pleading smile she had seen a million times and said," That doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am here and we can start all over. You just have to come back to me. You will see. I can make it all better. You don’t belong here in this place. Look at it? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life without someone? Who is going to want some old scarred up woman who can’t even forget her past? Come
back with me. I can make it all better. ”  

    In that moment a piece of her shriveled and died. She didn't even know to begin to comprehend or how to respond. There was a part of her that was almost willing to forgive him; that was very close to taking him up on his offer. For a split second, she almost gave in. In her mind she was thinking how much trouble he must have gone through to find her. In that same moment a clarity came over her. Before she might have taken him up on it but she knew better this time. At that moment an anger rose inside of her that she had never felt before and she found herself saying," No. I am not going with you. This isn’t your home and you don’t have the right to be here. You don’t have the right to talk bad about my friends either. They were good people and if anything they saved me from you. The way I see it you are the one who was feeding me all of the lies. They were the only people who cared about me when everyone else had given up and they gave me a second chance. Who are you to come here, “ 

   She had only gotten half way through her sentence before his face changed from that indignant smirk to his twisted face of rage and anger that she had seen so many times before, “Who are you to talk to me like that? I think you forget that I am the one in control here. I don’t want to have to hurt you. But if you insist on letting those women pollute your mind with that self- empowerment bullshit then I might just have to remind you of what happens to uppity women when they disobey their husbands.”  It was at the moment that something snapped in her and all the rage and all the abuse and all the years
of torture and humiliation and hurt came welling up in that moment.

    Before she even knew what she was saying; with tears of frustration and anger streaming down her face, "Go ahead if you are going to. It’s not like you haven’t already done enough to me already. If you are going to hit me hit me but you are going to take me you are going to have to kill me to make me go back with you. I am happy here and who are you to take that away from me?”  Before she could even think she felt the slap of his hand against her cheek and she felt herself reel back against the weight of his sheer force. In another instant he had her on the floor and began to kick her in the stomach while she was on the ground, knocking the breath out of her and bringing tears to her eyes. “See what you made me do?” If you had just come with me I wouldn’t have had to do this” But you are the one who had to act like you were the big s**t.” You brought this on yourself.”  
 

    As he tried to pick her up off the floor and drag her back with him she found a strength she had never found before and began to fight for her life and to squirm and to scream and to bite and to kick and to scratch him until he was forced to let her go. “Damn woman, stop squirming.” You are just going to make things worst.” Before he could even finish his sentence she had managed to get free and was running for the door and to her
neighbors. She was lucky that she had talked with her neighbor about the possibility that something like this might have happened. Her neighbor was also a survivor of spousal abuse and they had connected through that. She was counting her blessings as she ran out of sheer instinct. Not looking back. Not wanting to see if he was following as her feet carried her there.