A Russian Sailor

"think of it as a feeling"

A Russian Sailor 

 

As the fish sing in the marshes rail

The boatman watches while he sails 

Up the mountain, across the lake 

Caught on the way he lived in jail 

 

From the lake on stolen bail 

Trying to leave no possible trail

This escape he hopes shan't fail

 

To his wife he sent a loving mail 

Through his only friend a humpback whale

 

To meet his kids he sailed unafraid  

The whole of his life he just laid

A long time he had been a maid

Long time he had not been paid 

 

A Russian sailor from marshes rail

No worries for free he now sails 

                        - Ahena MK 

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

A beautiful piece with a strong humanistic backbone. Most awesome.

[Ahena MK]

glad you liked it !!

[AYVID N]

You created a lovely picture of the Russian sailor, with a bit of fantasy and of beautiful nature, Ahena. Loved it! Thanks for sharing...

[Ahena MK]

thanks for reading !!!

[AYVID N]

Welcome always!!!

[Brittany Zedalis]

I really enjoyed reading this. It was like a mini-story. Great job. :]

[Ahena MK]

thank you !!!

[Frieda P]

Interesting tale, sounds like a pirate....agree with what's been said below. That picture is freaky, but I enjoyed the story within your poem. :-)

[Ahena MK]

Thank you
:) Ahena

[Rita L. Sev]

There are some stellar lines here, Ahena, and there is potential for a great tale. I agree with Leslie regarding the rhyme and flow. A bit of tweaking would make this piece soar.

[Ahena MK]

Thanks for your views ...
Ahena :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

An interesting piece that it is Ahena.Well enjoyed it I did :)

[Ahena MK]

Thanks ...

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome :)

[Leslie Philibert]

Good write, but you make your own life difficult with a quatrain rhyme. Try couplets. And the second line should read ...( I think )...The boatman watches while he sails. Put a comma after mountain, put in all in a four line form. Sailed doesn`t rhyme with laid, paid and maid, try To meet his kids he sailed unafraid. So a good poem that needs work.

[Ahena MK]

thanks for your time and views !!! i'll see what i can do with it !!

[Ahena MK]

thanks for the suggestions !! tell me what you think now !!